Hi. I'm manic depressive and get anxiety attacks almost every day. I need to know if there's hope.?

Question

I want to live and thrive....not just survive. I am sick of making it a victory everytime I get through the day. I want to love life like my friends do. People who are close to me know that I am capable and have potential, yet this condition seems to be supressing any ability. I have to watch while others enjoy the fruits of their work....and I just merely get by. Other than my family...no one knows about my condition. I hate it that people might misinterpret my work and behaviour negatively. It hurts so much. I can't even cry anymore.

Please...if there's someone out there who has fought this condition and is in control enough to be a success. Someone who has thrived despite this obstacle. Please tell me how you've done it. I need hope right now. I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper and I just want to dissapear sometimes.

I have been seeing a doctor for 5 years now and am on medication.

Answer 1

It is very difficult to deal with..i will concur...as i have experienced the same ...One way to start to get over it is to lessen the power it has over you...this sounds simple but it is very difficult. The more you think about it...the more control it has which is why each day is a victory. you have to change your thoughts about your condition and lessen it...for example make a conscious effort before you go to bed that if something happens in the morning you will ignore it...i know how very difficult it is...plan something good...something little to start your day...something that has to be able to happen even if it is as simple as...i'm going to eat a bowl of my favorite cereal this morning...that way you don't have the anxiety around what will i do first thing, what will i eat this morning, etc. Lay out your clothes for the morning to lessen the anxiety of that action...this way you are dealing with your anxiety the previous night and lessening the power the next day...do this every day for a week...try not to do more as you don't want to overdue it and slide back into the depression of not being able to go as far as you think you can. make this a concious plan...each week add one little thing...that way the things you did last week are now automatic and not an issue...as you go on...you will eliminate much of what creates your anxiety...not all...but much and will be living a more productive life, as you have stated you want...just take your time...and give yourself credit for what you are doing by surprising yourself with small gifts...good luck...it is not an easy road but it is so well worth it and it is possible.

PS if you slide into anxiety or depression while doing this do not let it absorb you...and bring you back to where you are now...accept it for what it is...a one time incident and move right back where you were...take your own control!

Answer 2

I'm sure you've tried everything out there. An excellent book to read is, "Feel the Fear and do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers. This will help change your cognitive thinking to a more optomistic outlook. Keep taking a mild sedative to keep the edge off. Don't give up, things will subside in due time. Best of Luck.

Answer 3

I too have suffered from severe anxiety. I am currently in grief counceling... multi-level grief counceling. Every day I grieve. I have ups and downs and I have felt like you. I have learned that slowing down is the only way to survive. I have taken up sewing and discovered that happiness really isn't conquering a thousand goals. The rest of the world is pushed beyond their limits all the time... through tv, afterschool specials and just cliques... but that is because alot of people are normal don't have our problems and never develop, they just linger in one spot their whole life..so the world pushes each other to their limits... the rest of us with "issues" might actually be over doers, overachievers and we take these ideals and flood ourselves down with nonsense.

From now on, when you are needing to feel creative, try to stick with one outlet... I used to want to be a singer, an aritist a buisness owner... all of it!!! Now I just sew, when I need to be creative I make a new something or other and put all my creativity into that... I can take it on if I am depressed I can take 3 days to make a simple apron and thats ok, if I am feeling normal I can make 2 or 3 a day and that is ok.. and the rest of the world has to be ok with that. It doesn't have my problems. When you are feeling sad, don't think of reasons to be sad.. just tell yourself, its somekind of goofy hormone just let loose in my body and these tears are just a reaction... and then take a nap... I personally send Joy, faith emails to my family when I feel like this... I encourage our faith in Christ and look up scriptures on Joy.. so in my dark times I can lift them up which lifts me up... Take care hon.

Answer 4

Though by no means have I overcome similar problems, I can say that with most folks, counseling and medication seems to help. You have nothing to be ashamed of and should never give up. You just gotta have faith in yourself and get whatever help would be best for you. Good fortune to you.

Answer 5

just take life by the minute...baby steps...and calm down...not everything is as big of a deal as it seems...not making light of your situation...maybe you have social anxiety disorder...if you usually have the attacks when you are around other people...i've been there before...take it easy...the key is acknowleding when you are about to have an attack...all the signs are there...when you come to know when you are about to have one, control your breathing and clear your head...that should help a lot... good luck...BJ

Answer 6

when all else fails... turn to God for strenght. His strenght is all you need to conquer this condition. take care of yourself and let the healing process begin...

Answer 7

I'm bipolar, like you, and also have suffered from debilitating anxiety at times.

This disease is treacherous, isn't it? The ups and downs...one minute you feel pretty good, then something pops into your head, a fear, then thought after thought things seem to get worse. I'll tell you what has helped me.

I am a nurse and have a very challenging job. In fact, I'm in management now and I thought I couldn't do it. I still wonder at times if I have what it takes to make this work. And it's not because a lack of skill...it's because I get emotional when the stress level is high.
I see a therapist and he's encouraged me to take on positive new perspectives. A large part of managing the anxiety is to actually 'believe' what people are trying to tell you.

For instance, I feel hopeless about being able to manage my anxiety which comes from a fear of not being able to solve the problems in my life. What I've done in the past is 1. self medicate with drinking/drugs. Wow, that didn't help, it made me dependent. (I am now doing 12 step for that) Plus it decreased my resistance to stress. BIG mistake there. It made my anxiety worse. 2. When I self medicated, I reminded myself constantly of the things that I am fearful of. Each thought contained a plethora of reasons to validate why I should be so hopeless. I chose to only focus on the fear, as if focusing on the fear would help me solve it. 3. I would mull around looking for people to pity me, therefore validating my inability to be a person who has strength.

The first life changing event occured when I was able to accept my shortcomings and see myself for who I really was. A lot of the perceptions I had were a compilation of delusional thinking regarding who I wanted to see myself as (without doing any work). I accepted I am powerless to change my behavior without help. But, I also learned to forgive myself for being that person, and made a step toward visualizing who I really was. I either had an inflated perception, and when I didn't recieve that validation of who I wanted to be, I would become desperate and hopeless in response. This is the bipolar at play here. I am working on my inability to accept life on life's terms and accept reality.

Now, for the really helpful part. (this should be underlined-) I learned to trust that no matter what the situation may seem like, I had the power to deal with it, and even if it didn't end up with me on top of everything! It doesn't mean the end of the world. I will go on, and I will cope and find meaning in life, regardless of life's cirumstances at times. This 'belief' and 'trust' in yourself is crucial. You must force yourself into positive self talk. You must fight the urge to crumble in the face of a challenge. Do not focus on the fear, remind yourself you have all of the tools you need to survive. Because, you do!

I'll give you an example. Yesterday I had a very busy day with some bad situations that happened. I had a patient in crisis, another that kept me busy all day. I am a home care nurse, and the people I work with do not necessarily understand how busy I am. I had over 30 voicemails that day and could not address each issue. I had to end my day to focus on my kids and thought I would deal with the situation presented to me at the end of the day in the morning. Well, my boss was expecting a call before the end of the day, and I never got back to her. I called in the morning and she was angry. I felt very anxious! I almost felt weak when I was talking to her and thought I'd cry because she didn't understand how stressful the day before was. I sped up, and my thoughts raced...and I wasn't making sense with the anxiety I was having. I calmed myself, and I SLOWED myself down. I thought to myself that I will do what I need at the moment, which was telling her that I would get right on top of the situation, instead of trying to exhonerate myself that very moment. She didn't want to hear about my feelings, she wanted the situation dealt with. I was still anxious, but I dove into trying to solve the issue. After I had made progress I called her back, after I was calm, and made a positive expression regarding my apology, first, then I explained how busy and stressful my day was, and that I could not attend to the situation because of x and y. She was still a little stern, but she listened. I made a point to remind myself that I didn't make a bad impression that will last forever...see, that's what anxiety does...it tells you it's over, it's hopeless you've failed, they'll never trust you now. But that's not true, as quickly as things can get bad like that, you just need to respond and they can quickly get better! I made an effort to stay positive and calm all day. I did not burden my boss with my anxiety. I didn't burden myself with it. I focused on doing a good job that day. I stayed in close contact with her verbally by phone, and gradually, throughout the day, she became more and more confident in my abilities. At the end of the day, when the problem was solved and solved well, she thanked my very kindly, and also said she felt bad I had such a stressful day before. I said, "yes, and that happens, we just deal with it and move on." She liked my positive attitude...and I walked away thinking that I can, indeed, change every situation to the positive if I slowed down, thought carefully, avoided negative thinking, and reminded myself of my ability to cope. I also reminded myself that my perceptions of how others view me in a negative light were mostly wrong. It's just that in life, there are challenges, and things can seem bad...but that isn't permanent, my dear!

Remind yourself that your feelings aren't permanent, and that you may have some fear now, but it will fade, and you will have some happy, fulfilling moments as well. And you can do it, you know you can...because you've done it before. :-)