marriage probs..help?

Question

I got married 6 months bck.Things were beautiful before and then as usual, he changed.Things became bad in our relationship.He is dominating and short temper guy.Blames me for everything.Take his work frustartion on me.Shouts at me everytime.tells me he will leave me.It is our long distance relationship as he has to travel alot.i am trying to save our marriage, doing everythin as he want but everything is just goin wrong..dunno wht to do........i love him but i want him to respect me n love me..i dunno whts doin in his heart..i cant communicate as i know he will start shouting again..and says tht he will involve my parents....i feel lik **** n in hell....

Answer 1

Make an appointment with a counsellor right away... If I were you, I would pack my bags and leave for a week... maybe then he will realize that you won't tolerate his abuse... Good Luck!

Answer 2

Have you told your parents what is happening? Make sure they know the story from you before he goes to them to "tattle." If you sustain your marriage by doing what he wants, then the love is conditional. "I love you if you do what I say." Love should be unconditional. "I love you all the time, even when I do not like you too much."
His travel is not the primary issue; it is his temper, his outbursts and his conditional love. I am suspicious that he is depressed. You can find quick tests online to give you an idea of whether you or a loved one you know well is possibly depressed. Is he willing to say that he does not want to be angry and mean? If so, he is ready to seek the counseling help he needs. With or without him, you should seek counseling also. Do you have a pastor with whom you can meet?
I do not advocate you leaving him, unless his abuse increases or gets physical. However, you may reach a point where you have to call his bluff on him leaving you. He may well see that you are one of the best parts of his life if he had to live elsewhere for awhile.
Please take time to pray daily about him, his temper and the core cause of his behavior. I will too.

Answer 3

For one, it shouldn't make a difference what your parents think, they are not the ones in question here. You have to be able to communicate with each other because that's the most important part of the relationship. If the two of you can't do that alone, maybe you should go to counseling together. Maybe then the counselor could point out to your husband that he needs to quit his yelling. I know it's no fun when you get blasted for everything that goes wrong in his life, I go through that with my husband when he's stressed out. But you've got to figure out a way to talk because marriage is 50/50, and it sounds like you're no where near that.

Answer 4

Hon, eleven months ago you said:

Need serious help....?

i am staying away from my husband and have to be away from him for next 4-5 months..we have no option..we speak to each other everyday and chat...he pampers me..but he is having very bad temper...he shouts on me for some stupid reason and gets angry..dont speak to me..wht shud i do..how shud i behave..he says tht i dunno how to tackle problem..i really dont undertsnad..wht shud i do..first is long distance and second is is temper is bad,,i just dunno how to react..but i love him a lot...sometimes he sayd he is lucky to have me n when angry says i m his mistake..wht the hell. i feel lik stupid stuck in between..

A vivid portrait of irrational, immature behavior. Eleven months later, you're still complaining of these same behaviors. There is no way you can cure this...

You should advise your parents before he does. Explain that the man is irrational and verbally abusive. (Which often happens in cases of incompetence.)

If he raises his voice to you, quietly excuse yourself and go take a shower, or go to the grocery store, or visit the neighbor. Remove yourself from his presence. You can also have people come and spend some time with you when he is home. As often as possible. Most men won't repeat the behavior you describe in front of someone else.

You can "accidentally" plan to go to visit a relative when he's scheduled to be in town.

The shouting is abusive, and you run a very high risk of it escalating into physical abuse. He cannot take responsibility for his own decisions, so he is blaming you. He's frustrated at work because they expect him to perform and he cannot.

If he's yelling on the phone gently lay the phone down and walk away. Don't hang it up until it beeps that the line is dead. When he gets home if he asks how come you keep doing that say it makes you nauseous when he yells, and you had to go to the bathroom to puke.

Make note of your marital assests, as you are entitiled to half when you decide he really does make you sick. Don't , don't , don't get pregnant. Make sure you are on the title for your car,and you are on the checking account, etc....Otherwise, open your own account. Trade in the car, if you can. Put the title in your name.

Quit trying to fix him. There is nothing wrong with him. Just ask him. He'll tell you. Nothing to fix.

So give it up, and save yourself before you're so stressed you can't function during the day. You made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes. Quit talking to him. Hang out with people who can treat you with Respect. And make a plan. Lay the foundations back to your own mental health. He's gonna make you insane.

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear about your problems. I am not sure how long you dated but ask yourself this. Was his attitude this way before you got married? If so I will tell you it will not get better without prayer and counseling if you are into that. The next thing, if things were not this way before you were married then I would question why in the world he is threatening to leave me after only 6 months of marriage??? I advise to pray and get the book a Praying Wife. It will really help if you want to endure this. Along with deep prayer.

Answer 6

See, the difficulty with the "properly, a brother and sister residing co-dependently might desire to rejoice with a similar reward" means that no 2 at recent human beings have *ever* abused the marriage equipment whilst they weren't in a romantic dating. yet a sibling couple doing so might nevertheless be legally "married"; they'd not then, in turn, be allowed to marry anyone they have been certainly romantically attracted to with out dissolving that partnership, with each and every of the criminal issues a divorce might reason. I advise, i assume if a brother/sister pair (or brother/brother or sister/sister, have been gay marriage criminal) had to pass into right into a lifelong, non-romantic criminal partnership, particular, they might conceivably call for they be granted marriage rights. yet such partnerships may be fairly few and much between, as i think of the social stigma of annoying you be allowed to marry your sister might probably suppress that team. A extra pertinent question may be on a thank you to handle the variety of individuals in a marriage. If marriage is opened up from the place that's now, then there is the question approximately whether polyamorous unions might desire to be legally known. And if we then superior marriage to allow, say, 4 contributors, then what approximately polygamists who experience socially ostracized because of the fact they have a 5-way dating? Polygamists and brothers desirous to marry their sisters, even however, characterize a tiny, tiny fraction of yankee society. Homosexuals, whilst nevertheless a minority, huge variety some distance extra effective. beginning up marriage to comparable-intercourse couples, i think, is a thank you to grant those romantic pairings a similar criminal rights that are presently enjoyed by using comparable partnerships, whilst minimizing the substitute to the final equipment. particular, the "slippery slope" argument can nevertheless be utilized, yet purely because of the fact beginning up marriage to homosexuals might open up a greater can of worms does not advise this is not a solid and perfect element to do.

Answer 7

Maybe he is frustrated with his job and the situation of having to be gone all the time so he's taking it out on you. Try to find a time when he's calm and things are quiet and have a heart to heart talk with him. Ask him what's wrong and tell him how much this is hurting you and affecting your marriage. The sad fact is that people tend to take out their frustrations on the people they love the most. Counseling may help you both if he would be willing to go. Tell him you need to know his heart and if he truly loves you. Good luck.

Answer 8

Sounds like your walking on egg shells. Long time ago I was in one of those relationships. Your just waiting for them to go off and it makes you literally sick to your stomach. I know it seems like it's the end of the world, it's only been 6 months, but you don't have to live like this... it isn't your fault. You say you love him so suggest counseling, if he refuses then tell him you need to separate. The longer you stay and take his abuse, the lower He'll knock your self esteem down. Have you talked to your parents about this? If not then I would. Good Luck

Answer 9

I think you need to tell him you would like to talk. Take some time alone and tell him how you feel. A few things a marriage has to have is respect for each other and communication or its not going to work. Remember that the beginning of every marriage is rough, you have to give it your all if the BOTH of you want things to work.

Answer 10

All marriages are rocky in the beginning, however, since this type of behavior has occurred in the past with him why not suggest some anger management for him or counseling for both of you. What the heck does your parents have to do with him bickering at you? He married you not your parents, why does he feel he needs to go "crying" to them? It sounds as if he were insecure about his commitment to you, however, if things keep going or worstening you may want to consider getting out because that is also considered mental abuse.

Answer 11

It seema as if you guys have been through this b4. I feel that you should seriously talk and tell him how you feel and tell him that u are willing to work things out and will give it time ,but if things still are shaky you will seperate from him and do just that. Both people in a marriage should put their part and try to work together, it seems that he is unhappy with something, have you talked about that? If it continues, seperate and see how things go from there, and if nothing ,then divorce.