Would you stay with your husband after he's gotten someone else pregnant?

Question

My husband and I have been married for four years, but we've been off and on. This time he got with a girl and she is now pregnant. We had been talking about truly working things out and now he says he wants to do the right thing and come home but he feels he has failed me as a husband. I don't know what to do. I want to make my marriage work with my husband. He says he's tried to talk the girl out of having the baby but she wants it. Even though he tells me this his actions are different from what he tells me. I'm thinking he may want to be with this woman and he just doesn't want to tell me. Could that be possible? Or do you think he feels as if he has messed up so bad that he can't face me. I'm confused and i just need to know exactly what to do or what i should consider doing, you know.

Answer 1

Hey stilllovehim,

Let me first say this about your situation.I can see that you really love your husband very much. Judging from what everyone has said regarding your situatio, i would have to say "take all of these comments with a grain of salt" mines included.

You have stated that you and your husband have had an on againg off again marriage. It is very evident that there is something that continues to bring you two back together over and over again. I think that something is LOVE.

I wish you would have given more variables for me: do you two have children, how is the communication between you,did you have any other men during the breakups? I will try my best to help you with what has been given.

The fact that the relationship has been on and off means that there is no stability, however the love is there because you keep returning to one another. The fact that you have these breaks always allows for others to come between you, hence the new girl thats having the baby. Now you stated that HE wants to work things out and so do you. Marriage is full of ups and downs and one of the best things to do and the hardest to master is turning something negative into something positive and live with it.

This girl is having this baby, and that baby is going to be in your life if you decided to make your relationship work. Now, if you feel your marriage is truly worth saving, then seek counseling. It will help tremendously. Also keep in mind that there is nothing new under the sun. This is not the first time that something like this has happened in this world we live in. I have seen things like this work out. In addition, it won't be easy...but if the LOVE is truly there and it is as strong as you make it seem, then there IS a chance for this marriage.

To be truthful, I think you both can learn from this and help form a stronger bond and foundation for your relationship to stand upon. The on and offness is definitely what allowed this to happen.

To help you with this problem of yours, let me first say that I understand what you are going through and especially know what your husband is feeling. I live it daily for I have done the same thing and I have wronged my wife and I have repented. the bible says that David was a man after God's own heart and that even though he was, he still committed adultry, yet God still loved him.

the first thing you are going to have to do is forgive him and him you. You must also recognize the fact that the two of you amde a committment to one another. It is on that vow and with committment that you should base your marriage on. Forget all that has happened because your mind will sure find ways to get "back" at him. He needs you right now to say "I THINK I CAN DO THIS"

You need to tell him that if he is going to stick to his adulterous ways, then this will never work. BUT, if you can know that he can promise some stability in your life, with concern to your heart, then GO FOR IT. Divorce is such a terrible process and todays society is so quick to give up on something that could really be genuine. People everyday make mistakes that they will regret andsome do things that will change someones life forever. Making the decision to stick with your husband will speak VOLUMES over what society is dictating to us.

I wish you the best in your decision and pray that God give you the strength to endure whatever the outcome of your decision may be.

Be Blessed

Keith D

PS...I know that a lot of women are bitter about situations like this...but YOU have togo with your OWN heart not the people of Yahoo! Answers.

I am writing this because I can attest to the fact that a man can change and can grow from from bad decisions that they make. I will probably be adding to my answer as more people respond to it.

I am more concerned for your marriage.

Answer 2

It would be impossible for me to stay in the marriage. Here are some things you are up against:
A. The child will alway's be a reminder that he betrayed the marriage.
B. The child's mother will alway's be in the picture.
C. Child support coming out of your houshold for the for the next 18 years or more if college.
D. Medical expenses that he will be half responsible for.
E. Your whole world will be changed by what should have been.
F. Future attendance in weddings, granchildren that your husband and his former lover share.
G.Never truly trusting because the trust was broken.
F. All the problems that you and husband already have and now you have his child by someone else to deal with.
G.You always wondering if he stayed with you out of guilt and pity and always wondering if he would have rather had the other woman and their child on a day to day basis.
F. When ever your future has a problem between the two of you.....will this woman allow him to run to her?
G. Is the woman in love with your husband?
H. The emotions you will feel on the day she gives birth to your husbands child..and dealing with his also.
I. How will his parents react to their granchild and may want to include this child into their lives.
J.The fact that your marriage is struggling now and how will that affect your intimacey with him?
I could go on and on here but I think you get the picture......Also you both would have to put a lot of energy into marriage counseling because you will both need it and prepare for everything that could come up unexpectedly. I believe at this point I would would be the one to walk away and set him free. Because nothing will be the same no matter how you try. He is responsible for this child that he created and being a parent will take up a lot of his time now. You already feel that he may want to be with this woman and letting him go time will tell if he ends up going to her. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 3

Hi. I'm am sincerely sorry about whats happened. These situations are never clear cut and only you know what your husband is really like. If he has been unfaithful or untrue to you in the past this often has weight on whether or not he is being sincere to you with his feelings, thoughts and needs. Yes he has let you down as he's gone away from you as his wife and had relations with another woman, who has become pregnant and wants to keep it. It does take 2 to tango and both he and her determination to keep it will most definitely have a huge impact on your relationship with him for the rest of YOUR life, if you decide to stay with him. It will mean that if you decide to stand by your man, you stand by him, her and their child. And if you decide if you dont have already, children with him, they will also have to compete with his other family and YOU are his wife. I'd sit down alone for a while and think about whether you can accept having a future with him in this situation or cut your losses and ride a storm of pain that you will get over, but will be alot less pain than the constant existence of the extended family. It may sound pretty harsh, but it is reality unfortunately. I am not anti-men or anything... but it is important for you to be true to yourself and what you really want. Dont allow him to sway you into believing that he will not allow it to come between you, as possibilities will be if she's that determined to keep the child she may decide at some point during this child's 18yrs want more than just settling for a little. Be careful, hun.... Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

Absolutely not!!! I may be willing to work things out with him, but not under those circumstances. A pregnant mistress is just an appetite for disaster. It's bad enough that you are dealing with his infedelity, but do you want to live the rest of your life dealing with another woman's baby??? Yes, I do think he probably wants to be with this woman and doesn't know how to break the news to you. Whatever the situation is, I would get a divorce and move on with my life. I usually do not support divorce, but in this case I don't see any other alternative. Biblically you all should stay together, but again, I would move on.

Answer 5

I have been with my husband for 18 years and there is no way that if he cheated on me I would stay let alone get another woman pregant. If he cared anything about you or your marriage he would have never been with anyone else but you. Some guys like to make us women think that they were set up and or they say they were drinking and they did not know what they were doing at the time. HE HAS DONE IT ONCE HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. If you don't have children with him are you going to be able to deal with another woman dropping her child off for him to spend time with? I know from my life you just can't deal with the what if's. First thing I would have him do is ask for dna of the baby when born to make sure it is indeed his. To many girls out there wanting babies and willing to blame them on anyone.

Answer 6

I think he is just scared of being a father. Boot him to the curb if it hasnt worked out in 4 yrs, then maybe he can start over by taking responsibility for the child he IRRESPONSIBLY made.If he doesnt then the girl will be a welfare mother probably and the kid will grow up emotionally messed up because of YOUR husband. When a guy abandons the kids he makes because he doesnt want to be responsible ,I think society has the right to castrate him.He doenst know how to use it properly and responsibly.He doesnt love you and his vows mean nothing, else he wouldnt have been screwing around but would have done all he could to get you both to a marriage counselor 3 yrs ago.

Answer 7

It really sounds like he is looking at getting back with you as a way out of dealing with his responsibilities as a parent.
If he really truly wanted to be with you, firstly he would not have jumped into bed with another woman while you guys were 'off' and he would def had made sure he used protection!
You can do much much better than a creep that would do something like this not just to you, but also to the woman thats carrying his child, dont you think?
Buy him a packet of condoms and say Bye Bye
Good luck
xx

Answer 8

When you guys got married you BOTH took marriage vows and sadly he's broken his!
He's lay down with another woman, got her pregnant and is now playing the "I'm so sorry i messed up " trump card.
To answer your question, No i would not stay with my partner if i found out he had cheated, the trust is gone and you need trust in a relationship, he's betrayed you and deserves to hang his head in shame.
You got to do what you feel is right, just dont let him take you for a ride!

Answer 9

you should stay with him-- but only if:
1. you truly love him, and can't imagine life without him.
2. You don't mind hundreds of dollars coming out of your joint bank account monthly for child support.
3. you don't mind him being in this girls life - because once she has his baby- there is a connection there for the rest of their lives.
4. If you want to live a life with somebody- not trusting him.

I would never stay in an on and off relationship- whats the point? If one minute you are together- and the next you are not-- true love will go through anything together- and not be apart.

Answer 10

If your husband can walk away or want to abort a child he has made, it proves he is not a man and one that is not worth having. This was obviously not a one night stand. If the woman does have this baby she will be part of your life for at least 16 years, could you cope with this. Can you ever trust him again. Sounds to me like you want to be a doormat. I would say to him you made your bed now lay on it and find yourself a man that really cares. Who knows if you stay will he be there for any children you have.