is this emotional abuse?

Question

my bf of 4 yrs(engaged 2) has a short fuse.He has never hit me but has smashed a few things when pissed at me.He likes to yell and sware(i never at him) when fighting with me.He does not call me names but he will say things like "I can't take this f-cking sh-t anymore find someone else" or "go to f-cking hell".Now he does not talk to anyone else like this just me.At the end of yelling with me he will always say to himself loud enough for me to hear"i need to get out of here" meaning move out.Why do i stay? Both my parents have died and i am only child i have no family.I moved out off state to be close to his family so i don't really have any close friends i just know a few people from work.I'm so sad all the time but if i leave him i will be alone and don't know if im just overreacting as i have no one to talk to about this.

Answer 1

Sweet Lady Jen,
No one deserves this nonsense. Leave him when he's not home, leave him a note and go. Don't tell him where you are going, just go.He has made no effort to change and this type of behavior,unless it is changed, usually gets worse and progresses to physical violence. It seems he is taking advantage of the fact that you have no one save him and his family. He doesn't deserve you, but someone somewhee doe deserve you and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, neither of which this piece of work is giving you.

Answer 2

He is very abusive to you. the stage has been set for the rest of your life. He is not going to change when you get married he will just get worse. I Know this type of person. What He is doing is controlling you on several levels and he has succeeded in doing so. He is already in control of your life. He won`t leave you but I have a great idea for you YOU LEAVE HIM so lets start to make a plan for you to leave.. First of all you must try to understand that he already has you programed for low self esteem. I hope you have separate bank accts. if you don`t try and set aside some money each pay check for the move. Make a friend at work and tell them your situation. You need to tell some one you trust what you are going to do. You don`t have to be sad any more. You may be a little lonely for a while when you move until you meet some new people. and you will make new friends. what I have written here is some things for you to think about. What I am saying is you need a plan which includes some money and your self esteem. You have taken the first step by asking your question. The smart people on answers will be a great help to you. I just wanted to get you started in thinking in the right direction. My best to you.

Answer 3

Let's separate the two issues at work here. Your fella has an anger control problem. That is his to own. Until he does he will not take the steps necessary, they are difficult, to prevent his anger from getting out of control. He is not alone in this. Many have the problem, some correct it some don't. From what you say in your post it sounds like you do not have a fear for your own safety. I tend to side with this from his actions. However, you do dwell in an a negative environment. This is not a great place to be. Walking on egg shells to do whatever you can to keep his reaction in check. I mean that is up to you, for me I like peace in my world. Part two of your issue is this feeling of disconnect because you have no parents nor siblings. That is a whole different thing. You stay in an environment that is not necessarily healthy for your natural well being because you are afraid that you will feel totally, I mean totally alone. No one in this great big world will know you. That fear is understandable. The thing to think about is don't you feel alone with somebody anyway. I mean if time for negotiations is coupled with violent outbursts how is there a healthy connection being made in that. Have you thought that perhaps you would rather be alone then be walking on egg shells. Believe it or not you probably will only be alone for a short period before you connect with another human because you no longer have this fog of war that prevents you from making any sort of connection anyway. These are just some of my thoughts after reading your post. The instability you are currently dwelling in is far more scary than being alone for a period of time until such time you get yourself back and venture out in to this world filled with kind and gentle folks. Being alone is not as bad as many like to say it is. I sense you deserve so much better. You only need to be brave and face this reality life has handed you.

Answer 4

You need someone loving and that won't yell at you like this. You don't want to marry a man that is already yelling at you this way. It will end in a divorce. I think you need to move on from him as best you can. Move back to your hometown where people know and love you. Or, make new friends in the new city you are in. Join clubs. There are plenty out there.

Answer 5

OK...tell him how u feel quit being quiet about it ..tell him to treat u right or you are out!!...And if he dont appreicate that sounds to me you can do better..we all have our hard times but remember trouble doesnt last always so if you do leave him you wont be by yourself for long trust me you can make it...and the song that got me by was "I Can Make It Through the Rain" By Mariah Carey...You will make it you dont deserve this the only reason why you stay is because you love him but sometimes love is blind....

Answer 6

Yes,it is emotional abuse.especially where you are concerned. I think you are dependent on him and he knows it. That's why he doesn't treat anyone else like that.They would tell him to f**k off.
You are much better than that. You have to become independent of him even if you move back to the state you lived in. There are many,many men who would love to treat you the way you deserve.

Answer 7

Unfortunately this is not rally emotional abuse but more of him just releasing steam against you. Probably not the best choice of words but nothing more than that. You can always sit down with him and explain to him his outbursts scare you and you dont really like his swearing. If that all hes doing then feel luckier than most on here. Talk to him and tell him if he keeps on threatening to leave you might just take him up on it. Good luck

Answer 8

first yes it is i would be da**** if i let someone disrespect me like that it sounds like he has anger issues and eventually it will get worse ...tell him if he is that unhappy leave and no one is ever alone dont think that way one door may close but another will eventually open trust me when i say its not going to get better sorry to say it but its not and noone needs to be treated the way you are being treated ....do it now before you have kids than it will be alot harder on all of you ......well i wish you luck and take care of you first .....

Answer 9

Tempers that throw things usually end up hitting you right in the face sooner or later get out now!

Answer 10

Get out, gf! Life is too short to be unhappy. Love isn't that way. you will find someone and you will know it's right and you will wonder what you waited for so long. good luck and be strong!