How much money is too much to spend on friend's birthday present?

Question

Hey there. My parents are pretty wealthy and some of my friends are, er, not. One particular friend hardly gets anything for her birthday. It makes me real sad. My parents will let me spend any amount I want on her present.. But I think it might make her feel uncomfortable if I spend too much and it might make her parents feel bad.

Do you think buying someone a nice present - such as a 35 dollar hair straightener and a new t-shirt - and giving them one hundred dollars is too much? That's what I'm planning..

Keep in mind, there's not a lot of rich people around where I live. Just a few. So it's not everyday you give someone an expensive gift. But she's seriously my best friend and I want her to 1. have a straightener that actually works, 2. have a new t-shirt (freshman wearing 7th grader's clothes. D:), and 3. have some money to spend. But I just don't want to belittle anyone, you know?

Thanks for your help.

Your answers are all really good!

But, I'm really not trying to buy her friendship. She wouldn't think THAT. We've been best friends since 7th grade.

I'm fifteen and I have a job.
Please don't assume that just because my parents have money I sit around eating waffles all the time.

As for not flaunting my money:
That's exactly why I'm asking this question..

Oh! And as for her returning the gift:
I'm not allowed to accept gifts from my friends. :(

Answer 1

I think that the hair straightener and the T-shirt is great, but $100 is kind of a lot. Maybe do $50 instead.

Answer 2

I think your idea to give her a hair straightener and a T-shirt is a great idea but I also think the $100 is a bit overboard. When I was younger my parents didn't have a lot of money and many times my brother and I did without the cool clothes and other luxuries other people had. If I received a large sum of money from a non family member who knew of my family situation, I would have felt like a charity case or that the other person is flaunting their wealth or I'd feel pressure to reciprocate the gift when it came time to give to that person. Your heart is in the right place and I think that you are very generous to your friend. If I were you, I'd cut it back to maybe $50 and possibly give it as a gift certificate to a store. It would look less like a hand out even though that may not be your true intentions.

You are very sweet to think of your friend like that.

Answer 3

One thought I have is to talk over with your parents about your family taking your friend to buy some clothes. Your parents should talk to your friend's parents to make sure it's okay with them as well as your best friend. This would be something she needs and not a birthday present. The clothes should not be frivolous, but necessities. So that would be shopping for her needs. And this could include a new hair straightener.

Then buy something special for her from you for her for her bd. By special I don't mean costly. I mean what are her fav. things and fav. activities. Give her something to do with that. Do not give her something she needs. Give her something that lets her know that you like her and you're not just feeling sorry for her. This could be something frivolous. But do not spend much money. I wouldn't spend more than $15 or $20 unless you yourself are working at a well paying job.

Answer 4

It sounds like too much but it depends on what birthday it is. I always spend more on 21st birthdays but that's special.

If she can not afford to spend the same amount on you she may feel bad because she cant reciprocate with a gift of the same value. Often people feel obligated to give back a gift of equal value (like for your birthday).

Hair straightener OK, and the T-shirt maybe and that's pretty generous but $100 too is getting a bit ridiculous. Don't flaunt your money, nobody appriciates that,

Answer 5

I think you answered your own question. First you need to spend no more than you can afford. Since that is not your case, lets move on. Second, never make anyone uncomfortable. If you are freshmen giving cash may make it seem she has to return that value of a gift when its your birthday, this not only would make her uncomfortable nw, but also later if she cant afford to return the favor. The hair straightner is good and maybe a couple of newer tshirts. I would spend the $100 in another fashion, like take her to a really nice dinner or something that is something the two of you do not do very often.

Answer 6

i would probalby just give the straightener and the t-shirt. the cash is too big for someone your age, and she'll know it just comes from your parents, which will probalby make her feel awkward.

maybe give her the straightener and the tshirt, and offer to take her out to dinner or somewhere she wants to go? that's better than just giving her cash, and it's something you can do together.

i think usually $10-$25 is probably more common among friends. but maybe you can try to find the things you want to give her on sale, so you aren't spending quite as much (even though i know money isn't the issue to YOU, it still might make her feel awkward). or at least tell her you got them on sale ;)

also, if she spends a lot of time at your house and knows your family pretty well, maybe ask your parents if they want to give her a gift of taking her out to dinner or a present you/they know she would like. that way she can get more from your "family" and still feel really special, without having to feel like you overspent.

Answer 7

Go ahead and buy her a small but personal gift. And just buy the straightener and give it to her later like you just don't want it. It shouldn't matter if it was a birthday gift in front of everyone, if it is really from your heart & you just want her to have it. This way she won't have any reason to feel bad & it won't make everyone else feel inadequate. That's really what it's suppose to about right?

Answer 8

if she's not wealthy, and she knows you are, well, she's already feeling uncomfortable there... i'd give her something tasteful, but modest... or ask her, hey, it's your birthday and i'm stuck on what to get you, i want to give you something you'd really love, help me out here... follow your heart, but listen to your head... money doesn't buy friends and more than likely, if you spend all that you are planning, she may feel you are trying to buy her... or another idea, how about giving her all that you are planning, but having everyone sign the card as if it's a group gift... i wouldn't give money, though, but a gift card to her fav store! good luck!

Answer 9

No it's not belittling anyone and if she feels that way then she is selfish. I think what your doing is very nice of you cause i would do the same thing too. your a really good person with a big heart. I would say a fantastic friend.

Answer 10

The hair straightener and t shirt is a good idea. The money is sorta too much. A gift card would be waaaaay better, but not 100 dollars. a 50-70 dollar gift card, hair straightener and tshirt sounds pretty good.