Love
She lies in bed, only half asleep
She tries too hard to fake a snore
I know shes up as soon as I leave
Lies to tell and stories to weave
Why is it when love is right
You overcome even the fiercest fight
But when the love turns to black
There's messages from a guy named Jack
You swore that it wouldn't happen to you
But it went down, you had no clue
That sneaky witch was steppng out
Now she's gonna find out who's got the clout
You wait in dark to even the score
At 3 AM she sneaks in the door
You raise the gun and shake just a little
When you lookes at her face all that was left was spittle.
2007-05-24 13:04:54 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
disturbing... and not very well written... the emphasis, syllables and flow don't match from line to line
2007-05-24 13:10:07 · answer #1 · answered by HP Wombat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is well thought out and has a very nice rhythm and rhyme scheme. It was not how I expected it to end when I began reading the poem which gives it a defined personality. It is a little dark and very emotional. I liked it a lot. you are a good poet.
2007-05-24 13:25:11 · answer #2 · answered by author_chick_of_18 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The theme is pretty scary and probably too common. The first and second lines do not fit.
The second paragraph I Like a lot.
Why do you suppose we stay in relationships and cheat? Why not be honest and move on?
Hope I Helped!
2007-05-24 13:22:21 · answer #3 · answered by easyericlife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Revenge and betrayel, interesting. The guy named Jack doesn't really fit, unless it's something personal. In which case this poem would mean more to you then it ever could to anyone else. Good, though.
2007-05-24 15:29:15 · answer #4 · answered by shadowofu_love29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is an AMAZING poem. It's almost as good as your other ones i love. I love the meaning to it, because something similar has happened in my life. Not to me, but my mom and dad. My dad was the one having an affair. But, my mom didn't shoot him lol. Though, i'm sure she would have liked to...
cool poem and good job!!!
2007-05-24 15:43:47 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's really dark and cold. You should put your talents to something with a better message. There's too much violence these days.
2007-05-24 13:14:08 · answer #6 · answered by clarity 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you like this one you probably would like the song "Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks.
2007-05-24 14:25:19 · answer #7 · answered by udontreallydou 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a really good poem. was the person really cheating. just breakup don't kill. good job at expressing the feelings.
2007-05-24 13:25:55 · answer #8 · answered by jewel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well written but scared the $hit out of me
2007-05-24 13:11:45 · answer #9 · answered by iANNA! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a Little scary and disturbing......sorry!
2007-05-24 13:14:51 · answer #10 · answered by Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋