My step son's mother is something else to deal with. He lives 3.5 hrs away. My husband has everyother weekend visitation and every other week in the summer months. They meet half way to pick up and drop off. However, my husband or the rest of our family have had no time with him in almost 3 months, due to sports activities. She expects us to go 3.5 hours away everyother weekend with 4 other kids to see him play lacrosse. (very proud of him by the way). and stay in a hotel....or we don't get to see him. another problem My husband works on weekends(sometimes)also helps coach our 5 yr olds soccer team. He tries to make sure he is fair and gets to a couple games for everyone. Even though he tries super hard and has a good heart about it the ex is horrible to him. Calls him a loser in front of his son etc......always blames him....did I mention she's been married 3 times in the past 2 years and moved 7 times? We pay for all extra activities plus pays 125.00/week support HELP!!!!!
2007-05-24 09:41:12 · 11 answers · asked by Mik mom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Time for your husband to have the visitation modified and let the courts know what is going on... I would suggest even filing for physical custody since she has been divorced 3 times in the past 2 years and moved 7 times... The courts as well as any child therapist know how this type of instability is not good for any child... Not to mention adult... Good Luck
2007-05-24 09:48:11 · answer #1 · answered by Oula 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like his ex isn't a very nice person. I don't really know how much more he can do. Sounds like he's trying really hard to be a good daddy.
He could try talking to his ex and explaining that he does have other children and trys hard to do what he can but the distance and money is hard. Having to stay at a hotel plus gas for a three hour drive is hard to do every other weekend.
I would record all this, write down everything, date, time and event. How she is expecting him to do all these extras and in the end he isn't getting enough time with his son.
I don't wnat ot say take her to court over this, but if in the end teh court re-evaluates the status then this is something to bring up.
So long as he keeps to his paying child support and whatever else was decided by the court then there is no reason why his son can't come and see him every other weekend and she should see to it that he does.
I get peeved with the family court system i've seen it ruin the mothers and in these cases makes it hard for the fathers.
I'm going into family law so if you ever need anything please feel free to email me anytime.
Hope it works but give your hubby a BIG hug and kiss he's working hard ot be a good dad and that's the mark of a great man.
2007-05-24 09:52:21 · answer #2 · answered by *Sbaby* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tip my hat to your husband for not giving up on his son and his activities, some men would have said what the heck and let it be. The ex needs to put her in place by your husband about calling him names in front of his child. Some think it makes them look big when in reality it makes her stupid and jealous because he has settled down. I would go back to the lawyer he had from the start and talk with him. Maybe during sport season the hours could be modified, so that the child doesn't feel so bad. If your husband pays her 125.00 a week in support she needs to work with him and not againist him. I hope it all works out well because of the child.
2007-05-24 10:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband made choices in his divorce. Those choices have consequences. I am assuming since you live so far away that your husband chose to relocate to marry and raise a family with you, or he didn't fight his ex when she chose to relocate so far away. No court I know of would have approved such a move....without some really strong reasons.
If you want to do what is best for your step son then move closer to his mom. You don't really have any other options that work in this situation.
Doing the right thing, all the time, no matter how hard it is, is usually not the easiest thing....
2007-05-24 09:55:34 · answer #4 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have a similar situation with travel, distance, mean ex, sports etc. Something that I have been working on implementing is a schedule. Trying to get some sort of schedule from her on his activities, maybe a month in advance (have May's schedule in April, etc) or 6 weeks with explanation to her that this will allow for planning time to be a part of son's life. BTW, since he is 13, there is no reason the two of you cannot explain this to him as well. With a schedule, there are no surprises, no one gets feelings hurt and everyone knows what's going on.
Good luck!
2007-05-24 10:26:42 · answer #5 · answered by Denise D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy answer to this one.
You have to keep in mind that you should always have the best interest of your step-son at the top of the list. If he is excelling in lacrosse, you can't expect him to drop the sport just because he has to go for visitation. That is not fair to him. I think it is great that you can go and watch sometimes, but you can't expect the son to just put his life on hold because his parents don't live in the same town.
I'm sorry that the mother is bitter and hard to deal with, but you can't change her. All you can do is support your step-son!
Best Wishes!
2007-05-24 09:49:30 · answer #6 · answered by Buff 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We also went through this with my husbands ex wife who would put his daughter in everything, but she would only take her during his visits. So, here is the solution:
Your husbands time with his son is MORE IMPORTANT than any sports or other activities. That is his court appointed time. And your husband has EVERY right to refuse his son from going. If his ex balks, threaten to file contempt of court on her. Otherwise, she is to meet your husband at the correct times on his visits. If she brings up how disappointed he will be, remind her she should not commit the child to something when it is not her time. Courts will back you 100%. We actually won on that issue. Good luck!
2007-05-24 09:52:15 · answer #7 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I live 45 mins from my step kids and we both work full time as the bio mom only has to work 16 hrs a week. we cannot always make all their events and they understand. She tried saying things about us in front of the kids, and we had a quiet order placed on her so that if she does say something she is in conptemp. shes already paid 1700 dollars. We cannot afford to do all the driving so the kids dont do sports that interfere with our visits. she is not allowed to sign them up for it either. and if there is something she has to do all the driving herself. to and back to my house. The kids still do things but the arrange it around our visits. Spending time with family is the most important thing and you should not be having to give up so he can have it all
2007-05-24 09:51:27 · answer #8 · answered by debbie v 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sound like you're having trouble with the ex and not the 13 year old. Maybe you should seek legal help to iron out the details of visits and transportation. It's not fair that she expect you too pack up your entire family when it would be easier for her to bring one child.
2007-05-24 09:51:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
HIs son is suffering from having to share his dad with someone else's children. Before he married you your husband should have considered what it would mean to his relaitonship with his son. I feel the solution would be for you and your husband to move in order to be closer to where his son lives.
2007-05-24 09:49:41 · answer #10 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋