I'm a 30 year old woman, truely in love with a 19 year old man. He is very mature, never talks to other girls, good looking, cares about me, wants to be there for me and my son, and is going places with his life. He acts like he is my age. I have a 9 year old son with my ex of 9 years. My ex and I broke up about a year ago, and I left him because he beat me so many times, and the last time he broke my jaw. He followed me and is now living with me and my brother and our son. He said he has changed, won't ever beat me again, wants to marry me, and wants everything to be ok and that we can work things out. I don't love him, and love my dear boyfriend who loves me so much back, and has proved to me he is there for me and wants to be there for my son too. My son doesn't like him that much, and wants me to go back with my ex - his dad. He doesn't know he beat me. I feel guilty and think I should go back with my ex to make my son happy, I don't want him to suffer. Am I making a good choice?
2007-05-23 16:12:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What child wants to see there parent with some one else? I know people in there 30's who have a problem with there mom/dad dating. I do not think your ex changed over night. What happened to your ex that all of a sudden he is a new man. Forget it, you look good because there is someone else in your life. He will soon go back to his old ways If you have a chance at happiness with this new guy then go for it. Forget the ex as he is your ex for a reason If you go back you will soon remember why you left in the first place. Even if things do not work with you new boyfriend you need to move on and your son at age 9 should not be controlling your life. Remember You are the Parent. Also I do not think you want your son to grow up seeing you being abused. Good Luck
2007-05-23 16:36:49 · answer #1 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you afraid of being alone?
Neither your 19 year old nor your ex are good for you.
You sound like you are willing to take whatever comes along as long as you don't feel lonely- and that is sad because you are teaching your son that all women are weak and they deserve to be beaten...!
What he sees and hears now will affect him and he will repeat the patterns he saw.
Do you want to go back to an abusive ex so he can not only beat you again but also teach your son it's OK to do so???
You need help- Your self-esteem is damaged and you need to work at respecting yourself more. Remember, you can change no one except yourself....And you cannot give what you do not have.
This means that you have to love and respect yourself first- so others can love and respect you, too.
It can be hard at times, but it is definitively worth it....!
2007-05-23 16:34:13 · answer #2 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't listen to a 9 year old about how to pick love. They think all girls have cooties, anyway. Second, kick your ex OUT! Past behaviour is a pretty good indicator of future behaviour, so don't listen to his promises. Advertise for a roommate if money is the issue. Call the police and tell them that your ex-husband is harrassing you by following you, and stay as far away from him as humanly possible from this point on. As for your boyfriend, you may need to stay in the relationship for a while before really committing. He's only 19, which I know you've heard a million times, but you've got almost twice the life experience as he does. That's not to say you two aren't really in love; just be careful not to fall in love with the idea of falling in love. Last, listen to your honest heart, and your own survival instincts will steer you straight.
2007-05-23 16:24:50 · answer #3 · answered by moosesandsnow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how good of an idea it is to be dating a 19 year old, but whatever you do, do NOT go back to the man that beat you.
It's okay to be alone too, you know? I hate to say it, but if your choices in men are a 19 year old and a guy that beats you, then maybe you should take a time out from dating and concentrate on your life and your son.
2007-05-23 16:19:18 · answer #4 · answered by AMD 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
under most conditions i would say put your child's feelings first but in your case i think you are making a good choice. your ex was abusive and chances are has not truly changed and if he hasn't what would stop him from possibly abusing your son too? Your son isn't fond of your boyfriend simply because he is replacing his father these feelings will pass. Do what is best for you and your son- be with your boyfriend, things will probably work out better, even with the age difference [love knows no number ]. Best of Luck
2007-05-23 16:22:07 · answer #5 · answered by ~>Bre<~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man beat you up and even broke your jaws once, how can u go back with him. Did u call a police when he did that? I cannot see any love between u and your ex nor your 19 year old man!
2007-05-23 16:18:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's actually a relief that you break up with your ex that abuses you! Otherwise, you wouldn't know the next thing he does is break your son's jaws(worst scenario)
As for your 19yr old boyfriend, it'd be difficult to tell now wether it's a good/bad choice. Maybe for your son, it is. However, whatever choices made, ideal situation don't happen overnight, and you might have be patient when dealing with your son's feelings towards your new boyfriend
2007-05-23 16:26:48 · answer #7 · answered by plump_fairy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
going back is not the answer for the sake of your son he just knows mom should be with dad but he is to young to under stand it all if the new guy is good to you and him give it time it will work out see if the new guy can become his friend and learn to trust him then things will be easyer
2007-05-23 17:36:01 · answer #8 · answered by bigdadof7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in order for you to make ur child happy you have to be happy and if the younger man does that for you than you should stay with him never go back to anyone that puts there hands on you thats not healthy for you or ur child. even if ur child doesnt know he put his hands on you. when he gets a little older and sees that you are happier without his father he will understand as long as you always let ur child be a part of his fathers life he will be fine he will understand one day. im a mother also and i always want my kids to be happy but they also want me to be happy and as long as the young one is as good to ur child as he is to you then go for it you only live once so be happy!! Good Luck !!!
2007-05-23 16:22:14 · answer #9 · answered by babey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably should choose your son because you love him a lot more than your lover and your son doesnt liike him
2007-05-23 16:22:22 · answer #10 · answered by hanska73 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋