My boyfriend is great and tries so hard with me, but no matter what he does, I find something wrong with everything. Its impossible for him to do anything right. I know it hurts him and I don't know how to fix this behavior I have. My mom was like this too so I thinks its something that has been embedded within me since I was young. I really want to fix it but I don't know how. I do try not to be this difficult. Anyone have any input, advice or experience regarding this?
2007-05-23 10:02:02 · 17 answers · asked by kristajade 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have two choices. One is to go to counseling to find out why you are so insecure and feel the need to sabotage your relationships. Get help now, it won't go away. The other choice is let him go so that he can be with someone who will build a positive relationship not a negative one. Do it before he learns to hate you.
2007-05-23 10:12:21 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not be that there is something wrong with everything he does, but more that you are a perfectionist. I smell trouble. I mean you're probably great at your job, keeping the house up, etc, etc, etc., but you have to remember those are things that can be manipulated. For example, IDK what kind of work you do, but the way you do it, can be manipulated because it's in you to make the change. When it comes to your husband, no matter what you do, you can't manipulate or change the things he does because that's how he has learned that they should be done. There is a difference between external changes to internal. You can change whats in you and around you, but not the things that are inside your husband. We are all human and make mistakes or can't quite get things perfect. You need to give him a break or loose him little by little. Then when you make a mistake, he will grind it to you like you've never...... well just give him a break.
Good luck.
2007-05-23 17:38:01 · answer #2 · answered by This, That & such 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personality doesn't change easily. You sound very inconsistent. Either he is perfect and you are unreasonable or he can't meet an average standard. Don't double talk.
You will continue that way and perhaps even worse if you marry the guy. It is likely the problem is you having unfounded superiority mentality.
2007-05-23 17:12:29 · answer #3 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The difference between us and animals is one thing- we can pause before we make a response to a situation. Take time to think about your response or comment before you do it. Don't say you cant because you can! Some comments can never be taken back no matter how much you say you are sorry!!
2007-05-24 08:54:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You BF needs to be more primal with you and not be so accomadating. He needs to be more of a selfish bad boy towards you. I know many women say they hate "games" but relationship games were made for women like yourself....
Just keep being more and more unreasonable towards him until he snaps and yells at you. Then you will find that you like it...... Woman want nice guys but they also want a nice guy that is not afraid to drop the hammer on them when they get out of line....
2007-05-23 17:46:18 · answer #5 · answered by Felix 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just know, your behaviour cannot control you, but you can control your behaviour. Stop making excuses as to why you are this way and begin to act responsibly for how you treat him. Remember, just as much as love makes him walk towards you, hate can just as easy make him walk away from you. You need to learn to not take anyone's love for granted. Best of luck to you!
2007-05-23 17:09:20 · answer #6 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think you are the one with the problem , do something about it. Maybe therapy or counseling might help you identify the roots of your constant unhappiness or excessive perfectionism.
Just don't hurt him anymore. He doesn't deserve it.
If you have issues, deal with them so you can be happier.
2007-05-23 17:08:47 · answer #7 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have some advice. If your boyfriend is that perfect and you aren't aware that he will soon discover you have issues, then leave him alone and allow someone who knows how to appreciate a good man, enter his life...before you ruin a good man.
2007-05-23 17:09:16 · answer #8 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he brought it up to you yet? Because sometimes you just need to hear it from him. Men rarely talk about their feelings so when they tell you themselves that you are hurting them it may change the way you speak to him. You have to put yourself in his position and try not to follow your mothers way.
2007-05-23 17:07:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are people who are just chronically dissatisfied.... you may be one of them..... Get a few sessions of counseling to get an attitude adjustment.... it may indeed be a personality defect that you can work on and be better......Otherwise, you are in for one miserable life, sweetie.
2007-05-23 17:10:41 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋