I am trying to quit gossiping, it is destructive and often wrong. But yesterday I was among a group of coworkers who were talking about my friend’s husband. They have seen him in the mall and out at restaurants with another woman, and they speculate he is cheating on her.
My friend will not be shocked to hear that her husband is cheating, she has suspected as much for a long time. It may spurn her to initiate her divorce, something she has talked about for months. I think she would be hurt to hear people are talking about her marriage when she is not there. She may understand that they were not talking about her and it was not meant to hurt her, they are concerned for her.
If it was you, would you want to know?
2007-05-24 07:06:59 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would tell her that a friend/coworker (whatever you want to say) has seen her husband out with another woman...look for her reaction. If she freaks, don't tell her who it was or how many people have seen them. If she doesn't, answer all of her questions honestly--after all, if she's got a husband lying to her, don't you think she needs an honest person in her life?
Good luck!
2007-05-24 07:13:16 · answer #1 · answered by Mary D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a hard call to make. But so far you have not seen him with someone so you will just be a part of the gossip mill and possibly damage 2 lives and a marriage based on here say. She may be talking about it but they are still together and there is hope.
By repeating what you heard, you may be spreading a lie.
If you see him then that is a different story. Let' say it is true, sometimes the spouse that is told the negative information will choose to not to believe it and look at the informer as an enemy.
I have never seen anyone tell a friend information like that and the friendship not end. Whether it was the truth or not.
Since you have a problem with gossip and want to quit, I would not share unless you have seen it with your own eyes. Then think about it carefully, are you the one that needs to tell her?
And dont' forget - if you LISTEN to others gossip you are still participating.
2007-05-24 07:15:46 · answer #2 · answered by Moonpie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should never carry gossip, you say they speculate that he is cheating on her. How do they know this is not some out of town relatives. It is best if you want to keep your friendship to just keep your mouth shut. The best way to lose a friend is to but in about gossip or if it is really the truth. She loves her husband I've seen it happen time ant time again. He'll talk to her and they'll agree to be together and they will both turn on you for starting trouble even though you thought you were helping her, she loves him and will not be your friend anymore. Just keep your mouth out of it and I'm sure she has other friends , let them if you really like her, let them tell her and lose her friendship ,not you.
2007-05-24 07:27:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question, well you could approach her and just let her know that there are talks about her husband around the workplace, him being spotted out with another woman, and she might question him and try to get to the truth. He might have a good explanation as to who the other woman was and his reason for being out with her. Could this be a case of mistaken identity? Are the coworkers certain it was him? On the other hand, I don't see what telling this friend is going to solve, it will just hurt her more. If she's going to file for divorce she just needs to go on with it, no need to keep adding more pain.
2007-05-24 07:20:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as gossip, that's all it is "GOSSIP". Some people have nothing better to do with their time. I live by the rule "believe half of what I see and nothing of what I hear". I would let it go in one ear and out the other. Your friend sounds like she has enough on her mind. A far as gossip about me I couldn't care less. If there was gossip about me it would be the least of my worries.
Hope this helps
2007-05-24 07:30:10 · answer #5 · answered by Chode64 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation as your friend. I suspected but had no proof of my husband running around. Yes, it all came out eventually but months later and lots of emotional stress andtoil on me. I asked people close to me that if they knew what was going on back then, they told me "yes, we knew but we didn't want to hurt your feelings." Well, I would have rather known the truth instead of living a lie all those months and catching a disease. I don't consider those people friends anymore. Truth hurts but it is best. He is gone and I am much better. I hate liars.
2007-05-24 07:19:49 · answer #6 · answered by do it right 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband cheated on me and I knew it, but I also resented people telling me because I was in denial and didn't want to hear the gossip... Gossip is bad and no one has the right to stick there nose in someone elses life. It is a sin to break a marriage apart. (let no man come between us) But if you are truly her friend and you know without a shadow of a doubt that he is cheating then in stead of repeating what others are saying, then go with her to spy, let her see for herself what he is doing!!! My best friend came to my house and said get your bag, we are going for a ride... People are strange when it comes to there spouses and even if you are trying to help her you could ruin the friendship, because the bearer of bad news is the one that came between you and she might take it out on you... Everyone knows that if he's doing her wrong he is the bad guy but she could take it out on you... Don't gossip,,, just show her!!!
2007-05-24 07:19:29 · answer #7 · answered by Flying w/ scissors 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband would tell me I was crazy when I accused him of cheating, it was always only friendship. I wish someone would have told me. I found out after he moved out when I found a jewelry receipt. This relationship went on for 10 years. I worked every day 12 hour days. He did not work and he was with her almost everyday for lunch and at my house. She left before I came home I had no idea it was this bad. If someone would have told me I would have thrown him out 10 years before. I wasted 10 years because no one would tell me I was not crazy it was going on. If I had known, I could have gotten a detective and got him sooner in my own home with my youngest sister. Tell her she needs some one to confirm what she already knows.
2007-05-24 07:55:04 · answer #8 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT IS GOSSIP! you haven't seen him yourself so you have NO BUSINESS spouting off to her. If she suspects he is cheating, then she can take the steps to find out herself if she wants...if she is turning a blind eye to it, it isn't your business to force her to see.
And yes, it does suck that people talk about other people behind their back - but as someone who is saying they are trying to quit gossiping, it sounds as if you do it as well...so don't think you are such a savior for wanting to tell someone what you heard, when you know you are going to turn around and tell others what you did & what her reaction was to it...just stay out of it all together.
2007-05-24 07:13:22 · answer #9 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is just gossip then there is no way you should tell her since there aren't any evidence other than someone's mouth. Unless you saw it with your own eyes and know for sure that he is then you should just keep your mouth shut. Ask yourself this question: "What if I did tell her and it wasn't the truth; how would I feel at the end?"
2007-05-24 07:13:11 · answer #10 · answered by deniseywalker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋