My husband and I, have been married for almost 4 years. From the time we got together, we both knew that going to the Police Academy, was something I have been wanting to do. Now that the time is getting closer to going to the Academy, he is having issues. Sometimes he says he supports me, other times he is saying, that he feels that the Academy will end the marriage. Is this fair???
2007-05-24 03:08:01 · 10 answers · asked by mlou 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try talking to him and asking specifically why he feels it will end your marriage. What is he really afraid of. Reassure him that you love him.
2007-05-24 03:12:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, as much as I might want something like that, I wouldn't do it if he isn't agreeable to it. Husband and wife need to work together and agree on things so the marriage doesn't suffer through the strains and disagreements.
Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and discuss the pros and cons and what his concerns are about you doing this. It's always easy to say you will support someone in something when it's years away and then panic when the time draws near.
As a starter, why don't you see about being a Reserve Officer where you work 8 hrs a month (or more if you want) to get a feel for it and keep your regular job for now. Back home, the ROs didn't get paid, it was strictly volunteer and to work with an officer who was in a "two man car". Contact the Recruiting Office and ask them how you get involved in that.
Might also be a good idea for both of you to go through the classes they give to citizens (can't think what they call it back home) where you go through the Academy and learn alot of things the officers learn and let your husband get a better feel for what it's all about. The Recruiting Office can also give you information on that.
If you both decide for you to not pursue this, check into getting a job in the ID Bureau or the Radio Room where you can still be involved in working there and helping the officers. I worked as a civilian for 25 years and absolutely loved it ~ only left because of post polio problems and I retired on disability. I'd still be there if it wasn't for that.
Also, we had two officers that were shot in the line of duty many years ago and ended up in wheelchairs. Neither of them wanted to leave the department but had to retire as officers since they could no longer do that job. One came back as the civilian Police Artist and the other became an excellent Polygrapher and has traveled extensively and has helped alot of departments throughout the country.
There are lots of jobs so check into it and see what might be of interest to you.
Good luck and God bless
2007-05-24 03:23:40 · answer #2 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-05 23:15:39 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is feeling insecure with the idea of you bettering yourself. A woman with an education can go anywhere and do anything she wants. Also he may be feeling a little insecure with the idea of you going to school with several other men who are in good shape, smart, and ambitious.
This is not fair to you. He is hindering you from achieving your goal. This is also a control tactic.
Go to the academy. If this ends your marriage, at least you have a career and you can take care of yourself. If this ends your marriage, then your husband was not a good man to begin with. Any husband, with a little reassurance, should want to see his wife succeed and be happy with her life.
He may just be feeling inadequate. Perhaps you could reassure him that you love him, some fellow police academy recruit is not going to sweep you off your feet and wisk you away from him. He has your heart....forever.
I hope this works. If not, go. Live your dream. He can pout in the shadows, or he can step forward and lead the crowd in a round of applause for you.
2007-05-24 03:25:05 · answer #4 · answered by Marianimal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband wanted to be a police officer. His first wife told him it was the police academy or his marriage. He chose his marriage...he's now 50 years old, and still wishes he'd chosen the academy 25 years ago!
Did your husband think you would change your mind over time?? Definitely, as stated above, find out exactly what his problem is with you becoming a police officer. Yes, it's dangerous...yes, the hours stink (until you get some seniority, anyway)...but it's a decent, respectable job. It didn't work out for me (I washed out in FTO) but I've been fortunate enough to work in law enforcement administration for over ten years.
If he's worried about the danger, remind him that you could get killed walking across the street! When your time is up, it's up. You would be in MORE danger if you became a convenience store clerk!!
Good luck to you!!
2007-05-24 03:24:20 · answer #5 · answered by ksksksksks 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are sure this is what you want...talk to him. Advise him that he knew you had a desire to go to the P.A. when you first got together. Let him know that your not going to seek another partner, your going to offer a better life for your family. Reassure him that he is the only one and that you will call him when ever you can. He is nervous right now about you going off. If the marriage ends, it won't be because you are going off it will be for other issues such as him dealing with trust...Good luck in what ever decision you make...
2007-05-24 03:15:20 · answer #6 · answered by Lil_MissVal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that he's worried that you aren't going to be around and he sees wayyyyyyy into the future with you being a police officer and not coming home alive. let him know that you both knew from the get go that this is something that you wanted to do and you really need his support and that you are wondering why he thinks this will end the marriage. he needs to give you a good answer and help relieve his fears or worries.
2007-05-24 03:16:37 · answer #7 · answered by cowgirlclub 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats why you dont get married until you fulfill your dreams. Don't let anyone hold you back and don't change your life for someone. If he thinks that you doing something that you have dreamed of is going to end the marriage he's messed up. He should be behind you 100 percent. Unless he's a drug dealer then I can see why he would have a problem with it.
2007-05-24 03:18:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why would it end your marriage? I think you need to sit down and address your husbands fears and find out what is really going on.
2007-05-24 03:12:42 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not fair but if its what you want then do it. He doesn't have to love your career just you!
2007-05-24 04:29:22 · answer #10 · answered by FuriousRain007 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋