I'm Fighting A War At Home.?

Question

I am a deployed soldier in Iraq and I have been here for 8 months now. I keep getting into these huge arguements with my wife over stupid stuff. She has on numerous occations said she wanted a divorce, and then like a month later she would act like it never happened. I'm so confused and I feel like I'm gonna lose this war at home. Can someone tell me why she is doing this? I thought it could be the time apart or maybe someone else, or maybe she really is falling out of love for me. I try my best to be a great father and husband but it seems like I'm always doing something wrong with her. Please help me! I love her more than there are grains of salt in the ocean. I really want my marriage to work. ~ A Soldier In Need Of His Country ~.

Answer 1

1st of all...thank you for serving!

I'm married to a soldier as well, and yes, he has been deployed too. I'm not sure if your marriage had problems before you left or not, but deployments are very hard. I know it doesnt seem to compare to the hours and violent situation you are in now, but being the sole caretaker at home while you are away isVERY stressful and hard too. I know when my husband was deployed it seemed whatever could go wrong with the house, kids etc., did go wrong. I would imagine she is just overwhelmed right now and unfortunately is taking it out on you because you are not here. She probably needs some validation from you how hard things are for her too. It is hard for the spouse, constant worry for your loved one and depression. I wish you the best of luck, as it sounds like you are truly in love with your wife. I'm sure she loves you too and for fear of what you are going thru may be trying to distant her feelings. Just really try to talk and keep open communications with her.

Answer 2

God bless you my friend for being a good soldier. Need more like you. Can't say what's wrong with her. You know the old saying absence makes the heart grow fonder. Don't know what happened here. Maybe there is someone else. If you're the husband and father you say you are, seems to me she may well have been in contact with someone who probably tried to fill the void while you were gone. Shame on her though. It's hard to find a good man as it is. Get some alone time with her and have a heart to heart. See what she really wants. If she does want a divorce, it may be hard on you at first. But you have to focus on your kid(s) and yourself too. There are plenty of women waiting for a good man. Her loss if she goes through with it. Be strong and be willing to except the consequences. Move ahead, be happy, it will only get better.

Peace and Love

Answer 3

I am so sorry our current government put you in this situation. Do they not offer any kind of support to the families who are separated? If they do, ask your wife to go and speak with a counselor about all the things she is feeling.

You should ask some people to see if any of their family members are on any forums to support each other while their loved one is in Iraq.

There is this one:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hooaharmywives-girlfriends/

maybe you can ask her to join a forum like this so she can speak to people going through the same thing and get some moral support? There might even be a support group in the city she lives in where she can meet other families of soldiers in Iraq face-to-face.

She must be incredibly stressed out and needs someone to vent to and so she takes everything out on you.

Do you know how much longer you have to be out there for? I don't believe the government is doing enough to support families who are left behind.... long deployments are too stressful on a marriage, and then even more stressful if a couple has children. I think it is criminal to be deploying soldiers for such long periods at a time.

You just have to keep thanking her for taking of things at home and let her know you appreciate her so much and keep telling her how much you love her.

Is there any family that live in the same city that can help give her a break from time to time?

I hope your situation gets better!

Answer 4

It might just be all of the stress! She has to be stress out. Shes home, having to deal with everything without you, while at the same time worrying about you while you are in Iraq! Some people are just better at dealing with stuff like that than others. One of my best friends is a navy wife. When her husband was over seas she was sooo stressed out the whole time! They almost got a divorce! As soon as her husband came home she said she wanted to make the marriage work. So, mabey thats what your wife is going through right now??? You should ask her whats wrong. Try to talk to her, be sweet and understanding. Try not to get upset and just listen to what she has to say. You should also tell her how you feel. Tell her how much you love her and let her know you are worried because of how she is acting. I hope everything works out! Stay safe and I wish you the best of luck in Iraq and in your marriage! : )

Answer 5

Look, you should know as well as anyone that divorce rates are very high in the Army. Sadly many of these women, particularly the ones that got married young (before age 25) are very selfish and can't deal with the long deployments and sacrifices required of an Army wife. While I think that women that pull this kind of sh it (cheating, starting divorce procedings, having abortions, etc...) while their man is deployed in a hostile area are a disgrace, sadly they are more the rule then the exception. I hate to say it but this has all the signs of cheating, which is pretty comman on bases.....

If there are no kids involved, you need to stop calling home and focus on the job at hand. Stray thoughts can get you and/or your buddies depending on you killed. When you get home, then you can deal with this. If there are kids, keep up the communication with them through letters, e-mails, and calls.

Good luck!

Answer 6

It's the fact that the both of you are apart. Being away from your spouse takes a heavy toll on your marriage. And i'm sure you see that. Have u tried asking her from her point of view what the main problem is (hear it come out of her mouth instead of guessing)? She wants you there with her. How can you be a father to your child if you're never there? or how can you be a a good husband if you're never there? This is the reason why I turned down being a officer in the military (you belong to uncle sam, and you can't be there for your family when needed). But one thing I ask you to do, is to seek God!! He is the "Only" One that can keep your marriage together if "both" spouses desire the same thing. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Answer 7

Was she like this before you left? If not, she may just be going through a great deal of stress during your absence. It is difficult for a woman to take on ALL of the household duties, raise the kids, do all the errands, and have no one at home to hold her, help her, and to talk to. So when she finally does get to talk to you, she is torn...maybe angry that you're gone and not there for her, but knowing it's not your fault and that what you are doing is right and honorable and that she shouldn't complain, but she feels she is going crazy....

Maybe you could send her an email telling her the above, ask her if there is anything you can do to help her out? It could be that she just needs to see it in print.... At least you can't get into an argument over the email (not as bad, anyway).

Good luck to you, and God bless you for your service to your country!

Answer 8

It is very unfortunate that this happens. You (and your wife) grew up in the Me generation so your wife puts her emotional needs ahead of other things, including any consideration of where you are and your mission. She wants attention and thinks somebody has cheated her into this situation. And a woman in that frame of mind is irrational.

I say this is because you are a soldier and were trained to make rational and logical decisions, kind of by the book. Well, there is no book for you to deal with women. So the home situation is in total conflict with your work and is now pulling you left and right. You can't win there.

First thing first, block the home situation out of your mind so you can survive the war. Let the chips fall, wherever they might end up.

Answer 9

No body can answer this successfully for you because we arent inside her head. It probaby is the fact that she is lonely and you are away. She is probably frustrated and frightened. She probably didnt realise how lonely she would get being a soldiers wife. Its a tough time for both of you. She may be even worried that you wont come home. She would have many fears I am sure. My best advice to you is to talk to your Commanding Officer and ask him to get in contact with the Military Chaplain back home. He can go and visit her and maybe give her comfort of some kind. At least you will have someone working in your corner while you are away. Maybe all she needs is support.....it's a frightening time for both of you.

Answer 10

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