help with the hubby?

Question

just a quick question. despite my best efforts I am having trouble convincing my hubby that he's being very difficult. I try to quietly suggest that he seems depressed and finds no joy in anything. he rejects me and our kids when we want to spend time with him or show him affection. he comes home and plops down infront of tv or computer, even eats in front of it. i know he has had a hard day, but so have we and we still want to do something with him. we are thinking about having our third child (it would be his first) and if he is acting like this now why would I bring a third child into the mix. any suggestions would be helpful.

bi-polar runs in his family, he is in denial. tried counselling very early on. we separated before (hellishly long story) and he came back over 2 years ago. He does want a baby, when he left he got someone else pregnant, she miscarried and sent him packing. he constantly says "I didn't mean to", he is just saying it too often if you know what I mean. Should I treat him as he is treating us would that make a difference?

we have been together 5 years, got engaged and separated after 2.5 when he had and affair and left us for her. she became pregnant, miscarried and kicked him to the curb. he came back to us and we married several months later. he does want a child of his own and bi-polar runs in his family. i hope this gives more insight. thanks for the advice. does treating him the way he treats us, do you think that would help

we have been together 5 years, he's 37 and I do (honestly) try to give him all he needs with getting very little in return. i do love him that is why i haven't given up on him yet, but getting closer every day.

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you. Dealing with mental illness is not easy. I would suggest to you that you make an appointment with your doctor and discuss what you could possibly do to get him to seek medical attention. You could even discuss how you are dealing with it. It takes a really strong person to be married to someone with bi-polar. I was not strong enough at the time and ended up leaving my husband. He did seek medical attention but would not take his medication consistently and it was affecting my children. Please try talking to a doctor before you make any decisions regarding the future of your relationship and more children.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, what "they" say is true... you can't help someone unless they want to be helped. But you are his wife, which gives you an advantage in that hopefully he trusts you and feels more comfortable around you than anyone else. I would be as supportive and caring and non-confrontational as you possibly can, avoid making any accusations, and just mention that you are concerned about him and ask if he would like to talk about it. That's the most you can do right now... from my perspective, he does sound depressed but you can't force someone into counseling, so you can at least start at home (many people feel more comfortable discussing what's bothering them with a spouse/family member or close friend than they do with an outsider anyway). I can tell you truly care about him by your obvious concern and advice-seeking. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

First do not I say again do not have a child. If this bothers you this much make him understand that if he wants a family he needs to start acting like a family man if not he can move out and be a single man again. Tell him that its either spend time with ya or spend time by himself but you are not going to be there anymore. and if he dosnt believe you show him a small peice,,, leave with the kids for a couple of days. go to your moms or with a friend. Show him what being alone really means and if he didnt miss you make it perminant. Just dont be afraid to take your first steps into happieness

Answer 4

How long have you been married to him? Was he always like this? If he is depressed he needs to seek a doctor about that. It worries me that he is not responsive to you and the kids. I definitely would think twice before having another child. I would try to schedule a time to talk to him alone and let him know how serious this situation has become. Spending time with your family is very important. Hopefully he will realize how much he is missing out as well. Good Luck!

Answer 5

i can say that i have no experience with this issue because i'm not married, but my BF of over 1 year often blows me off to do things with the guys more often than he spends time with me. i know we're still young, but it still bothers me. ihe hardly talks to me much anymore and says he's trying to protect me from his problems... the only thing i do is show him how much i truely love him and tell him every single day that i wouldn't choose anything else in the world over being with him.... if you love your husband like this, and he loves you even though he doesn't show it very well.... you have to ask yourself if it is all worth it in the end. As for having a 3rd child, if this is the 1st one that is his, then perhaps he's scared and doesn't know how to tell you, raising somebody elses kids may be completely differnt than bringing your own into the world... but i can't really say much more because i don't know all the facts.
Remember to make things matter with him if you love him and it all will be ok. take some time with just you and him, spice things up abit and find a sure fire way to take his attention off of the computer and tv. go outside of your personal bubbles and outreach you comfort zones...in the end it will all be wirth it.

Answer 6

Be compassionate, how old is he ? 20's ? he is too young to do that, 30's he has career pressures, 40's he is realizing he is not young anymore, younger guys are at his heels. You need to go to a ball game together, bowling, a good concert, car/boat/motorcycle show. He sounds depressed, you do NOT need to tell him that. Be a encourager to him, the children need to be a encouragement to him also. See if he will play with your children, throw a ball, ride a bike, go fishing, I am a guy,(46), I have experienced some of this, & I know how I wished my family would have treated me thru my tough times. Fussing at him makes it worse, be encouraging to him in a kind sexy way.

Answer 7

You are right on to NOT bring another child into the mix. My suggestion is to "stop beating a dead horse". He sounds depressed or just disinterested in the relationship. If he wont get help for the first, you have to look out for your kids and get him out of there. He is not their bio dad and sounds like a shakey step one. They dont need that. He has checked out ( by reason of depression or disinterest ) and its time for him to leave. Let him go, take care of your kids. be happy.

Answer 8

A constant open two way communication is what i find to be the healthyness of a relationship. I wouldnt say to back of, but maybe try a different approach. Instead of direct contact or tryin to show affection..try to talk it out and see what is bugging him so much..talking is the number one factor in communication with your spouse..so use it..even if it takes time..it is well worth it

Answer 9

Don't quietly do anything. Let him know exactly how you feel. Tell him how much you love him and that he needs to get help. My wife just left me because of things she didn't like about me and in her words, gave me hints that she was unhappy. We are men we don't do hints. We need to be told how you feel. I lost my wife of 16 years because I didn't know how unhappy she really was. You sound like a loving wife and I pray that this works out for you. Find out everything you can about depression so you know what you are talking about when you tell him he needs help.
Good luck and Best wishes to you and your family.
I will pray for you.

Answer 10

You're having communication problems. Don't have any more kids until you see a marriage councillor and solve this. You can't go on living together if it's always like this. He must have something on his mind that he's not telling you. It sounds like you don't talk to each other but you have to try to get him to talk to you about it. Good luck