He is all about enriching your mind reading and all of that and it's not like I watch alot of T.V. but when he's home I have to fight with him for half an hour to get him to let me watch T.V. for just an hour. I acctually schedule a half an hour of time before the show to fight with him so by the time we're done fighting can watch my show.
All I'm asking is for 1 hour is that so unreasonable?
I just need some new suggestions on how to help him understand that this is how I relax and I don't neccsarily relax the same way he does, which is by reading I have to really like the book I'm reading all he wants me to do is read self help/finance books which is Ironic considering I do all of our bills anyway but not the point. Point is someone please give me some thing I haven't thought of.
2007-05-23 08:47:44 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Next time he wants to get frisky, tell him you don't think that's going to enrich your mind....
J/k!!!!!
Nah seriously, let him know that you have other interests as well. Explain you may not be interested in everything he is to the same extent he does, but you respect what he chooses to do with his time - and he should do the same. Honestly, with all the self help books he encourages, I'm surprised he doesn't see how him being so controlling doesn't contribute much good to the relationship. He really needs to learn to relax- bettering yourself is great but being too stiff can make life miserable.
2007-05-23 09:00:17 · answer #1 · answered by DrkLashes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TV is not the real issue. What is? Control? Personal values? If there were some way you could sort out what is putting you at odds it could be easier both for each of you to understand where the other one is coming from on the TV watching, and also to accept your differences without one person trying to control the other.
The book "The Seven Principles for making Marriage Work" by John Gottman has some really useful ways of addressing the ongoing issues that cause frustration in marriage. Whoops! Sorry I am probably sounding just like your husband. But maybe both of you should consider reading it.
2007-05-23 08:54:12 · answer #2 · answered by surlygurl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
O.k. this might work, have the TV on when he walks in the door while sitting on the couch holding a book. When he start arguing with you smile at him and remind him that you are a grown woman. Be direct when saying this...look him in his eyes and tell him you are going to watch T.V without any interruptions and go back to watching T.V. The least he can do is turn it off...if he does, and you have a t.v. in the bedroom, go and lock the door and watch t.v. in peace. Tell him that you won't interrupt him if you are in your room watching T.V and he is elsewhere reading a book. If still unreasonable buy him some books about being a good understanding husband, who knows how to leave his wife alone while watching T.V...good luck!
2007-05-23 10:28:38 · answer #3 · answered by Lil_MissVal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually I don't think its about the time you are watching TV, I think it has alot to do with what your watching. If you were watching something that was always inappropriate, i might say something also. I think that your husband just wants to connect with you and feels like the tv is a disstraction, what I find is weird is that most women relax by talking about their day and getting everything in the open, tv never helps just puts everything on the back burner for alittle bit. But just feel me out on 1 thing that I said and thats the what your watching, because I bet if you watched a mind enriching tv show he wouldn't say anything, in fact he would be able to sit down right next to you and watch it.
2007-05-23 09:09:29 · answer #4 · answered by Nate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of sitting in front of the tv arguing about watching it, after dinner you need to pour a cup of tea or coffee for each of you and ask him to sit down at the kitchen table. Looking across the table at each other and making contact will increase your odds of him actually listening to you. You may also want to write down your thoughts on the matter of tv watching and your also need to be firm. You are a grown adult and can make these decisions on your own. You can tell him you appreciate that he loves to read and that he enriches his life in this way but that he can't force that upon you and you won't force him to watch tv. When you want to watch tv he could read in another room so it doesn't disturb him and you could make sure the volume is reasonable. Your husband is definitely being both controlling and unreasonable and if this behavior is not dealt with it could expand to other areas of your marriage, please keep an eye on it. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-05-23 08:56:52 · answer #5 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why does he need to "let you" watch TV? Why do you need his permission?
Look, people disagree on all kinds of things. Not every married couple is going to have the same interests. So, tell him to back off and let you relax and watch your programs.
Its not like you're forcing him to watch with you!
More troubling is the fact that he feels the need to control you and belittle the things you enjoy, like they aren't educational or high-brow enough! What's with that?!
As I said, I think the only thing you can do is have a conversation in which you put your foot down and tell him to drop it and leave you alone when you watch TV. Or maybe you should nag him incessantly while he reads his finance books...
2007-05-23 08:56:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
HELLO! Your husband is not your father! You should tell him that you are a grown woman and you'll watch TV whenever you want. This is not the dark ages, men are not the king of the castle! A marriage is a partnership , an equal partnership.If he uses the old "I bring home the paycheck", remind him who washes, cooks, shops for groceries, cleans, irons, and looks after his needs. There should be no fight just do it. You don't need his permission.
2007-05-23 09:00:25 · answer #7 · answered by Cyn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The others are right. He's not your father and you can't let him control you or it will only get worse. Marriage is a team, not a dictatorship. Next time the argument crops up say this: "I don't appreciate being treated like a child. I'm an adult and you can go to your room until you can treat me like one." Trust me I tried it and he was dumbfounded and actually went to his room! He's never yelled at me since. If he's going to treat you like a child start treating him like one. Give him a curfew, if you do the bills give him an allowance, tell him he can only read for one hour if all his chores are done. Then follow it up with he's off the hook when he can treat you like an adult. Don't back down. Good luck!
2007-05-23 08:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by fourzenuff 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
At first glance, it seems your husband is totally out of line to impose HIS preferences on you. He can read all he wants; he married you knowing who you were, and he needs to live with the fact that you prefer television to books. If it was THIS much of a problem - then why didn't he find someone like himself? I am like your husband in that I don't like watching TV. When I lived alone, I didn't even have a TV set. I was always reading, or online, or out with friends. My husband and I like slightly different things; he loves watching movies, and is a little disappointed that I don't like it; but if he wants to watch a movie, I'm all for it - I just put in my earplugs to cut down on the noise, and keep on reading or playing a game. He also loves building stuff and working around the house - and I'm more of a sit-down-and-veg-out type. He doesn't make me help him with installing new light switches - and I don't make him play videogames or read with me. To each their own.
Of course, I don't know your husband's perception of your TV habit; maybe he feels that you're wasting too much time on mindless TV watching, and that your marriage suffers because of it? I've known some people who were desperately addicted to television - they neglected their home and families because of their habit. They failed to acknowledge their addiction as such, and seemed to have no clue why their loved ones were hurt. Are you sure this is not the situation with you? I grew up with a dad who was a TV addict; he still doesn't see it as anything more than harmless relaxation - but I can tell you that he's missed out on a lot of family interaction because he was always glued to the TV.
Hear your husband out, try to see his point of view. If he's a controlling and dominating individual who wants everything to be his way, you'll probably see evidence of it in more than just the TV issue - it would permeate your whole reality. If he keeps his objections focused on just the TV habits - give him the benefit of the doubt and try to see the situation through his eyes instead of immediately shutting him down. Good luck.
2007-05-23 09:23:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, RUN!! The man is a control freak!! Believe me, I was married to one. When you know that something as simple as watching TV is going to set off an arguement and you actually have to schedule in time for it, that's NEVER a good sign in a relationship.
Like I said, RUN. Find you someone who likes the same shows you do...
2007-05-23 08:54:27 · answer #10 · answered by Beckie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋