Member since: April 26, 2007
Total points: 244 (Level 1)
Points earned this week:
Loading... Best answer
willow_silverfooted
S
Walking home late one night
A tall dark man gave me a fright
He held out his hand and gave me a smile
He made me want to run for miles and miles
"Don't be afraid" he said to me
"What happens is what's meant to be."
I took his hand and gave a start
Because his touch stopped my heart.
I slipped away and fell to the ground
Watching the world spin round and round.
And as a started to fade away
I heard a voice tell me to stay.
I opened my eyes and took a breath
I knew, that day, I nearly found Death.
((not one of my best, but I thought it was cute))
2007-05-24 11:21:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
wow, i thought of the grim reaper as soon as i finished the first phrase this is really good
2007-05-24 11:25:19 · answer #1 · answered by mf mf mf mf mf fmf mf mfmfmfmfmf 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like this poem. I think you should cut the 5th paragragh about falling to the ground.
Here are some thoughts: first 4 paragraphs and then change the ending to be romantic. Or first 4 paragraphs cut the fifth paragraph. keep "and as I started to fade away I heard another....voice (because you've added in another person here. I would add in more about this other voice that got you to take a breath.
good poem. better than cute. really good. keep writing.
2007-05-24 18:32:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anna Lynn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um...cute...? That's not the word I'd use for it. It's a good poem though, don't get me wrong. But 'cute', is not the proper word....
Keep up the brilliant work, though. Just learn categorize better....
2007-05-24 19:25:00 · answer #3 · answered by Twili 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice poem!I'll give it a 9 out of 10,and the rhymes were great.If you have anymore please email me at princeitachi@yahoo.com.
2007-05-24 18:27:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its cute but the meaning is a little unclear to me
2007-05-24 18:37:14 · answer #5 · answered by crazy_squirrelly_girl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I like it!
2007-05-24 18:23:36 · answer #6 · answered by kaisergirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's nice! u should continue....
2007-05-24 18:29:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anon2250 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love it!
2007-05-24 19:31:45 · answer #8 · answered by volleyballcutie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is really good!
2007-05-24 18:27:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋