My wife is feeling low, tired, anxious, and concerned that she does not have feelings of love towards our baby

Question

Hi. My wife had our first baby 2 weeks ago. She had a rough time due to mastitis, and is feeling quite low, tired, anxious, and concerned that she does not have feelings of love for the new baby. She has said how she is feeling, and is getting help from her mid-wife and her health-worker, and I do realise that it is early days yet. Does anyone have experience of these "baby blues"/depressions, and what we might expect going forward?

Answer 1

I had the same filling when I was pregnant !
In a small dose THAT IS NORMAL!
Once,when I sad that to my Dr,he asked me:
"How you can love a person when you don't know that person?
You will fill something,that is not love,
LOVE WILL COME LITTLE BY LITTLE !
And,one moment you will see WHAT IS LOVE,and you will not be able to believe how greatly THAT LOVE IS!!!"

Try to find this books(helped to me):

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING
and for after(first year)
WHAT TO EXPECT THE FIRST YEAR
By:
Arlene Eisenberg
Heidi E.Murkoff
Sandee E.Hathaway

Good luck and GOD BLESS YOU

Answer 2

For the first couple of weeks, the baby-blues which affect most women) can cause a few problems to start-tearfulness, tiredness, feeling low or anxious, and of course confusion as to her feelings towards baby.

Try not to worry too much, she's going to need your support more now than ever, so you'll need to stay strong. Give her reassurance and love, and tell her she's doing fine.

If after a month or so she's not bonding with baby or she gets worse, she could be suffering from post-natal depression, and may need some medical attention to help her through. My mum went through post-natal depression, and both times went through believing she was a bad mother, that she wasn't good enough to take care of us, she had very low self-esteem and self confidence, she was tired all the time (sleep loss is a major contributor to post-natal depression, as is going off food, so keep a close eye on her)

I'm sure though that she will be just fine, and that you'll settle into a new routine all round.

Good luck to you both! x

Answer 3

AS previous people have mentioned this is a common felling with baby blues and post natal depression. It can sometimes pass quickly but other times it can last for a while. Your wife is doing the right thing my speaking to the midwife and health worker about her feelings. They might suggest medication as a short term option to help raise the depression. You can help by giving her time out ie.. let your wife have a relaxing bath, take baby out for a walk, and if your wife is breast feeding then suggest expressing some milk so you can give baby a bottle so she doesn't have to get up in the night.

I found that attending BABY MASSAGE classes helped me to form a closer bond with my child and relieved some of the anxieties i was feeling. Your health visitor may have information on classes or look at teh Internationl Assosiation of Infant Massage website for the nearest instructor.

Answer 4

It is early days yet, don't worry. It's normal for her to feel like this.
When i gave birth to my daughter, it took me a while to bond with her. Some women can feel at a low when just having a baby, they are tired, exhausted even, and it takes a lot out of a womans body being pregnant for nine months.
If you think she may have post natal depression then the midwife will pick up on this and make sure she gets monitored. They won't turn their back on her.
Just give her time and if you help as much as you can with the baby then things will become easier for her and she will fall into the routine.
It just takes time that's all and you have to have a little patience.
Congratulations on the birth by the way.

Answer 5

You sound like a very concerned and supportive husband. It is early, and it is always tough adjusting to new things.

It's great that she has help from a mid-wife and health-worker, but she really needs to speak to a licensed therapist if things don't start getting better, soon. Sometimes all it takes is having someone say the right thing, and a professional will probably be able to figure out what that is better than the average mom, or she may actually need have a prescription to get her through this. Either way, it's better to be safe than sorry, in case this is serious.

Answer 6

It's still early, so the feelings may pass soon, but it's a good thing that she's already contacted her mid-wife for help, just in case. I had the baby blues/postpartum depression for about the first 6-8 weeks after my baby was born. Sleep deprivation is a major contributing factor, so do everything you can to help your wife get as much sleep as she can. Let her just concentrate on caring for and enjoying the baby, make sure she doesn't feel any pressure to get the "other stuff" (housework, etc) done. And above all, as her husband, please please please be as supportive and patient as possible. She is going through a really hard time and your support *will* make a great deal of difference. Baby blues/postpartum depression can go away on its own without treatment, but sometimes medication or therapy is necessary - only you, your wife, and your care providers can decide what the best course of action to take.

Answer 7

Thats great she is getting help. Is she brestfeeding ur little one, either way it might be a good idea for ur wife to spend some quality time with ur baby, try doing skin to skin, where u wife would be naked top half and the baby just in their nappy, place ur babies tummy on ur wifes chest area, this has been shown to improve the bonding between mother and child. Im a nurse in a special care baby unit and we get babies in of only 24weeks gestation and above and when they are well enough this skin to skin contant is greatly encouraged and ive seen first hand the effect it has. Ur baby will be kept warm from mum and u can always put a blanket behind the babies back if ur worried about their temperature. Hope this helps

Answer 8

This is totally normal. I experienced the exact same feelings - it's a combination of hormones, EXTREME exaustion, and the overwhelming feelings of becoming a parent. I promise you she'll feel better in time, but it could take a while. As for not having feelings of love toward the baby, that's normal too - it takes a while to 'bond' with the baby. It's so hard when they're so unresponsive - no smiles, no giggles, etc. Once the baby 'wakes up' in a few weeks, that feeling should get stronger too.

What you can do for her is continue to support her (which it sounds like you're doing a great job of), and make sure she gets as much rest as possible. Sleep deprivation makes everything seem so much worse....

I'm sure she'll be a great mom. If she's acknowledging her feelings and seeking help, she already IS a great mom!!

Answer 9

oh poor thing! she is probably exhausted. i am a mother of a two year old boy and 7 month old boy and was when i had my first i was overwhelmed with love. my second baby however i just don't think i could accept i had given birth. a took a few weeks till ireally felt the love for him. i felt so guilty. everyone is different but this is such a common thing. just let her know that it is completely normal as sister in law also had the same thing and it should help her feel better. some people take time to love there baby and there is nothing wrong with that. just support her and let you know you love her plus be aware that your hormones take a while to calm down.

Answer 10

Its good that shes getting help and telling people who she feels.
You dont just fall in love with your baby when u first have it, its a stranger. And a lot of women expect to just fall inlove straight away. Love grows and it will with her baby. At the moment her hormones are all over the place as its still early days and a huge change.
Just keep talking to her and making sure she gets the help she needs. There will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Answer 11

Please listen to the advice as I suffered after all three of my children. Had I been given the right treatment it would have helped and saved a great deal of heart ache for both my family and husband of the time.

Baby blues, post natal depression are both utterly disabilitating and if not treated properly can lead to further depression through life. It is mainly triggered by hormonal and chemical inbalances. No good telling someone to pull themselves together; Love, understanding and support are important. And hey you need support here too so take advantage of help offered by family members and friends. Do not try to go it alone.

All the best.