My husband told me we'd be relocating, I don't want to?

Question

Hi.
I've been living in Thailand for about 3 years. My husband moved for a job here. I was upset at first, but worked really hard to learn the language, make friends and feel at home.
Now he wants to move back to the US.
He is the one that earns money, so of course, we'll go. But I'm very upset. Is it ok to talk to him about it, or is that just ungreatful whining?
Thanks!

Thanks everybody so far.
He didn't lose his job, just wants to change to be closer to his family. We're 31 without kids.

Answer 1

I'm sorry you're being uprooted. Think of it this way: you had the opportunity to experience a different culture, make new friends, etc. Now its time to go home.

He's your husband for life, and his career and family are important. It is his job to provide for his family. Your job is to support him in the decisions he makes so that he CAN provide for you.

Tell him you're sad you're moving and wish you could stay, but you love him and support his decision 100%. Then follow through with it, no guilt trips.

Answer 2

A marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Sure, he's the one who earns the money, but who's the one who does the cleaning and cooking and who will be doing most of the packing? I'm betting it's you. Sit down with your husband and explain to him that since this decision will be affecting both of you equally, you should both have equal say in where you live. If he still doesn't realize this after all these years of marriage, perhaps some counseling would be a good idea?

Answer 3

You are his wife, not his child or his chattel. He has to discuss things with you as his partner, equal and an educated adult - doesn't he? If you moved there and learned to deal with it, then you can move back and learn to deal with it - because ultimately, if he has to move for work, and you knew that going into the marriage, then that's what you must do. But the verbiage needs to change. He can not "tell you" he should discuss it with you. And what do you mean by asking if it's "alright" to talk to him about it? Girl you better grow up a bit. He's your husband and if you can't talk to HIM who can you talk to? You need to find some independence of your own because you seem very emotionally and financially dependent on your husband. That's not good. Yes, be his wife, but you still have to be your own person. If he leaves you, then what? You'd be left high and dry struggling to take care of yourself. Good luck.

Answer 4

No, it's absolutely reasonable to talk to him about it. Any marriage must have an open line of communication to be successful, which includes concerns regarding your living situation. Even though your husband may make the money, you and your husband certainly agreed on the arangement, so I would hope that he doesn't hold that over your head or consider your concerns less because of it.

Answer 5

what do you mean ungratful whining? A move is an important them in someones life. As a couple you should of couse talk about it and make the decision as a couple.

Answer 6

You should be able to talk to your husband, about how you feel, no matter how ungreatful it might seem. Maybe just by getting it out and talking about it, you will feel better, and who knows, you might even get a chance to go back someday.

Answer 7

You can talk to him about it to make yourself feel better. But unless you plan on making the money and supporting the family to stay in Thailand I think it would ultimately be up to him.

Answer 8

You should be free to discuss your concerns with him. He is you life partner. It is not ungrateful whining if you are just discussing your feelings.

Answer 9

Its definitely OK to talk to him, try to find out his long term goals so you can try to adjust for the future

Answer 10

This is something that you should decide together. It is a life changing move and should be made together.