I have gay family members- an aunt and uncle and love them dearly. Their sexual preferance has never been an issue in our family and everyone is accepting and open. However I said the other day that I would PREFER my children were not gay, and was called a homophobic by my sisters. I really dont know if that is considered homophobic?? I will love my children all the same if they are gay. But I would PREFER they were not. My reason for this is that I think it would be easier for them to live without discrimination and I think It would be "more comfortable" for me to see them in a hetrosexual relationship. What is your opinion? No haters please!! I am simply trying to figure out why I do think like this when I was not bought up to think this way at all...
2007-05-23 16:36:41 · 25 answers · asked by animalluvr 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I think it's perfectly reasonable as a parent to want the smallest amount of struggle/adversity for your children. Naturally, being gay is going to cause these things so any parent would want their child to be straight, it's just easier. I think it's a little uncool of you to say it would be "more comfortable" for you to see them in a heterosexual relationship. I don't think that's a homophobic statement at all, but kind of a selfish one. I would think your motive would be their happiness and comfort, not yours. Anyway, no, not homophobic.
2007-05-23 19:23:04 · answer #1 · answered by T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm homophobic, most people believe its because i served in the armed services, U.K. where even now its not the place to come out of the closet. However, that's not the reason we'll just say its in my past.
I've thought along the same lines I've two children and if one comes home and says he's gay what am i going to do. Not a lot i suppose, they're well aware of my leanings, and your right to hope that your children are heterosexual, because they are likely to meet people like me or people far worse than me, I've been known to do some nasty things in my time, I'm not the same person i was and I've probably mellowed in some ways, but believe me your no way near homophobic and your beliefs are in the interest of your children don't let anyone sway you away from that path. Your sisters are wrong and deep down I bet they hope for the same thing for there own children, but will just argue the case in fear of being out of step with your family.
Its not a case of how you were bought up its a case of society's exceptability, your family is only part of your up bringing peer pressure plays a good part in molding your beliefs, personel events etc. No matter how your bought up in the world the normal will always be the normal and will play a great roll in our makeup.
The real people to ask about this is your Aunt and Uncle, see if there views differ to yours, I doubt it they may not have the same baggage but they'll wish for the best for any child. And i'll bet you a pound to a penny they'll laugh at your thinking just because your sisters have said your homophobic that you are.
That was tough without a rant.
.
2007-05-23 17:08:45 · answer #2 · answered by andyjh_uk 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No, you're not homophobic. But it wouldn't be right to tell them that they should be straight. Nature makes some of us gay and some of us straight but some people's brains are having trouble understanding a simple thing like this. When a child feels he/she is homosexual, that's not going to change and you'll only make them feel depressed, and alienated if you force-feed a belief that "it's wrong or worse being gay." Wanting loved ones to live as you prefer is not a good reason for trying to manipulate children in directions you want them to go because "it would be more comfortable" for YOU to see them in heterosexual relationships. Can you see hear how that actually sounds?? Your attitude shows that you are more concerned with your own comfort levels, and not about what they want. It's not right to say that straight people have it easy. And what matters is a person's happiness - even if it's not what you would have chosen for them. THAT is part of being a selfless, loving parent. Don't try protecting them from the big bad world so much that you push your own kids away. Let them be proud of who they are and teach them to stand tall and not give in to fear and ignorance.
2007-05-23 17:59:21 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well it doesn't really sound like homophobia per se, unless you're bent on making your kids heterosexuals by any means. But you say you'd accept them all the same, you'd just prefer them not to be, so that they'd not have to worry about the hardships that come with it.
That actually sounds like it's good parenting, you're looking out for the kid.
Most parents that have a problem I think have a problem because they see their child growing dynamically apart from them, you don't sound worried about that, but about their quality of life.
So if your true reason is because you want the best for your kids, then it's not a bad thing.
But also, keep in mind that being gay isn't that big of an issue anymore.
2007-05-24 02:29:27 · answer #4 · answered by Luis 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are not being homophobic. obvioulsy you accpet the homosexual people in your life as they are and this is fine. lots of people have no problem with homosexuality but do not wish it for their children. first of all, they want life to be easy for their children. being gay is not easy, it is hard to be accepted, and you do not have the same rights. you most likley just don't want your children to have to experience hardship because you love them and can not bear to see anybody hate them when they do not know them. jsut realize they are their own person, and weather they are gay or not is alredy determined. what causes one ot be gay is a certain amount of chemicals and hormones in their body. it is not something that can be made or changed.
2007-05-23 17:44:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I share the same thought with you. I would love my kids no matter what. Unlike some parents who disown their child, something I would never do! But if I had a choice I would whether have a gay daughter. The prejudice against gays from ministers or preachers is unbelievable. The most people who should love thy neighbor are them. Your not homophobic!
God Bless
2007-05-23 16:57:36 · answer #6 · answered by tony 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If it were my kid, I would care less if they were gay or straight. It's their life. Who says heterosexual relationships and being straight are any easier...you just have different issues. I would be happy if my own child were gay or straight, it's best to love the child no matter who they are and it's probably more confidence inducing for a child's ego to have a parent to love them no matter what
2007-05-23 16:50:15 · answer #7 · answered by boxjellÿ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think you were being homophobic. None of our parents would have chosen for us to be gay. It was a much tougher road of life to be gay...especially 50+ years ago. Thank goodness I had great parents...but no, they wouldn't have chosen that for me. I think the point that your family and maybe you are not seeing ---is that you would rather that your children weren't gay for their sake...not for your own sake.
2007-05-23 16:44:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
its not homophobic. It is just not a great understanding on your part. Your kids should be free to be themselves. If you have that attitude, you still have some stigma and homophobia in you.
It would be easier to be straight. But, that doesn't change anything. Your going to be gay if your gay.
Its harder for people who deal with prejudice and it is only harder if you allow it to control you. ie peoples prejudice
2007-05-23 23:45:17 · answer #9 · answered by jannah b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, your not homophobic if you don't wish for your children to be gay.
Your a human.
For anyone to say that is ignorant.
I would rather my children be straight. But I would love and care for them either way, obviously. I'm gay.
I would not wish my persecution and seclusion on anyone.
2007-05-23 16:50:45 · answer #10 · answered by Bleed Like Me..... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋