CAN YOU CHECK MY ESSAY IF U HAVE GOOD ENGLISH SKILLS?please?

Question

CAN YOU CHECK MY ESSAY IF U HAVE GOOD ENGLISH SKILLS?please?

A sense of personal identity, of individuality, is something that every person needs in order to survive and thrive in modern society. If a person does not create their own identity, there is little chance that it will have any staying power. “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” is a story of a person who was trying to balance his personal identity with the challenges brought on by his family's many problems. He was acting as caretaker for his entire family. His life was divided between the family’s internal struggles and their many financial troubles. Living in a small town, he was facing many conflicts due to his mother's obesity, the mental handicap of his brother, Arnie, and the financial hardships of his family.
“Somedays you want him to live, somedays you don’t." Gilbert's love for Arnie was real until his own personal identity started to haunt him. Arnie was the biggest responsibility for Gilbert because of his disability. There is an ever-present fear in Gilbert, because Arnie has a habit of climbing up the water tower. According to the doctor, Arnie does not have much time to live. He can leave this world at anytime. If a person has a strong fear of losing something, than the thought of losing it always in their mind. This is why Gilbert either wants him to stay or die. Gilbert’s love for Arnie is not invisible but it can be hidden when Gilbert thinks about his own identity. Even though there is no big difference in age but Gilbert was becoming more like a father to Arnie than a brother. He wants to play with his brother and talk to him as a brother, but he always has to show that he is his caretaker.
Bonnie, their mother, was always an embarrassment to her son. Gilbert loves his mom and always wanted to be a good son. Nevertheless, he was never able to be a son because he always had to act like a father to his mom, taking care of her like a child. There was love towards Bonnie, but also shame, and a fear of how society views them. He is afraid that people view her as an irresponsible person who never left her couche for seven years and was a burden to her family. In order to hide his fear he began showing anger toward his mother and making fun of her. For instance, when Bob asked him, "How’s the mom?", he replied, "She is fat, an obese whale."
Endora a lifeless town was “dancing to no music” for Gilbert. If a person does not like the surroundings in which they live, it is difficult to feel at home there. Endora was a small town where keeping secrets was as fruitless as telling a math teacher to write an essay about Shakespeare. Immature townspeople and their senseless reactions to his mother's size and his brother's disability were causing many problems in Gilbert's life. For instance, when his mother came out of the police station everybody was looking at her as if she were not of this earth. Because the town was so small, there was little opportunity to earn enough money even to provide for one's family. After his father's death, the weight was all on Gilbert's shoulders. He was the only one in the house able to work and earn a living. At an age where a young man wants only to enjoy his life and create his own identity, he was busy doing everything for his family. His dream of making his personal identity was crushed between his family responsibilities and a lifeless town.
Gilbert's life was revolving around his family, leaving him without his own identity. His personal identity was lost among his love ones. As a caretaker he was struggling with society because of his mom’s obesity, emotionally because of his brother, and physical because he had to work so much, with so little gain in the small town of Endora.

Answer 1

We have some problems here, my dear. You have used their and they when you should have used his and he. "If a person does not create his own identity..."
Lose the comma between Gilbert and because in the 4th sentence in the second paragraph.
Also in the second paragraph, "strong fear of losing something, THEN..."
And you switched from past to present tense in the same paragraph.
Put a period, not a comma after replied.
Put commas before and after "a lifeless town".
Couch is misspelled.
Last sentence, lose the comma between much and with.
Other than that, it looks okay.

To Me: If you're a teacher, why did you miss all the grammatical errors and the misspelled word?

Answer 2

You have a lot of passive voice in here, which makes the writing weaker. For example, in the first paragraph try changing:
was trying--tried
was acting--acted
was facing--faced
A good way to look at it is any time you have something that happened in the past, instead of saying was________, just conjugate the verb to fit the tense.

Try not to begin a sentence with because.

Good job, though! Good content.

Answer 3

indent your paragraphs, comma after Endora (just before; a lifeless town.

Answer 4

yes

Answer 5

good one