Married couples and 3somes?

Question

My husband and I have been talking about having a 3some with another woman involved. I also told him that if one day he wanted to have one with a male friend of his, it would be ok. I may not like it all, but I would be willing to do what he wants to fulfill his fantasies. Is that completely wrong and degrading?? He says that I shouldnt be willing to be shared. But to me...married couples having 3somes together with each other participating isnt wrong. I need some help because I am so lost on this one and dont know what to tell him. He just thinks Im low and wrong for thinking like that.

Here, I will make it a little clearer. Its my idea...he doesnt really like the other girl, and he wouldnt be touching her..Only me. I would be messing with the other girl though. He is ok with that...kinda. But I told him in return if he wanted me to do something with a friend of his involved..DEPENDING on the guy, I would for him. And thats when he said it was degrading. I told him to forget about it a while ago, but he keeps telling me to do it cause I really want to be with a girl again but I am not a cheater. Im soo stuck in the middle.

Answer 1

I understadn what your husband is thinking and it's good that you're discussing your fantasies with him. however, if i was him, i'd say go for it. it's been a long time fantasy of mine to share my wife with someone else, either another female, male or couple.

Answer 2

No, you're not stuck in the middle. You are a married woman and your husband clearly isn't into this. Besides, it's not really a 3some if he's not touching the girl. You said he wouldn't be touching her and even when you were going to have a MMF 3some it would be you and this other guy screwing while your husband watched. To me, both of those options is not 3somes. They are you cheating on your husband while he is forced to sit there and watch, just so you will be happy and shut up! If you were a lesbian or bisexual or whatever and you weren't completely sure you wanted to give up women forever you shouldn't have married a man. That is so unfair to your husband. Yea he may keep telling you to go ahead but it's because you've hounded him about it so long. You won't shut up about it. You're not "caught in the middle", but if that is how you feel then you really aren't in love with your husband. You seem like a selfish b*tch to me and your husband deserves a real woman that is going to be satisfied with the sex organs that he has and not always wondering about someone elses. I cannot believe you are serious and you actually posted this question. Your husband needs to tell you to go f*ck whoever you want and he needs to find him someone better than you! You are so.... scanky!

Answer 3

If he is all for the 3some then why is he back dooring and saying that you shouldnt want to be shared? Clearly you and him should not have a 3some... something is getting thrown off before a 3rd person is even bought in! The thing about 3somes with a married couple, is the couple has to be very secure, in love, and strong. Not a shaky, one into it, the other really not kinda situation.
You need to get a clear understanding of what his fantasy is. If its to be with his WIFE and another female then you can work that out. A lot of men dont mind 3somes but they dont want somebody they love to be one of the 3 people. So get clarity on that fantasy of his!

Answer 4

The answer you are going to get from most people is that you shouldn't be doing this and that it is dirty and wrong which comes from what I believe to be the closed-minded idea that all relationships are and should be the same and that all people in relationships should be happy with the same things.

It seems like this is one of those things that you and him have a different level of comfort with. If you've talked about threesomes and your husband isn't comfortable with them and it really isn't something that you feel you have to have in your marriage, then I would just drop the issue and let it be done. However, if your husband has the opinion that it's ok for you to be willing to share him with another woman but you should be ashamed of yourself for being willing to let another man into the mix, then there is really nothing you can say to him is there? You can't have a reasonable conversation about why such an obvious double standard is unfair with someone who believes in them.

Answer 5

I don't know....my dh wouldn't want to share me. At least thats what he has stated. But I'm totally love the idea of us being with a woman. I think my dh would be degraded too if I stated we could involve a male. We have never done any of this. If your not comfy with a female, then that's your choice. Tell him exactly how you feel. You don't want to make such a desicion unless both of you are COMPLETELY honest and your marriage is really strong. THere is no right or wrong way of thinking, how you feel is how you feel and you shouldn't be judged for it -- however, you and your husband need to be honest with each other - completely

Answer 6

In my opinion you are wrong. My cousin and her husband did that and he ended up divorcing her (3 kids too) and marrying the other woman while my cousin was devastated. (I had no sympathy for her. They had been married a LONG time too) I think the partner you have chosen for life should be it. Isn't that the purpose of marriage? If not, why did you bother getting married. Rent some porn movies and pretend you are with the ones on the screen if you want to feel you are in the company of others....

Answer 7

He is right about the shareing part. You have to understand that by bringing that idea up in the first place you probably made him feel very unwanted and/or not good enough of a lover. The thing about threesomes is that they can be fun. For people who aren't emotionally involved. You gave yourself to him and he to you. When you do things like that it is a form of cheating. Have you thought about how you might feel when you see him doing things with another woman or vice verse. I wish you all the best.

Answer 8

Let me get this right.. he is cool with another woman, but not with another man? Sounds lopsided to me. Maybe he has some issues with seeing or being seen naked by another guy. Guess that is possible. But if he is cool with you being with another woman, then the door should go both ways, know what I mean?

Just keep in mind you are putting a huge stressor on your marriage. This is going to open up a whole new can of worms. Hope you are ready for it.

If he is not into this, then drop the subject. Be considerate enough of his feelings to know that he doesn't like this, and let it go.

Answer 9

he is right. what the hell are you thinking. how can you share your husband with someone else? that is sooooooooooooo wrong. if you even liked him a little bit you couldn't stand seeing your husband's C""" into some other H''''''s Pu''''''' . you should get some help after you get divorced cause obviously this is not a marriage. there is a reason fantasies are called fantasies, they are not real. I have the same fantasies about my husband too but I would never want them to be reality. I'd rather die.

Answer 10

Its good that you are talking about it with him. I think you would have to be very careful with who you chose as it could ruin the relationship. I don't think it is wrong and degrading, I have been in a few threesomes now and recently the other girl caused problems in my relationship..only because she was a friend of my ex and had feelings for him b4..
Nothing is wrong with spicing up your love life, gosh you only live once!! I think maybe your husband is feeling not good enough for you, or feeling threatened in some way, so just ease his mind a bit on this one.

Good luck and have fun!! It'll rock your socks off. Drink champagne and go for it....

Answer 11

I personally think if you still had fantasies like this, then you werent really ready to get married. i think making love or having sex with your husband is something sacred(no matter how long you have been married). I agree you might as well get the divorce papers. Why dont you try role playing? buy a wig, and something you would never wear, and pretend to be someone named Sophia?? maybe that is stupid. but i think anything is better then having to bring another person in on the equation.