How do u forgive?

Question

My wife had a fling with my best 3 years ago, it HURT SO BAD, and still does everyday.

How does one forgive this, how do i get over it, how?

I confronted and it did not help

I have not talked to my friend since i found out 3 years ago

Answer 1

Well, you're a better man than I am. My wife and I have an agreement that if either of us cheat, then it is OVER!!! Neither of us believe that we could trust the other after such a transgression.
In my opinion... move on and away from her.

Answer 2

Firstly, by stop dwelling on it. Obviously it's constantly on your mind. You must have some feeling of outrage or grief you never had the chance to express, and chances are good you're hoping she will ask you to. It probably won't happen because she can't read your mind, doesn't want to deal with it after three years, and can't make you see reason.
Secondly, you have to look over the years and experiences you shared with her. Did the good outweigh the bad? Did you have some anything to do with why she went elsewhere? Were you paying attention?
If you can call to mind anything good, a time she stood with you and by you, and loved you, then weigh that against the hurt feelings and see which you would rather live with.
And then look around you at other people and ask yourself if what you have is better than anything else. Is it worth working on your marriage? Can you bear to be single, alone, or on the lookout for another wife? Are you so bitter that no woman will ever have a chance?
Think everything over carefully, decide, and then set it out of your mind. That's what forgiveness is--letting the other person have a chance without judging her by the past.

Answer 3

At what point do you think that your wife thinks about that past situation every day??? My guess is she doesn't....you know that old saying..."forgive and forget?" It's time to start practicing it... Some people might say what she did is unforgivable and that may be why you have nails dug in the whole situation. You need to ask yourself if you ever forgive....you might..but it might be years from now, or a week from now. Only time will tell with a situation like this one. You also need to ask yourself why are you reminded of it on a dialy basis....is it because you see your wife and think of what happened??? Could be....but is that how you want to live? I believe that you can forgive; it's just a matter of wanting to forgive and wanting to move on and wanting your marriage to work. I do know that if you can't forgive and forget your marriage is going to go nowhere...and that's probably why you’re asking in here. You need to make a choice on how you want to live your life and if you can have your wife in it without thinking about their tryst. If you can't, it's time to move on...if that's not an option for you, try counseling and if you've done that already you know your answer. Good luck!

Forgiveness
Is the mightiest sword
Forgiveness of those you fear
Is the highest reward
When they bruise you with words
When they make you feel small
When it's hardest to take
You must do nothing at all...
-- Jane Eyre.

Answer 4

Yep, that event would hurt most of us empathetic folks out here. But at some point you must let it go. Here is the deal. Nobody behaves perfectly 100% of the time. Not even you. What matters most is future behavior. Learning from mistakes is part of growing. From your post I infer you are still with your wife. What are you accomplishing by holding on to this tremendous pain. Take this opportunity to connect with her on a level beyond the everyday. Discover her feelings and try to be receptive on her level of hurt in hurting you. If you find that she genuinely has regret let it go. Allowing this cancer to grow does nothing positive for your marriage. Cherish today, learn from yesterday, and strive to be better tomorrow.

Answer 5

Hello... I'm Lost in the Web's wife. I agree that you are a better person than I could be. There is a feeling of betrayal there that you have the right to. You have been stepped on and that is going to sting for a long time. Only moving forward with your life, finding something positive to work with in your own experiences, and in your own future will help you move on.

Answer 6

The only way to forgive is to forget . How do you forget? Have a fling what can it hurt in Gods eyes your no longer married anyway vows are broken.

Answer 7

its so hard to forgive, i am dealing with this too, and i still think about it everyday. So, i know that i am the wrong person to give advise. Is she willing to go to counseling? That would help. Cut off the friendship with your best friend, and try to go to counseling with your wife. Maybe go to a marriage seminar held at your church, if you attend one. And make sure that she works at building your trust by being available, you knowing where she is, etc.

Answer 8

I'm sorry but if you cant forget about it you just can't forgive her work on your feelings and when you do and if you do get over it, that you truly know it doesn't hurt anymore then you can forgive her and start all over with her with a relationship that has nothing hanging over it

Answer 9

Go to counseling. If you still truly love each other, it can be done. You have to forgive for your own peace of mind. I don't know how you've stayed for THREE years and you still haven't forgiven her. Maybe you have to accept that you can't be with her anymore, but do it for yourself, not because this other woman has come into the picture.

Answer 10

You should forgive her because that is what we are supposed to do. We all want to be forgiven of our mistakes. Read your bible and trust God's word. You will be delivered, and be a better person when it's all said and done.

John 16;33
In this world you shall have trials and tribulations, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.