I am going through a divorce and so is this man that I am seeing. Neither one of ours is final yet. He has three beatiful boys. I am not ready to meet them yet, however he asked me to go to a family party with them on Saturday. I told him that I would think about it. If I tell him No, I am afraid that it may hurt his feelings. I do love children, but I do not have any of my own. I am sure that I will love his, but I just dont feel like we are at the point where we should meet. He has met my entire faimly, because he knew them already before we got together so it was easier to introduce that we are seeing each other. Any advice? I think I would feel uncomfortable if I go, and I think the children would too. However, I dont want him to think I have a problem with him having children.
2007-05-24 06:57:02 · 11 answers · asked by Wen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just experienced something similar recently when dating a guy from my past who, in the years we were apart, married and had a child. I was very nervous about the meeting and told him so. He undersood my concerns and we discussed in details how the meeting would take place and how we would behave in the presence of the child. He consulted a family therapist who recommended that the child be kept in the loop and to share with him that this friend of daddy's will be there. When children know what to expect, they accept much more easily. Turns out the meeting went very well. He was daddy and I was daddy's friend. The child was happy to meet a new adult and wanted to watch favorite programs together or share favorite games. It went very smoothly. I would say that as long as you set your own expectations and let the boys know that you will be there as a friend of their father's, they will be more accepting of your presence, and may even embrace it. Don't be put off if they don't accept you right away, it may just be that they are shy or just don't know how to respond to you yet. Just be who you are, and be happy!
2007-05-24 10:15:44 · answer #1 · answered by nikki0603 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, you need to meet them sometime, but a family party is not a good idea.
My father died when I was 14. My parents were together at the time. My mom told us that she was seeing someone new about six months after he died. I was the oldest of the children,and was more upset because I believed my mom was cheating on my father, the man who loved her until the day he died. It's been almost 3 years since then and I'm still not used to having this "new parent" in my life. I'm still really bitter and angry about how she introduced him to me (she had him over for supper the night I came home from the hospital after a long illness).
My situation is very different from yours but my point of view is of being the child affected. I hope this helps.
2007-05-24 07:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by Jaya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I think you should just be honest with this man. If he cares about you at all, he will understand that perhaps this is the best time to be introducing you to his children.
If you don't want to tell him (though I think you should, as honesty and trust are the two most important things in any relationship), then maybe you can go and ask to be introduced as a "friend" for now.
Good luck.
2007-05-24 07:03:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is not a serious relationship, then you should not meet the kids yet. The kids should only be brought into this relationship when it is serious and may be leading to marriage. Outside of that, it only confuses the kids and puts more burden/responsibility on you. Fall in love with the kids, just like the dad alot, and it will lead to another mistake(marriage) and enviably another divorce for both of you. Hope this helps.
2007-05-24 07:08:35 · answer #4 · answered by Lonnie F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sure it is hard enough on his children without having the new girlfriend hanging out at family functions. Tell him that, if it hurts his feelings then maybe you should consider a boyfriend who thinks more of his children and less of his own needs. Too soon . too too soon. maybe he hasnt realized that. dont be afraid to tell him.
2007-05-24 07:04:34 · answer #5 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should consider telling him what you said here.
Honesty is always the best policy. And if you cant be honest up front, what's the point. Relationships are supposed to be open, honest, above board, comfortable.......and above all
ENJOYABLE. No need to pretend, or worry. Bring all things to the table, BEFORE an issue becomes a problem.
2007-05-24 07:03:34 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, other members of his family don't view your favorably as you might be the "cause" of the man's marital problems His kids don't have to like you even though you may like them. Actually, few kids like their father's girlfriend unless their mother is a drunk or on drugs. Don't set your expectation too rosily.
Sarcastically, you are really interviewing for the job of a maid or babysitter
2007-05-24 07:04:23 · answer #7 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
while 2 people dislike one yet another with the help of default (aggressive co-workers, or dating competitors which incorporate this) then the terrific thank you to proceed is in many situations to be as high-quality as a threat. If I have been you, i could attempt to take an risk to talk to her. do no longer enable her become this secret discern that sits on the fringe threatening your dating. Make her a actual guy or woman on your strategies. this will additionally grant help to know the extremely undertaking between her and your husband. you will see her reactions, gauge her habit, and comprehend extra functional what to propose your husband to do. in addition to, you may in many situations bridge any tensions with the help of attempting to be cordial and well mannered. in case you act like a buddy, any contention that could exist could leave. there is often the prospect that she has no reason to dislike you. if this is so, you're lots extra functional off being friendly, and it will infinitely shrink stress over the direction of your marriage. in actuality, interior the long-term, it may even save the marriage altogether. i could additionally propose you to be direct with your husband. As a guy, i will inform you that we (adult men) are no longer very stable at detecting indicators or getting tricks. in case you're taking undertaking with somebody or something, you won't be able to assume him to comprehend it with the help of your habit or suggestive tone. Be direct and tell him what you think of. even if, i could propose doing that in the time of basic terms once you have met this woman and tried to be friendly. -ok
2016-10-05 23:35:22 · answer #8 · answered by intriago 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree it's too soon to meet his children. What's the rush? Neither of you are divorced yet.
2007-05-24 07:10:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do NOT do things for other people simply to spare feelings. when you start doing things for those reasons you are not being true to yourself OR to them.
if he is a good guy then he will be understanding....if he gets huffy about it.....count that as red flag #1.
(3 red flags and.....goodbye!)
2007-05-24 07:26:38 · answer #10 · answered by tiffany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋