what 'magic words' can prevent a discussion from becoming a disagreement, then an argument?

Question

how to stop the madness?

Answer 1

As human beings, we interact with the world and those around via our human senses. Any human being knowing, expressing, interacting other than through the human senses is not interacting in ways that human beings naturally, normally interact.
The human senses, as I consider them are: SOUND, SIGHT, SMELL, TASTE, TOUCH, and ENERGY (or intuition). sometimes referred to as the sixth sense.
Whenever a human being is expressing themselves, they use a word or words that represent one or more of the human sense. Several other ANSWERS have referred to phrases using one or more of the words representing one or more of the human senses. If you know some of these words and listen to the ones that the person is using and use them in your verbal response to them, arguments rarely happen and others feel more understood, even if you are saying an opposite thing than they are saying.

Some simple examples of words representing Sound are: tell, heard, talk, listen,hear, what . Words representing other senses are:
Sight: see, look, picture, why, Smell words are stinks, fragrant, smells. where Taste words are, flavorful, bitter, bland, sour, how. Touch words are soft. hard, feeling, who . Energy words are, sense, high, low, vibrant, which.
There are numerous other words representing the human senses. We experience and express ourselves through and using our human senses. Being able to identify the human sense a person is expressing themselves through and then expressing yourself as you truly choose to express yourself, the only conscious change is to use words representing the same human sense that the other person is using.
This is a technique used in sales, motivational seminars, NLP, highly educated therapists or counselors, and many other professions. It works.

Answer 2

No words at all. Once you see it's turning into an argument, there's no point in "feeding" into it. One can have a discussion when disagreeing & be civil. If it turns into an argument, clearly, someone is determined to prove the other "wrong," accomplishing nothing. This sometimes happens with a friend, & I just sit, occasionally murmuring an abtruse "mm mmm" & believe me, he runs out of steam when he doesn't get any feedback. I'd say that 99% of the time, people can't go on ranting without input. Try it! I've suggested this to others, & it works for them. If I were to run into someone who would NOT stop, I'd either leave, or show them the door. The only way to stop the "madness" is to refuse to participate. Think about it!

Edit: Looking at your answers, everyone seemed so nice, & rational. & logical, too. But there are some people with whom these methods just wouldn't work, & that's the sort I was referring to. If one could deal with them rationally, it wouldn't have turned into an argument in the first place.

Edit: Hey, deep blue, looks like we're on the same page???

Answer 3

When you sense an arguement or disagreement coming on, distraction is a nice tactic. I say, " Excuse me, I have to use the restroom" or " I just remembered that I have to call my doctor" You have to distance yourself from them ASAP. Hoping that they sensed the impending arguement, with a little time to dwell on the direction of the conversation by both parties, can form a more cordial conversation the next time, if the subject crops up again.

The key is sensing the escalation of the discussion, taking a pause with some other outward distraction, and either not resuming it, or coming back to it on more gentler and sincere terms.

Answer 4

Using "I feel" "I think" etc rather than "you are wrong" or "you don't know what you're talking about" is always helpful. Take full responsibility. Not "you made me feel bad". Because people don't make anyone else feel anything. If you feel bad, it's because that person pushed buttons that you allowed to be there. If that person really is in the wrong such as abusive, then I would just not speak with them. But in a normal discussion, take full responsibility for your opinions, make it clear you are listening to the other person, and try to be as impersonal as possible.

Of course it depends on the situation. If it's at work you might handle it differently than between you and your best friend.

Answer 5

If you can think of a really good joke to make about what the other person is saying, it can go something like this: "You know. You're right about that. Did you know that.... (insert joke here)...?" Or if you're shameless like me you can just jump to a completely different topic. That will usually generate a rude response from my husband, but he drops the argument. If you're over 50 and beginning to lose your hearing a bit you can say something like "Did you say something like "Do you really think there's such a thing as a global wart now?"'
If those tactics don't work, silence and vacating the room, taking refuge in the bathroom, even or especially if you're in the middle of breakfast, can help a lot. My former yoga teacher told us we should all practice visualizing our own private "Ship deflectors". I think it's really good advice.

Answer 6

When discussion going to be overheat. Just stop and stay silent because everyone now will be in defensive mode. Take time. Change subject of conversation and if you think that you want to get the point across. Then converse about something else first. It can be anything that is general, agreeable for everyone. Then every become more open and receptive, try to get your point across again.

Answer 7

"Rhetorically speaking".... "In theory" ... "I'm just being a devils advocate, but" ...

Anything that opens the mind to consider the other side in a relative discussion without causing one party to become on the defense and willing to fight to the death for their beliefs.

Stopping the madness once it has started is near impossible... but using kindness in the delivery and consideration for the opposing view is the best way to approach any situation.

Otherwise, why would they consider you as being openminded to their views? The balance has to be equal.. respect their views, they will respect yours, even if it is the exact opposite of your views.

And even if they don't exactly "respect" your view, they will hear you, and understand WHY you feel what you do.. and respect you for holding onto your grounds unwavering.

Answer 8

If your question applies to a married couple.
" I understand your point of view as you have made it clear but.....etc etc"
The fact that you tell the person with whom you are having a disagreement or discussion that you have taken in consideration his/her opinion , it will help to continue the dialogue in a more open minded way.

Answer 9

Best analogy I can think of. You feed your fireplace, & the flames consume the wood, (or whatever!) AS LONG AS YOU FEED IT. If you do NOT feed the fire, it will dwindle & turn into ashes. It can't survive without being "fed." Most people are like that. There's something so funny I'd like to share. I had a friend who told me, that when people visiting her got on a tangent, she'd open her door & say very nicely, "Please come back when you're feeling less like yourself." Don't you love it?

Answer 10

The only thing to do is to shut up!

I've said lets discuss this as adults, rah rah used EVERYTHING, but with some people nothing works.

I Just dont give them ammo to keep arguing with. If you dont give them anything to disagree with, they can't keep attacking. Smile and nod, listen to them, then when they're done. end conversation.