Am I imagining things?

Question

My husband is a computer whizz and designs websites and stuff. I went onto my computer history and found a dating site. Please tell me what you think?! I confronted him and he said he needs to try and figure out how people log in to that website so he can add that feature to his websites. He says that when people log on the computer uses a code or something and he needs the format?!?! Is he lying to me? What do you think? I really really trust him, but obviously a persons thought drift.

Answer 1

My husband checks out those sites and he thinks I don't know. Men just can't stop looking. I trust my husband so I don't say anything. I also don't want to confront the issue because my marriage works for me, so why mess it up. They are all going to look at things we don't want them to, we can't stop it. Don't accuse him of anything, but let him know how it makes you feel. If he cares about you, it should bother him that he has made you feel bad.

Answer 2

Sounds lame doesn't it? Oh dear I think he is feeding you rubbish why a dating site is he doing work particularly for a dating service? what features is he talking about. If I were you ask him again to explain and show him exactly what features and why specifically a dating site. I bet he gets defensive or angry. In which case you have a problem - sorry but you might as well have your eyes wide open. Being deceived is no joke. See what his reaction is- don't be fobbed off- you have a right to know the truth. How would he feel if it was him? I think its time for a long hard look at the marriage - the both of you and a long over due discussion about the state of the relationship. Some honest and open discussion needs to take place however painful. It may be the case your husband has done nothing but logged onto this site because he is bored. In which case a look at what both of your needs are needs to be explored and an evaluation of how this can be achieved. If he refuses to discuss this or accept theres any problem - marriage guidance and a few ultimatums may be needed. You deserve honestly - its the least any decent human being should expect from their partner. Good Luck sending you kind thoughts.

Answer 3

You know I don't know a thing about computers but I would think your husband could get this information some place else.

Your choice is to ignore the obvious or to simply ask him again about it. I would say this, "honey, I was thinking about what you told me the other day about the dating service, and I'm sorry, it just doesn't make sense to me. Could you explain why you would do it this way instead of using a technical site or a manual? You know I don't know anything about computers and its not making logical sense to me." Then accept his answer and don't bring it back up. He will have gotten the message.

I would also suggest you examine your relationship with him and see where you can improve it. Married people, especially those with busy families and jobs tend to forget that the primary reason they are together is because they like each other. This might be what he says or it may be the proverbial cry for help. Good luck.

Answer 4

This is true. Sometimes you do need to look at the code of a webpage to understand how it functions. All websites use some sort of code in order to function the way that they want it to function. Makes sense if this is what he does for a living or as a hobby. If he has never gave you any indication that he would do something like this for purposes other then what he has told you then I think you should not give it another thought. However, if he has given you reason to doubt then you may want to sit down and have a non emotional, logical and rational conversation with him so that he can put your mind at ease. If he gets mad then red flags should go up. If he doesn't get mad then he is probably telling the truth. Not a full proof methodology but if gives you some sense of understanding.

Answer 5

Its hard not to let your thoughts drift...if this is what he does for a living, and you say you trust him, then so be it...he's just doinghis job. NOW, if he's given you reason to question him, I would worry...Sometimes when we let our mind wander, we find that there is something missing in our own lives that make us question just about everything and everyone that affects our happiness. There must be a reason you question him at this point. (In truth, if I were in your shoes, I would've questioned as well...)...Questioning is okay, but doubting is not. Since he's explained his being on the site, then leave it alone. If it still bugs you after some time has passed, ask him how it's going with that crazy dating website that he seemed to be having trouble logging into...see where that takes you...

good luck, and I'm sure its fine...have a great day

Answer 6

If he has always been honest with you then you shouldnt believe he is lying but i would also ask him why he chose a dating site because there are so many other sites out there that he could have used that are non dating sites to figure the stuff out. You need to listen to your heart on this one and find out if there is any reason that he may be unhappy in your marriage. Spend more time with him so he is on the computer less and make sure he knows how much yuo love him.

Answer 7

I can tell you this... as I know of a lady who does make her living off the computer. She and her daughter have designed websites to sell various products they make and also a store coupon website where they give information on how to maximize one's story buying potential. I was fascinated enough by her internet business savvy one day and thus quizzed her in detail about it. She told me something related to what you said that your husband told you. However, whether or not your husband has an actual verifiable business requirement for that Dating link, I don't know??? In the case of my lady friend.... she references all contacts she gets her materials/supplies from in her internet websites for her products...and... if a person visits her website and then goes to a linked website that she had listed and then purchases an item from that site, the computer sales at that other website where that person went from her site (you still with me with this intricate explanation? Hope so)...anyway, that other website has a way of determining that the customer learned of the product from my lady friend's website and then went to that other site and purchased that product. And... my lady friend obtains somewhat like a finder's fee/portion of the item's sale for that type of "recommendation." So, such "cookies" and "links" may be how the internet works as per sales.

Answer 8

You know your husband much better than anyone else. I believe you have already found him guilty, but want confirmation. If you really trusted him, you wouldn't have been checking his computer history...you wouldn't be wondering about the possibility that he is lying...you wouldn't be asking this question. Actually, you or your husband are the only people that can answer this question.

Answer 9

I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet. If weird things start happening or something like that, then I'd be more cautious and possibly confront him .You should also post this question on a computer category on here that way other computer programmers can answer this question honestly; you know?

Answer 10

If he isnt doing anything else suspicious, then thats likely the truth. Were you looking in history because you thought he was up to something? If he starts doing things outside of the computer then I would start worrying, but it could be just what he said it was.