My daughter failed her Math Class?

Question

My daughter is 15 and in 10th grade. She lived with her Dad in another state. He moved due to job reasons and left her in his mother's care.

He has been leaving me nasty, threatening voicemails. He is frustrated because things are not working out for him on his job and he is not able to move on or let me move on himself.

He now has left me three messages. One of them said that "Your daughter has failed her Math class. You are a proud mother."

I don't know what to do. I gave him sole physical and legal custody during the divorce.

Now, he wants me to bail him out when he has problems with the child. I am willing to have the child come and live with me. I live in another state.

He wants me to come and live in his house until she finishes high school. I do not want to.

I have failed in my role as a mother. Its such a bad situation and my ex is making it worse.

Answer 1

Don't listen to his load of crap. HE failed as a father and wants to put a guilt trip on you. He can't handle anything without you. Maybe he should have thought of that before he left.
Don't give in to that load of crap. Your daughter can come to stay with you. He seems to want to control everything and life isn't that way. He needs to grow up.

Answer 2

Well first of all why did you give up custody and second why do you feel that you have failed?

If it is because she failed math hell not all children are genius's they are bound to have a subject that needs a little extra push

Now here are a few scenarios and what you should do if any of them apply

1 if you gave up custody because you where physically and financially unable to care for your daughter then if you are still in that boat she needs to stay put at grandmas house and dad needs to either hire a tutor or get her put in a math program

2 if you gave up custody because you couldn't handle a teenage girl shame on you and you need to get in there and give you daughter some mothering that she needs and still get her help with her math classes

3 you gave up custody because your daughter chose to go live with dad then well you need to ask her if until her dad can come back to their house if she wants to live with you for a while and if so let her move in do some bonding and get her so math help

as far as your ex go tell him it is over and he doesn't have a say over what you do however your daughter is still your concern custody or not she is your daughter

hope this helps and maybe one of the scenarios fits with out me assuming any one of them is correct is the only way to make it a non biased advice

TO all of you assuming that either she left or he left - she didn't say who left or why they got divorced so back off that subject the question was what to do about her daughter and the fact that the ex husband automatically turned and says it is her fault that the kid failed math

NO Where in here does she say why custody was given up or what the circumstances to her decision of the custody being given up where stop assuming it is her fault just because she gave up custody

Answer 3

First off you've not failed as a mother, when you all divorced you made what you thought was the best decision. Your daughter may be having problems in math but is afraid to ask for help because she's afraid she'll get teased by her peers or even her teacher. Also, she may not have all that great of a teacher. From my personal experience, the teacher you have makes a big difference in how well you do. What your ex husband also needs to realize is she's 15 and she may not have her priorities set straight. What he needs to do is sit down with her and talk about how important her education is.

Answer 4

You did not mention why you gave up custody. If it was to avoid a custody battle it may be time to reconsider. Your ex is not concerned with the childs well being right now. And he is not trying to get you to bail him out. He is using your daughter to bait you into going back to with him. It is plain to see. You have not failed in motherhood if you were trying to keep your daughter from the ugly battles that go along with divorce. Although if you fail to protect her when you know that she could be endangered by him, that fail you have. Talk to his mother, explain the situation, without laying blame or demeaning her son, if you can help it. If she only wants whats good for her grand daughter, and was not the possible reason for her sons issues, than it may be best if your daughter stays with her grandmother for awhile.

Answer 5

Bail him out? Are you crazy-this is not bailing him out this is about your child. Do you think because you left and gave him sole custody that you hands are washed of any responsibility. Why would you not want to be involved and help her be successful. I don't agree that he should leave you nasty emails, but it sounds like he is frustrated trying to raise a child by himself. I think there needs to be some major growing up of both parents. One, just because you left and gave him custody does not mean you are done as a parent and 2 if you relocate you bring you child not leave them for someone else to raise. children are resilient and can adjust to the change. They may not like it at first, but they will eventually accept it and will adjust well.

You only fail as a mother when you give up. Is this what you have done?

Answer 6

When I went from junior high school to high school, I was tested and out of something like 600 questions only missed 4. So I was place in intermediate algebra. To say nothing of the fact that the four problems I missed were all math, I was frightened out of my mind. It was like the algebra teacher was speaking a different language. The schools do their best but they need our input. I was in a foster home and really had no one to stand up for me. Simply tell the school that you appreciate their efforts but you would like to work with them in better planning her schedule. Tell them you want her to master multiplication and division first. What can they say? She is your child and no one knows her like you do nor does anyone have a greater vested interest in her than you do. Don't be afraid to ask them to change things for her. Once she has confidence in lower math, she'll do great! I daresay she'll even master algebra, at a latter date. My son missed half of his 1st grade year but I thought it would be to embarrassing to go back into 1st grade the next year so I talked to the principal, Tena Petix (who totally rock by the way) and she was very understanding and let him try 2nd grade and he did fine.

Answer 7

By your daughter failing her math class, is that what your basing your motherhood on? No way. I don't know what you did in the past, but you can't base being a bad mother on her math grade. You know what I call a failed mother? Someone who pays their drug dealer by "loaning" your daughter to them. Have you done anything like that? I don't know you, but I highly doubt it. Your ex is making you feel horrible and it seems to be working. My question to you is, why do you let him talk to you that way and why do you let him get to you? Ignore your ex for the moment and think about your daughter. magine what she's going through. You know how your ex is, how do you think he treats your daughter? Even if he's horrible to her, he's probably all she feels like she has, so how do you think she feels with him just up and leaving? Talk to her and see how she's doing and she if she'd like to make some changes to her living arrangments. For starters though, recognize that "the child" as you called her above, is actually your daughter. By calling her "the child", that says so much without you even knowing it.

Answer 8

Instead of getting into a war with your ex consider the 15 year old who is struggling in school. She should be your number 1 priority right now. (Should have been all along) The two of you need to get her the help she needs NOW.

Answer 9

My guess is that you gave him custody of her because you couldn't handle her, but even if that's not the case, it's time for you to see your lawyer and get custody of her.

Your ex sounds controlling and negative and like he's not paying attention to his daughter so much as his phone to call you.

Don't go to his house and live there. Please see your lawyer.

Answer 10

u should leave message back and say as her parent im not proud that she failed math. but as her parent that has custody of her you must feel as a failure. and you both need to open your eyes and be parents. geez shes a child and you 2 want to make her life hell. your only a child for so long. stop robbing her of her childhood and be adults.. sorry it sounds cold but someone has to be an honest adult to you