Wife is depressed and it is killing me?

Question

Hi, This is hard for me to talk about but I am desperate. i have been married for 12 years, my wife suffers from clinical depression and has extreme emotional problems. she has been on almost every drug for depression but she is still down and miserable, she sees a Dr. and a conselor but nothing is working, she talks about her misery and despair on a daily basis. I have been the only support she got for years now as most of her family and friends choose not to be around her anymore including her parents. I take care of everything in our life and feel exremelly overwhelmed and tired. I have no hapiness in my life, my love for her now is not romantic but I can not bring myself to leave because of the guilt and the effects it might have on her, i feel as if I am about to leave a baby in the middle of the road and walk away. her issues are consuming me, she constatnly cries and wishes she was dead. I am lost and feel that my life is passing me by. I am 35 and have no kids

Answer 1

Seek some help for yourself also. I know your thinking why me, I'm not the one depressed, but living it daily you need some outlet to vent. It can't be good the way it is now, so talk with her doctor and see what else could help her. If she has been depressed this long without any relief then step in and try to get something done for her, if she refuses then tell her plain up you will have to leave as this is a life you did not want or can tolerate. Sadly, if something isn't done she could easily kill herself. Talk to who ever it takes to get her the treatment that will help, because right now nothing is helping her. You have to stay sane for yourself. I don't wish depression on anyone.

Answer 2

Ok. I can so relate to you! Only its my husband and he doesnt talk about his despair its just there. Always a 400# ape in the room. The only advice I can give you is just something I personally have learned dealing with my husband. Depression seems to come from the realization that life didnt turn out the way you thought it would or wanted it too. Your wife may think she wanted to be married and live in the house you have and drive the car she has but somewhere deep inside her she is upset about her choices. Now my husband could not pinpoint what part of life made him so unhappy and your wife probably feels like she cant or maybe its just all of it. For my husband I offered change. I have had to do this about 3 times as it certainly is not the cure for depression but it seems to bring him out of it for long periods (6 months or so). If your wife is like my husband and cannot pinpoint what is making her unhappy then listen for clues or think back to happy times and do your best to recreate them or just go for something totally new. Spontaineity is best. Announce one Saturday that you are taking her on a hot air balloon ride. Or go to a wine tasting even if you dont drink wine. Do something toally out of the ordinary that will peak her interest in life. I have found that with my husband most of the time he didnt know he liked something or wanted to do it...until we did it. My husband had never left the state we are in. So I found some cheap airfare and off we went. He had never seen the ocean and that trip was his first time. Now he talks about it all the time and cant wait to go back. He has something to live for! I took him to an Off Broadway show in our town. He had never been to a theater like that. He loved it too. Watch the local paper for odd ball stuff that you would normally dimiss and then just go do it! Renew her interest in life! Thats my best advice. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

hon, she needs a NEW doctor and in-hospital treatment........there is something else wrong if none of that medication is helping, and she needs a new doctor who will get to the bottom of it......hang in there!

Answer 4

take her to church and really pray about it together...