(i'm 25 right now and he's 26. I love him and he says that he loves me too. When asked about whether he would get married to me, he is like it scares him to think about it. He says that he loves the way things are and can be with me for the rest of my life. He thinks about marriage and feels it is ok, but when he seriously thinks about it, he can't commit. He asked me for time and that he's not sure if he will ever change his mind about marriage. He also promised me that if he were to marry, it would be me. I have a feeling that he is worried about having children, as he feels that they take too much out of life. Should i wait for him hoping that he would one day commit or should i move on?
Additional Details
4 minutes ago
Just to update with questions that some of you have asked-
No we don't live together as he lives 80km away, but the weekends are always spent 24/7 together.
He did mention to me the other day, that he's not sure, but maybe if he was more settled in his career, then he may feel that he is ready to committ.
At the bottom of my heart, i do feel that he thinks i'm pressuring him, but its just that my culture/religion expects me to be married before i'm 30.
2007-05-23 18:56:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To add a comment: its not so that its my religion that requires me to marry before i'm 30, but its the culture. If you are 30 and unmarried, it is not a nice age to be at, as most people will start to put you aside.
2007-05-23 19:15:07 · update #1
If you are sleeping with him, and spending 24/7 on weekends, he gets to be sort of "married" on weekends, and single the rest of the week. What guy in his right mind wouldn't want that set-up? If this is really "the one" for you. The only way to become married is to split up - and tell him when he is ready to make a proper woman of you, to look you up. A man at 26 - no matter what the religion or culture, is really more boy than man. Sadly, this age male might not be "ready" for marriage for some time. If you are really interested in getting married, do not have sex until you are engaged. Otherwise, there is really no motivation for them to fully commit to you. Hope this helps. Good Luck.
2007-05-23 19:02:02 · answer #1 · answered by lalo m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has his cake and is eating it too!
Sweetie, you are giving him every man's dream. He gets the sex without commitment then gets to go home and not support you either physically nor emotionally.
As for being 30 and not married, hm. Both my husband and I were 30 when we got married. I was married the first time at 21. Not a good thing there. At 30, a great thing here!
You state you're religious. Religious and living with a man you're not married to on the weekends. Isn't this an oxymoron?
How long are you willing to wait to see if he changes his mind about marriage? When a guy says things like "if I ever marry, it will be you", it's just a line they say to keep you on the hook. To be perfectly honest, I will tell you what I told my own daughter. Leave him. She did too and within a few months, he proposed, they were married in January and now they are finally expecting their first child!
You need to take a stance. What will it be? It's your choice and no one elses.
God bless
2007-05-23 20:01:49 · answer #2 · answered by califdreamer_2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you will give him another year to think about it, but that if he still does not feel that he can commit to you, you will have to move on. You will need at least that amount of time to meet and fall in love with someone else.
Explain that you love him, but your religion requires that you marry before age 30, and that you would like to have children without the complications of pregnancy too late in life.
Be up front with him. He may not understand, as I do not understand why a religion would require this. If he loves you, however, he will respect your religion, and the traditions of your family.
2007-05-23 19:07:05 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not unreasonable to expect to be married by 30, however, it sounds like you don't have a person who is on the same level as you...sounds like if it's not going to be one thing, marriage its going to be another, children , that he will have issues with....you need to hope for the best but prepare for the worse case scenario.
2007-05-23 19:01:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are on here asking if you should move on, you have answered it yourself.
you have doubt.
I wouldn't want to commit until he was closer and you were spending more than weekends together.
Weekends are stress free...no work, no deadlines, and no worries.....a relationship shares all of those.
do some soul searching
best wishes
2007-05-23 19:20:57 · answer #5 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are giving him sex every week end I can see how he likes the way things are right now and would be satisfied with continuing to the end of time. You are giving him all he wants.
2007-05-23 19:00:20 · answer #6 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he indeed needs to more settled in his career
but why marry?
he can get everything without being married
why be in a legal binding contract with a women?
he know the divorce rate is about 50%
hence his pensiveness
2007-05-23 19:05:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You both need a lot more time, since it's just a weekend thing - that's not enough...
2007-05-24 00:54:58 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi MV,
I am married with two Children. I understand your feeling and wants. but before I got married I was kind of concern about my fututre . Questions came to my mind like where would I be in the future and who would be my husband.I was unsure about my future but I planned to get married in the age of 24. However God has a different plan in his mind for me.
When I was 18 Years old, there were several guys that wanted me to be their girl friend but non of them had the same relegion that I have and I believe that I should marry a man with same faith with me so there is unity and peace in our home. So I gave my future to the Lord I said to him in prayer that Lord who ever you will give to me I'll accept and whom ever you will give me too, it is okey. All I wanted was to do God's will because he knew who's best for me.Then I felt confident that God would guide me to meet my future husband.
I believe that before I was born he already has a plan for me. So I just trusted Him to guide my path that His plan for me will be fullfilled.
I understand about the expectation of your religion because my relegion also expected me not to have sex before marriage and with God's help I fullfiled what was expected. But in your case , it is defferent because it is not in your control. If your boyfriend is not ready yet, may be this in not the best time for you to get married . God knows the perffect timing for you. I believe that God will work in your boyfriends heart and put the desire to marry you when it is time for you to be married.
I felt very blessed to have a God that I can trust to guide my path. I am very blessed that God guieded me to trust in him in giving me a husband and guided me when to get married.
It was amazing how God Guided both of us to be in the same place at the same time. I am from the Philippines and my husband is from the US. We have the same age and it is just perfect.He is God's given gift.The Story behind was wonderful.
The Bible says in Provebs 3: 5and 6 " Trust in the Lord will all your heart and lean not to thy own understanding .In all your ways acknowkedge Him and He shall direct thy path.
Please, just let God direct your path because this is not about the time that you are expected to be married but it is about the time when God wants you to be married.
God cares about you and loves you so much that he wants you to be married in the time that is best for you. If you just let him drive your life He will bring you to the place where you want to go on time, not late not early just on the perfect time. So be patients and Happy and most of all take God's way.
Take care and I'll pray for you.
Sincerely ,
Arcel
2007-05-23 20:08:19 · answer #9 · answered by arcelielopes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋