I feel like things are slipping away and no ones saying anything or admitting to it?

Question

I have been going out with this guy for a little over a yr now. We have a 5month old son. We tell each other I love you everyday, we still joke around and play around with each other and all that good stuff, however theyre has been 3/4 instances where he and i got into an argument and he has packed his stuff up and said he was leaving, only to shortly come back after he cooled off. within that heated moment he has said some not nice things which he says are out of anger. Well the last time he has done this on the way out the door he threatened that he would see me in court for custody of our son. However, just like all the other times he'd pack, etc he wouldnt make it very far before he would come back. Things are definitely not the same and as a result of it im constantly making remarks that could inadvertenly sabotage the relationship because of whats happened. This is not something i want and he admits to the way its making me feel, things dont feel the same. HELP.. Advice Pls

Answer 1

People do say things they dont mean in anger, but once said, it cant be taken back. He needs help in how to communicate effectively. Maybe counselling would be a good way to go before his words said in anger totally destroy your relationship. Its done a lot of damage already, so maybe if you told him how his temper tantrums have affected your feelings for him, then maybe he will understand the gravity of the situation and go to counselling with you. Maybe the next time he packs and leaves and says pretty shitty things to you...dont let him come back so easily. When he rings to apologise or wants to come back....tell him youre not ready because wheat he said has really hurt you and you dont know if you want him back. Let him cool his heels for a bit longer...but he will be cooling his heals on your terms, not on his. When you do finally allow him to come back, he wont be so quick to pack and leave if he knows you may not take him back the next time. The more you keep on taking him back, the more permission you are giving him to do it to you again, and again and again. Scare him a little bit the next time he does it and dont take him back. Keep him away for a week or two, then see if he is so quick to do it again.

Answer 2

Words can often hurt deeper than a physical blow and it takes time to get over them. You guys need to have a talk and tell him that he can't threaten to leave or walk out the door every time you have an arguement. You two need to learn how to have an arguement without it turning into such drama. You have a child now and it's time for him to act a bit more mature. Instead of running away from the problem, turn towards each other and work it out. Some guys need some "cooling off" time after a disagreement and that's fine if he goes into another room for a little while and then comes out after he's calm and talk it out. That's what I do and it has worked for us. The good thing is that he does come right back and you guys do work it out, but that behaviour is going to take its toll on you after a while and sounds like it already has. You need to set some ground rules for arguing. It may sound silly, but it works for us. I hope you get this all resolved and will be very happy together. It's worth working on!

Answer 3

You had a child with a man you only knew a few months and now there isn't much to the relationship and you are surprised by that?

Two simple choices here, you either work out the custody of your child and move on, or you get into couples counseling to learn to communicate with each other. If you don't, one day he won't come back and you'll be doing the above any way.

Answer 4

Go to your minister and get some counseling on this and learn how to act like adults for the sake of the child who did not ask to come into this mess.

It sounds like you both still care for each other so why not go to him and tell him you are sorry for all the snippy remarks you've made recently and that you will try to do better. Then get the counseling and try to figure out how to handle problems in the future so the child won't learn to run away everytime something doesn't go right.

And please don't have anymore children until you are married so you can give them a better foundation.

Answer 5

Wow thats quite a situation. You already know how stressful it is raising a new baby. Sometimes stress from other areas gets taken out on anyone who is around. He sounds like a very dramatic person. There are just folks who are not happy unless they are being dramatic. Unfortunately, it seems unhealthy to have that much fighting between you two, if not for yourselves than for the baby. I, most reluctantly, left my husband because we just flat out fought too much, and I didn't want my children to be around that, and think that was an acceptable way of life.

Maybe a trial period break from him is in order. If you were meant for each other than you will miss each other greatly and be willing to work on your obstacles. If not... then life will go on.

Just remember that life is so much easier when you remain cival for the babies sake. I like my ex-husband so much more now that we don't live together >< and find it very easy to remain amicable with him.

Good luck hon, and enjoy that baby.

Answer 6

If you guys know you say and do things to aggravate the situation, then stop it!
You two are the key to the solution.
Next time you feel an argument ensuing, sit down and discuss the problem. No blaming, no finger pointing, no name calling, no threats, no packing of personal items.

You both sound very young and that you got pregnant very early on in the relationship without really knowing each other.

Answer 7

Try counseling, like everyone says first. He has some anger/control issues that need to be addresses. If all else fails, get a divorce paper and restraining order which when he leaves and comes back you can give him and have the police remove him. Its not going to get much better and with documentation on his stability, he probably has no chance of getting primary custody. Start documenting this now.

Answer 8

This is what happens when you have a child with someone you dont know. You didnt have enough time to get to know the true person he is. When a child is brought into the relationship too soon it can cause strain and create problems. If talking doesnt work then maybe you were not meant to be together.

Answer 9

i'm so sorry you're hurting to boot. while i replaced into great unhappy I went to the christan e book keep and have been given books like Joel osteen ''your terrific existence comprehend'' Or the battlefield of the recommendations via Joyce meyers i do unlike heavy preacher form books yet they're easy very few scriptures yet extra like peep talks and guy without wish you seem down I did . i wanted to die heavily and consult with God replaced into probally the final venture. I enjoyed Jesus yet i replaced into so hurting I knew he replaced into real when I went to my motor vehicle and that i felt something say in my very own recommendations I felt be careful my very own voice and when I knew it had to be God warning me properly there replaced right into a freaky guy in my decrease back seat glory to God I felt this nevertheless small voice. i prefer you to confirm a e book yet dang do no longer comprehend the call you may call fellowship of the woodlands right here in the woodlands Texas I heard this legal expert pronounced I hated God and Jesus human beings for ten years I researched hated God then on the top I knew God wow what an journey yet wanted to tutor him incorrect he pronounced ten years! i attempted after study it is what an legal expert does i could no longer he is going international cool guy wrote a e book. i comprehend you hate me for suggesting yet I care and don't comprehend you i wanted to be an legal expert just to stupid hated college can run a business business enterprise make extra then legal expert yet purely no longer e book clever! My uncle replaced right into a coroproate legal expert clever,wealthy goodlokking and that i widespread him and you will be so happy with your self i'm so happy with you and don't even comprehend you! i'm like how extraordinary is this you Rock! Please examine some e book I hear to t.v. and as a count number of actuality i'm somewhat down top comprehend yet then i think of God while in comparison with others wow am I blessed.

Answer 10

you should go to a counselor and have them listen to each of you and figure this out since neither of you are really trying to get down to the issue. every time he says things like that he is just giving you empty threats and isn't wanting to get to the real problem. he's trying to scare you and try to get your buttons pushed.