How do I get over the fact that my spouse is not attractive anymore?

Question

I know Im going to get some mean answers b/c this sounds like a mean question but Im not trying to be mean! I seriously need help with this. My husband used to be attractive- well dressed, clean shaven, nice hair cuts, wore contacts, in shape...etc. Now he rarely shaves, (some may look sexy but he doesnt!!) wears his thick ugly glasses, always needs a haircut, wears whatever he finds in the afternoons and weekends (wears uniform at work) I know this sounds so terrible b/c I love him for whats inside and I try to concentrate on that, just like I would want him to do but I dont know how. please no mean answers. I know this is terrible but I need some real help here.

Answer 1

Well, I'm not going to be mean. It don't think that your a bad person. Hell if people were being honest they have felt the same way about there spouse before. The thing is most of us get comfortable in marriage. You know they feel like they got you so they don't put forth that same effect to keep you. That's sad but oh so true. I used to be a lot smaller when I met my husband and as soon as he said "I do" I gained 20 pounds.He noticed and the way he motivated me was working out and dressing better himself. I noticed how fine he looked and the attention he was getting and decided that I wanted to keep my man looking at me. So I worked out with his help and now everything is great. The best part is he didn't make me feel bad for gaining. He loved me regardless. Just talk to him. Be honest and not harsh and your man will rise to the occasion.

Answer 2

I don't think that question deserves mean answers. If you had let yourself go you can bet your money that he would be complaining. Of course you love your husband for what is on the inside, but if you are like most women, you feel that if he truly loved you, he would take care of himself on the outside. I think that most men thing...well I got her so now I don't have to worry about what I look like anymore.
I think a nice gentle discussion with him would be your best bet. Start off with telling him how much you love him, and list some things that you truly still find attractive about him. Then say..."i'm concerned that you may have some underlying issues that are causing you to feel down about yourself and that is coming thru by yadayadayada(you feel in the blanks)" If he reacts negatively, back off. Hopefully he will respond like you want him too. Also, you may want to buy him that pair of sunglasses he's been eyeing (you can't wear them unless you put in your contacts) or buy him a nice outfit that you know he would wear. Just hang it in his closet and say I thought it looked like you. Maybe buy him a gift certificate for a day of pampering where they will give him a nice hair cut and good close shave...etc. You are not terrible. You know what a good husband you have and you just want everyone else to see it too. Because we all know that the first thing a person is judged by is their looks.

Answer 3

I would just drop subtle hints and make sure you look as good as you can. Not trying to be mean but you don't want him to feel the same way about you. I don't think your being mean-sounds like these are all things he can help to fix himself up a little. Maybe you 2 are in a rut, start going out more and having more time for just you two. If you do the laundry then hide or throw out his ugly stuff and have his stuff you want him to wear clean and the first thing he sees in his closet (that's what I do-hee hee) men throw on the first thing they see!
I like one of your other answers about the hints. Tell him how nice and sexy he looks when he does shave.
He is probably tired and stressed from work. aren't we all?
good luck

Answer 4

That's not a mean question at all. I think it happens alot it just most people are not brave enough to admit it.. When you find yourself not attracted to your spouse anymore I think there is a couple of thing you could do. First off maybe for christmas or his birthday buy him some contacts, give him a gift certificate to a salon, buy him a new shavor. If that doesn't work just casually say honey, tell him the truth, Nicely say honey I hate those glasses can I pick you out a pair. Or say honey your hair is bothing me.. you know what I mean... Well good luck girl, Hope I helped a little..

Answer 5

Sometimes people don't think its necessary to dress nice around a spouse because, well you are married! However his behavior could be a sign of depression, so you might want to discuss that with his doctor. If you haven't told your husband how you feel, then obviously you need to. I would suggest fantasy nights, you both dress up, go out or stay in and have a good time, and "reward" him. I would make positive comments whenever you can, don't say "I like it when you wear that shirt because the other one is so sloppy", you want to reinforce the positive "oh honey you look so sexy in that shirt, I just want to tear it off!"" Oh honey, a smooth face really turns me on!". You get the picture.

Your husband sounds like he is in trouble, so make sure you are not being a nag and making him feel worse. Insist he get a physical, call the doctor (yes, you need to make the appointment), beforehand and tell him about what is going on. Good luck.

Answer 6

Do the two of you ever go anywhere?? He might very well be "comfortable" and think to himself, "I've got her now.. why should I keep myself up to impress her". It happens more often than not in both men and women once they get married. Throw a couple of hints.. "Honey, I love it when you have a fresh haircut and clean shave.. I find it SO sexy on you".. etc. Suggest that he get a new pair of glasses to show off his sexy eyes.. etc.. You can throw subtle hints to him without being straight up mean and disrespectful towards him. Best of luck and remember.. you could be stuck with a lot worse.. a cheater or an out right jerk for a husband.. Always be thankful and show him you love him TOO.

Answer 7

That's called letting the hair down. After the marriage, it's back to nature. He's not alone. Lots of men run around at home with old and torn shorts or shirts. And he needs a break with his contacts!! It's not like you didn't know he had to wear thick glasses.

Men are more comfortable looking groggy. Women, on the other hand, seem not to like looking themselves in the mirror with all the fake stuff removed and makeup gone thereby revealing the true self.

Answer 8

well this is a hard one...k is everything alright with him? work wise, money etc.... other than this issue how is your relationship? how long have you 2 been married? how long has this been going on for? sorry for all of my Q but these thing can help ,myself and others answer yours better...assuming all is well with your relationship besides this I would talk to him about this..not by saying hey I'm not attracted to you any more but approach it by asking him whats up whats going on would you like me to make you an appointment to get your haircut? or hey I'm going shopping do you need any new pants or shirts, shorts etc...cause I'll pick some up for you if you want ..if he says no well then say O.K. and pick some out for him anyway and when you get home say there was a great sale and you couldn't resist..then ask him to try them on when he gets a chance so you can return them if they need to be, buy him a new kind of razor if he uses electric...I could go on but I wont...if your relationship is not good and hasn't been for sometime now than maybe he has just given up....I'm glad to hear that you do love him, but I do understand how this could affect you..good luck I hope maybe some of what I wrote helped...could use more info about your relationship and lives though....

Answer 9

Yeah I know what you are going through. It did not take long for my EX bf to rarely shave, not shower daily and wear what got to be joked as the "3-day Shirts" - it was just gross.
Among that, he was gaining even more weight and his man boobs were growing almost overnight LOL!

I don't know what to tell you honey, but sometimes the truth is the best answer. Just tell him how you feel, ask him if he is feeling depressed or lacking motivation or maybe something medical.........or you will find out he pretty much thinks you are a parked car on his lawn and no matter what, you ain't going anywhere.

Answer 10

This is a hard one. Because how are you going to feel when you gain a few pounds, and the gray hairs take over, and dimples show up in places they just ain't cute? Or once you have kids....and things are just not in the same place or shape as they were before. (*do your boobs hang low do they wobble to and fro*) It happens to us all sooner or later, BUT....if it really bothers you, then find a way to hint to him that he could spruce himself up a bit. Say, Honey...let's do one of those makeovers on you. See if you can get him on Oprah, or Ricki Lake or something to make him over. It won't matter, I don't think...how it's presented...he's gonna take it the way it sounds. Like you're a little vain. That doesn't make you a bad person, but remember...your time will come too...and how would you want HIM to feel towards you?