How should I handle this situation?

Question

my wife left me 2 weeks ago. Some really bad stuff
happened (unplanned pregnancy, abortion, emotions,
yelling, then she left). Since then I've seen her stopping
places at times when she knows I'll be there because
it's my normal routine. She is playing hard to get.
Being there but not communicating with me at all by
phone, email or anything but she's at places where she'll
run into me a lot. I myself have tried to avoid those places.
She's serious about divorce but so am I because she
left. She is stubborn and so am I. We'd both go through
this to just prove to the other we're not going to be
pushed around. I'm wondering if I should contact her like
send her a text saying "miss your husband het?". Only thing
is if she doesn’t care she just won't respond and get satisfaction
and power from it and it will make me feel worse to not get
a response. I do think she's trying to connect with me
by being somewhere. What should I do? Lots of people say
don't contact her but it's not like I'm dating her, she's my wife.
and we have a blended family with 3 kids to consider going throug
a divorce. If I send her something and she doesn't respond I'll feel
really foolish and my self esteem will take a hit. I want her to contact
me.

Answer 1

Who's playing hard to get?
PS> Good luck!

Answer 2

If you want to try and see if this marriage can be saved, I suggest you find a marital counselor and then contact your wife asking her to go with you to counseling.

It sounds like she is angry with you and her anger is making her want to leave you but her heart still longs for you. And on top of that her pride may be getting in the way of following her heart.

But no matter what, it is important to at the very least get all the frustrations and hurt out so that you both can either work to stay married and be able to get over the past, or to move on with the divorce but it not be an ugly one.

Answer 3

Wow I am sorry to hear about that..But ask yourself seriously..is this marriage not worth saving? You have 3 kids with your wife and you have to both be senseable infront of the children. Children are smart and they pick up on your tension and it affects them also. I think she is trying to get your attention and deep down she may not want to divorce. I am stubburn and say things that I dont always mean. But she is probably not going to tell you this,, because she is stubburn . She left probably under a stress emotional state...and just needs to take time to herself. Let me tell you something if you want this marriage to last you have to make a effort to put the foot out and see if she stops long enough to listen to you. You have to "break the ice". I know how stubburn people can be, and with both of you being stubborn its even more difficcult. But with both being stubburn waiting on the other to make communication move, well you might miss your opporunity if you dont stick your foot out there. You have 3 innoncence children to think about and either way you both have to learn to communicate well for the childrens' sake. Good luck !!

Answer 4

Quit playing games. This is your marriage not some high school fling. Did neither one of you mean the vows you said??? Do you remember the better or worse... Bad things happen in all relationships it just depends how much you love the person your with. and I Guess it comes down to what's more important loosing the person you love or being right??? Either way the two of you both need to grow up and definately get marriage counciling unless you just give up. Then you should go your separate ways and learn from this.

Answer 5

Honestly, it's time to move on. This power struggle takes up to much energy, you know? I understand you still love her, but with everything that's just happened and that you know she's serious about wanting a divorce, it's time to do your own thing =) Why put yourself through the what if's, you know? I'm one of those that if I have to start analyzing the situation like "does he like me, what will he think, what's next," all that stuff, then I don't need to be with the person. It's just a different way to think about things. But I'm sure you'll do the right thing. She unfortunately sounds immature for the way she's acting; showing up in places she'll know she'll see you.

Answer 6

Gee, you don't want to feel foolish of being ignored? You have 3 kids to consider; not just your pride.

It all started with a unintended pregnancy (which was irresponsible), then it's anger, yelling, slamming of the door, and finally, pride. What you two are doing is being silly, playing silly pride games, like kids. And gambling with your kids future.

You two have 3 kids to care for and it needs team work, a loving couple, a safe and comfortable home. Life tosses out a meanie at us now and then, but we gotta carry on man, not pout like kids.

You two may want to take a good look at what you are doing for yourselves, your kids, and your family; not just your pride.

Answer 7

Just like you said, she is not just a girlfriend. She's your wife. Contact her. See what happens. If you dont get a response, dont let it bother you or your self asteem. Remember this is your wife. This isnt high school where we feel dissed if we dont get a response, she is your wife, you have children together. Be the bigger person and contact her. I wouldn't say "miss your husband yet" I would try to be friendly. Saying "miss your husband yet" might upset her and she might try to prove to you that she doesnt have to tale to you and not respond. Be an adult about this situation.

Answer 8

WTF did you marry her in the first place?

whose kids are the three kids? Who the HELL is thinking about them or their needs?

Your wife is probably feeling really horrible about having to kill a child because you can't afford to raise 4 kids. She's probably got a boatload of resentment over (a) getting pregnant (and WHY were none of you taking precautions???) (b) having to go through with the abortion (c) the other kids.

She's in a LOT of pain right now. (I have no doubts that you are feeling similarly). But instead of showing any kind of compassion, you want to snark at her.

Both of you are putting your own pride and egos ahead of concern for your children or any compassion for each other.

BE THE MAN and make the first move. Approach her and ask her to join you in couples' therapy or counseling. She's going to have to live with the abortion for the rest of her life and sometimes you need some fricking counseling over it. (they used to provide this 30 years ago at womens' clinics - why they don't do this anymore boggles my mind).

And don't let this go, either.

The odds were stacked against you when you got married (divorce rates for second marriages are even higher than for first ones). She's been through a trauma. You have to recognize this and both of you have to deal with it.

If your marriage is going to work, you can't be afraid of appearing like a fool sometimes. Someone is going to have to make the first move. It might as well be you.

good luck to you.

Answer 9

First do you want her back and if you do you will have to be the bigger person and pursue it. don't be a stocker but offer to go to councaling or sit down a talk things out this is the hardest thing to do but it will show her that you love her. You do have to be prepared if she just blowes you off completely but if you love her and i think you do you have to be willing to get hurt to show her how much you need her and want her send he flowers at work to say sorry foranything you may have said that hurt her or if you did something .

Just remember if you don't take the risk you'll always wounder what if.

Answer 10

Set your pride aside and stop being so stubborn! One of you has to be the bigger person and you obviously still love her if you're asking us what you should do. Just talk to her... Screw that "I have the Power" game! Games are for highschoolers so Do what has to be done to hold that family together since you're the man and head of the house. THey all depend on you whether they tell you or not

Answer 11

Be an adult. If you want to communicate with your wife, and you should, then contact her. Be the better person. If both of you act like children and neither one will "give in" then you will end up divorced when maybe you wouldn't otherwise.