Is guilt a useless emotion?

Question

I constantly feel guilty. I feel bad when I am at work and on Yahoo Answers because I have nothing to do. I am getting paid for doing a minimum amount of work.

I have kept them informed and do whatever work they ask me to and more on my own.

I feel bad because I could be there for my child. She is 15 and lives with her Dad in another state. I gave him custody during the divorce.

The guilt is eating me up. I am not really living life.

How do I learn to accept and forgive myself?

Answer 1

You're doing all ou can. Why do you think I am on Yahoo Answers?<;-) I'm at work too. Believe me, I have told them to give me more work, so the ball is now in their court. Be thankful you can reach out to others on Yahoo Answers right now.

Are you staying in touch with your daughter? A card a letter, a phone call.

Accept yourself and forgive yourself and say "What can I do to make things better for myself? My Daughter? an abandoned cat or dog? A lonely person in a Nursing home? A homeless person at a Soup Kitchen? A child who needs someone to read to him or her at the library?"

When we reach out to others, we expand our horizons and open our hearts and get back much more than we invest!!!

So much you can do -- you sound like you have a sensitive good heart.

Answer 2

First, let me tell you that I know how you feel. I am a non-custodial mom too. It is really hard to live far away from your kid.
Can you move closer? Can you get a job that challenges your mind and doesn't leave you with so much free time? These things may not alleviate the guilt, but they might give you less time to think about it.
About guilt--A large part of guilt is the internal monologue that accompanies it. To stop the feeling, you have to stop those nagging voices in you head that tell you that you're no good.
That isn't easy to do. Partly, it takes constant vigilance to re-program your thoughts so that you aren't constantly tearing yourself down. You need to replace those guilt thoughts with positive things. I used to do affirmations on my breaks at work--"I am a wanted and needed person. I am confident that I am loved."
It sounds corny but it really does work.
Do you have a support system that you can turn to when you're low? Family or friends you can call? If not, try a diary or blog--just something to expunge your feelings so you aren't dwelling on them throughout the day.
Finally, I think from reading your question that a lot of your guilt comes from the custodial situation with your daughter. You need to decide what to do. Should you move closer to where her father lives? Should you buy her a cell phone or start an email account so you two can talk more? Do something to open a line of communication with her and work to keep it open.
A daughter NEVER forgets her mother. Just because you're not with her every day doesn't mean that she is angry or that she will forget you. Divorce happens. Children are often put into the middle of it. But if you are responsible and adult (ie, not putting her in the middle of your fight with her dad) that you are already ahead of the game. Do special things to let her know that you are thinking of her.
Good luck. Take care. If you need to talk, message me!

Answer 3

What do you feel guilty about? Not working enough? or not being a full time mother?

If it's work, your employer is obviously aware of what you are doing and is fine with it...

If it's your daughter, try to arrange more visitation or spend more time talking to her on the phone or online.

15 is a tough age. I have four daughters of my own and 5 granddaughters...15 is the worst year.

But perhaps you can have her come for the summer and live with you then....
Only feel guilty for what you are truly responsible for...otherwise it's not really guilt...it's something else.

Answer 4

Guilt is like a built in warning system, it tells you when you are wrong.
The hard part is accepting that you are wrong and then making the decision to make things right.
Go back to court and get partial custody of your daughter.
If she is not willing to accept this, then you stayed away too long.
Which means you will have to find a job closer to her and start over trying to be her mother.
Yep, it's hard, but at least you can say you tried to do the right thing, and that will get rid of the guilt.
Good luck.

Answer 5

Don't worry at all. Guilt is not a very good feeling, as you metioned, but it isn't useless. The only dangerous thing about is that too much guilt may cause depression or something like that.
I am very sorry about your daughter, I guess you miss her a lot...
As my mum is always telling me "Don't be too sensible and take life easy". I would suggest you to use this theory.

Answer 6

guilt isn't always useless, it shows that you care. that you're attempting to be a good person(and I'm not denying that you are already.) as far as the work thing as long as you're doing what's expected of you there's nothing wrong with using free time.

about your daughter though, I understand that one more, for one thing you have to consider whether you did all you could? and remember the things you can't change...everyone's going to make mistakes and some of them never leave you.

You also need to remember that once you accept who you have been, and who you are- you're that much closer to being who you want to be.
hope that helps, and I hope things work out in your life =)

Answer 7

All any of us can do is the best we can. The out come is completely out of our control, there are very few things we are in fact in control of. One of them is how we feel and our attitudes. You have to accept the decisions you have made and move on. Now by moving on I mean, if you don't like the way things are change it, if you like the way things are leave it alone and embrace it.

Answer 8

'Guilt' is not an emotion, but rather a state. 'The defendant was found guilty'
People bear guilt as a state of being, no emotion is described by the word.-Are you thinking of 'remorse'? From what you described it may be a personal sense of uselessness and you pity yourself for being so .
Are you on drugs, perhaps?