why ya'll indian people like arranged marriages?

Question

im indian myself and i think it is ridiculous to have an arranged marriage- how can you deal with having to spend the rest of your life with a complete unknown stranger- is it to benefit your family cuz thats jus stupid

btw im and indian but born and raised in america

Answer 1

Unfortunately, it is their culture. However, our generation is slowly changing that. One of my best friends was raised in India and now lives in Dallas. His parents wanted him to marry who they chose, however, he refused(good for him) and married a girl he loved. It isn't ONLY Indian, it is also Chinese. My husband was raised traditional Chinese in Australia, whilst I am American born Chinese. His parents HATE me, don't acknowlege our children and have all but disowned him for going against their wishes. My husband's father has had many affairs over the years and even produced two other kids out of wedlock. His mother is an alcoholic. Point is THEY aren't happy with their partner that their parents chose for them, so I don't know what gives them the right to think they deserve to torture their son with the same hell. I am SO glad I am American, and also blessed to have this wonderful man who chose me over tradition!

Answer 2

You have many good answers.

Some people just cannot meet people on their own because of many reasons and the cultural up bringing.

But I will give you more information that is up to date and is a generally acceptable senerio to day.

Most arranged marriages are not sight unseen but some are still, but non to very few. It is almost like blind date, at a small party as a rule you are introduced.

Before 1900, all over the world most of the marriages were arrange.

Now a days the couple meet in the presence of the elder, if they like each others they are pined(general agreement that is understood is they are going out together for few times, which may result in a wedding. They as a rule get short period of some thing like blind dates they may have an older(grandma shapron or a child shapron).

They may say yes or no to the marriage at any time. Usually time permitting some may see 100s of eligibles and go out with few before a suitable match is made. Some times an instant match is found and they get married.

In most big cities like New York, you will find match makers, there are sight on your computer that are devoted to match making, for very bussy people or peple in certain proffession, it is very difficul to meet suitable person so meeting is arrange for the perpose(or intention) of getting married.

It is wrong to have arrange marriages for the benifit of the family, but it happens. This should be avoided, must be avoided and can be avoided.

Yahoo has a site known as www.yahoo.saadii.com, try it if you like. You may enjoy it. Find some one there, if you are single and unattached and 25 years of age, ready willing and able to get married.

By the way each Indian Commmunity has their own twist on this behavior and Community Guidelines. Each arranged marriage is slightly different also.

Answer 3

Not all Indians go for arranged marriages. There are lots of people in India who fall in love and marry. Arranged marriages is a tradition in India and some people prefer to stick to tradition. Spending the rest of the life with a stranger is bad. But if the husband continues to be stranger eternally, then there is something wrong with the wife and not the system. A loving relationship might develop with an alien after marriage which might continue till death if the couple is sincere and loving. And Americans themselves have proved that falling in love and getting married is just a big joke with the large number of marriages that crash within months of the nuptial. It is better to accept that every system has its virtues and vices.

Answer 4

If you are Indian and live in US, I am sure you have watched Bachelor/Bachelorette. Thankfully arranged marriage in India is not as horrible as that.
Also girls dont have to sleep with 25 different men thru their teenage life to the time they think they are ready to settle down. The concept of arranged marriage was that the parents suggest few compatible boys to the girl and the girl and boy make their choice. Given that the forcible marriages, dowry and business attitude in last 50 years has given arranged marriage a bad name but it depends on the families.
I had a love marriage, but we told our parents and made sure that we keep their happiness also in mind. My cousins had arranged marriages and some of them saw around 50 families and found many things unacceptable like the family, values, culture, horroscopes, level of education. So this gives a good idea to the girl and family that the groom is not always everything for the success of a marriage. It is a mature way to look at it. Because as fact has it, divorces happen for reasons other than compatibility of the couple.

Lot of love marriages is anything but that, so we should try and see if a concept has some "dum" substance in it, then put it down or accept it. If love happens & parents find things great they agree. In the same way if a proposal comes to a family from other family and if the bride and groom agree, families agree than that happens and they live happily ever after too.

Answer 5

Its Simple - my parents had an arranged marriage, my uncles and aunts had an arranged marriage, my grandparents had an arranged marriage and they all are to date going strong!! - So why not me too, following the legacy??

Well it goes something beyong that, to many of us a marriage is an union of only two people which to an extend is correct but it goes beyond it - it is also an union of two families!! For two individuals from different background decide to live together with xyz dreams just based on infactuation but once they begin to live due to their different upbringing, genetics they tend to have difference of opinions initially and then begin to clash and they then realise that the either person is not suitable and walk out of the marriage without caring of the kids in that relationship!! Divorce!!!

A lot of these 2's families if actually try can support, settle issues and convince either parties to not take the extreme step. And this would happen only if the family had been involved!!

And when you talk of families they are elders with a lot of wisdom and experience of life they know what triats could hold or break the family life of the 2 individuals. As for the two individuals I would not call it love in the initial stage its just attraction and infactuation if not why would they think of divorce on a later date? They would look at the blood line, family background, and most of all with a lot of people involved through their contacts, contact's contact they get to know the actual charecter and background of the boy or the girl and their family background - so incase the guy or the girl is of a bad charecter then there is no question of marrying them and then divorcing!!

One of the reasons why there are much lesser divorces in India as compared to any other country across centuries!!

And lastly if the marriage breaks the Girl and the Boy need not carry all the agony & blame for themselves they can put it on the family since its they who arranged the marriage!!

Though I've mentioned all the above these days because of Indian Girls getting Materialistic and valuing money more than relationship the number of Divorces are increasing - what I mean is a lot of these Today's Indian Women marry with a plan to divorce after a couple of years and suck out a huge lumpsum in terms of money and property off the boy and his family!! And this too is happening be it arranged or love!! Only difference is in this case in an arranged marriage the family of the girl too is involved and they creat situations for the marriage to break, support and instigatge the girl to break the marriage, missuse the laws that are basically to protect women to extort and extract their requirments and demands!!

Answer 6

FRIEND,

India is a land with rich cultural heritage.From thousands of years the Indian traditions have stood the test of time.

more than any other country India has time tested customs and traditions.The children are brought up in the traditional way and they understand the values and benefits of arranged marriages.

From the time they are able to observe and understand they see many such marriages.By the time they come to marriageable age , they will be seeing the married couple whose marriages the have seen and remember.Most families who married in traditional way live happily and and this the children observe.So virginity is given the most priority.

Actually by strict observance of celibacy, a person gets exta powers.His memory sharpens.He will be able to read,recollect and reproduce what he read with ease.It has proved .So the Indian Rishis (Sages) introduced it into tradition.It is the tradition of India.

The divorse rate is infinitely small in arranged marriages.The children too learn to love the parents and understand the benefits well as they all live together and the rest of society they move in too is like that.

Boys too feel proud and happy to observe celibacy willingly.There will not be any suppression of biological urge.It just is the natural way ...they do not feel any thing like they are depressed are they under restrictions etc.So it all happens automatically without any body forcing.

It is the Indian way.So one need not redicule it.

Every country depending upon its customs and traditions will let the children grow in that way.There is absolutely nothing wrong ,because it is their custom.you can not judge Indians with your traditions.So it is not correct to see another country with our countries tradtional values.It is incorrect.

For ages this process of arranged marriages is going on and ,there are no complaints in India.The girl and boy are allowed to see each other,talk to each other for nearly 3 to 4 months before the marriage takes place.

So in india it is the best wayin India.No debates are there,no girl is objecting to it.

so what I would like to say and conclude is , the traditions of one country differs very much from other countries traditions.All the traditions are good in their countries.You can not follow Us tradition in India and vice versa.

it may look to some , some thing strange.But if you read about India,its culture and traditions, observe syatistics and also observe the families , then you MAY appreciate the system.

Answer 7

First of all, to all those who think you dont have a choice in Arranged Marriage, you do have a choice.

If you do not like a girl that your parents show, do not marry. There is no compulsion unlike older generations where they the two did not speak for months after they got married. My grampa and granma might have spoken real less compared to what we speak today.

I did have an arranged marriage and am happy, because i chose the girl who I thought would suit me. I did refuse few girls and there was also a girl who refused me in arranged marriage itself.

So, You still get your partner you want.

Arranged Marriages are more prevalent in India than Americas due to the values we Indians attach to our tradition and Family.

America is a fiercely individualistic tradition where the baby is seperated from mother soon after birth and raised that way. The baby becomes individual from an early age.

it is not crazy to have an arranged marriages. It is better to have an arranged marriage where you compromise with your partner and live happily than have a love marriage that breaks soon after and end up marrying several times.

The bottom line, Arranged marriage for India, becauseof its culture.

Answer 8

My husband is Indian, but I am not. But his sister had an arranged marriage and they are very happy. I have asked this question myself and they all seem to say the same thing and that is ''I will love them''. That is the culture and how they are brought up. I'm not saying I agree with it, but if you are in that situation, and you are willing to make it work , there is no reason you shouldn't be happy.

Answer 9

Either in love marriage or arranged marriage, true love is the most important factor. When two unknown persons tied in a bond, they will respect each other feelings, do little sacrifices,
within short-time they will become true lovers.

Also, parents see ones character, relationships, communities, family background, etc.. which will lack in most love marriages. When u r in love, everything seems alright to u. You r not matured than ur parents. u may give preference to beauty or job. But ur parent's prefer mostly character & culture. Now a days, dowry is the least preferred factor.

Answer 10

Well I think basically we indians have mentality of mobs,slaves whatever you may say.We either hero worship others or want to blame others. In short we don't want to accept any responsibilities.No doubt we are still a backward nation. I am quite surprised by some of the responses. Those who say that in love marriages people sleep around and in arranged marriages they don't are living in fool's paradise. There are many people who sleep around not only in India but when they go abroad make friends with foreigners only to sleep with them and not live with them. Later on these Indians marry happily wherever their parents ask them to. Another reason I think is that arranged marriages bring dowry.Those who quote divorce rates to show the success of marriages are really nuts!!! People in India don't go for divorce because of social taboo and because often the women are not financially independent so they have to accept whatever their in-laws and parents dishout to them. Parents don't arrange their children's marriages to make them happy but to maintain casteism etc.Just read any matrimonial ad and you will see. If american parents had the right to decide their children's fates they also would have made the latters' lives hell. Do you think a white catholic parent will allow his child to marry a black/protestant/jew/asian? However the most important thing in India is to respect and love your parents no matter how cruel and demanding they are to you. You may leave your wife,starve your wife,rape your wife,beat your wife,have extra marital affairs but don't go against your parents' wishes unless it is for the latters' benefit.However inwestern countries the marital relationship is considered the most important. Maybe it is the effect of the respective religions. Christianity considers the marital relationship to be the most important amongst human relations.But hinduism considers that a child's first duty is towards his parents.