What would you tell a married friend who is unhappy in her marriage?

Question

She says he doesn't deserve her because he loves her way more than she could ever love him. She loves him, but is not in love with him. They have 1 child together and have been together for 9 years they are in their mid 30's. She is not a depressed person. He is not bad to her in any way.....he doesn't beat her or cuss her etc.. He just loves her so much he is always on her huggy kissy just always there..and that bugs her. What do I tell this woman? She is ready to go. She says once she is done she is done.This has come about in the last 5 months. There is noone else that she is seeing she just wants to be herself! We have been friends for 30 long years and I just don't know what else to tell her.

he loves her too hard she feels he should be loved by someone else as much as he loves her. She says he is also lazy he has big boy toys and don't contribute to the family the way a man should. And they have been seperated 5 times because he always pity parties himself. She told him he lets her control him too much which makes him a weaker man.

my take..........She has a great job makes her own money pays her part of the bills, and still plays super mom..... dance recitals sports school stuff etc..! He works comes home plays with his big boy toys and can hardly make the mortgage each month which mind you is all about she makes him pay! They also have a step child in the house, a mother of hers, and a friend in the house too. all these people are in one house together! She doesn't feel she hasn't accomplised anything because she truly has.

Anyone have any addiontal help? I have read all these answers to her and she says they all make sence except for one that will remain unnamed!

PLEASE HELP WITH ANSWERS!!!

Answer 1

Just listen. Don't suggest. No one follows your suggestions anyway. So they will just come up later when she has made up with her husband.

Answer 2

She has alot of weighing the facts to consider....As time goes on,we sometimes realiaze that we often don't feel the way we should or used to feel....She has to ask herself what it is she now desires and if being with this man is interferring with her desires....What is it that she is seeking instead of the life she has been in for the past 9 years.....What is causing the emptiness that is inside of her....what is causing the longing for something else other than what she already has......She has to consider the hurt and pain that her feelings are going to cause the man that truly loves her and the child that they have together.....are her feelings based on her discontent with the marriage or the fact that she has not done any thing that she considers worthwhile with or for herself.....Is she seekong something that she can't have if she remains married.....Maybe she needs to take a hard look at what good she has in her life and how miserable some other people are with their's......It is not uncommon that after a number of years of being married, we sometimes feel we want or need something else.....The grass sometimes seems greener on the other side of the fence.....and we long to have what we think, everybody else has and not appreciate what we already have.......Ultimately , there is NOTHING ,that you can do for her....she has to work it out for herself.....You can just be a good friend (as you apparently are) and stand by whatever disision she makes and be there for her to help her bounce back from all the turmoil she is going through at this sad time in her life.....She may not seem depressed to you , I'm sure she is.....how could she not be ,when she's feeling like this?........Wow ,I wish I had a friend like you around me , when I divorced, to lean on and dry my tears.....

Answer 3

Don't tell her anything, just listen. If she asks for your advice tell her that you aren't living her life and that any real decisions need to be made by her. A 30 year friendship would be a great loss if she thinks you led her on the wrong path. Support her decisions, be there when she needs you and always listen. That's what she really wants and needs, it's her marriage and if it's not enough for her, it's just not. I may sound really passive here but I've seen how what telling someone what to do ended friendships. Also seeing as how there is no one else, she probably does want to end this relationship. She may be sorry later but hindsight is 20/20.

Answer 4

I was unhappy in my marriage and my husband swears he loves me way too much,and because of that he was controlling, demanding, clingy and did not have a life of his own and that as well got on my nerves. If I was home he watched my every move and as soon as I walked out of the house he called me constently. And he says he does that because he loves me so much. We have 2 kids and I am in my early 30's and he is in his early 50's we have been together for 13 years and we are now seperated I still interact with him because we have children and we still own a home together but, sometimes I think of going back but when I am around him i remember the reason I left. So I am saying all this to say if she is unhappy and there is no way she will find happiness in still being with him then yes she should go cause it would be unfair to the both of them staying in that relationship. Life is too short and if you loose yourself what else will you have?

Answer 5

Your friend needs to understand that throughout a marriage people are constantly falling in and out of love with each other. The key is to not give up on each other. She was in love with him at some point or she wouldn't have married him. It is too hard to find the kind of love he has for her. times and people have changed. She should tell him when she needs a lil space but not throw away 9 years of marriage because he bugs her. we should all be so lucky...

Answer 6

Wow, she is selfish! Why do you have a friend like that? Why do you want to be friends with someone who would break up a loving home for her child, with obviously a great dad, just because she wants space?

Gee, you'd think after 9 years she'd be able to talk to her husband about her feelings.

Answer 7

No one just wakes up one day and decides to completely change their lives unless they are unhappy. She needs to look closely at herself and figure out why instead of just saying " i want to be myself". Its surely more complicated than that. Tell her to examine her motives and specific desires before making such a huge move ( for the childs sake).

Answer 8

Some people just can't take a lot of intimacy. She took a long time to figure it out. I like to be like that and a lot of women, in my experience, like a guy to be rougher, as much complaining as there is about it. He's just being too easy on her.

Answer 9

Marriage is all about finding compromise in emotions and deeds. They need to sit down and find a way they can be happy together. The ability to meet halfway is essential for any relationship to succeed.

Answer 10

She needs to find out what exactly is going on with her. At some point and time she loved him, why is she out of love now. Secondly she needs to talk with him and a counselor. To hoard feelings like that is unfair to him, the marriage, the child, and herself. To just walk out is a bit selfish to everyone. Just out of respect to her husband, I would suggest they talk to one another. But if she decides to leave.

Answer 11

Tell her to grow up. She chose to marry him. She chose to have a child with him. She's a jerk. She's going to tell her child that she destroyed her child's home and family life because dad loved her too much? Jerk. Make better friends.