iv been in a 4 year realtionship and with a 6 month old daughter and we both got an attitude problem. we have never cheated on eachother or anything like that but our relationship has been up and down weve seperated twice for a few days than got back together and we usually argue about 4-6 times a week and its hard at times we thought of a break but when are about to leave we just put our clothes back and stay together.
how can we make our relation ship better? i need advice to calm ourselves down with our anger problem. please let me know what will work for our relationship i love him as much as he loves me and we want to live like a happy family our daughter is everything to us.
2007-05-23 08:39:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By being humble and not having to have everything the way you want it to be. Think of what you can do to make your spouse's life better and do it. If what you have to say or do will impact your spouse negatively, then keep your mouth shut and/or don't do it.
One of you has to stand down and be humble and take responsiblity for your own actions and words and quit looking to blame each other and everything and everybody else for what is wrong or what you believe is wrong in your relationship.
Treat him the way you want to be treated and do it consistently, over and over, until you see that things are starting to change and your positive response are automatic, like your negative ones are right now. You didn't get where you are today by one fight or one wrong choice, so it will take some time to turn things around. Change the way you think so you can change the way you do things or talk.
Or, keep trying to do things the same way you are now and watch your marriage continue to deterioate - which also negatively impacts on your child's life, as well.
2007-05-23 08:50:40 · answer #1 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married with my husband too for 4 years and we have 2 kids. I'd say that one of you needs to calm down and let the other one speak out without interruptions, and then when it's your turn to speak tell him what it is that you are angry about. Listen to each others story. It also pays to be patient. Try to settle an argument before bedtime so that you won't to carry it out again the next morning. If it wasn't really your fault....then just be the one to say sorry for it. Some petty arguments are not good reasons to separate. Think of your daughter whenever you'll break into an argument. I hope you guys would really work it out.
2007-05-23 15:55:24 · answer #2 · answered by Melaire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of you need to not nag each other and get some anger management classes and some marriage counseling. It's abuse if you're fighting in front of your daughter. She doesn't need that. Find out a way to discuss your issues without arguing. I can't imagine what would be worth arguing about that many times a week. My husband and I only argue about once a year because we've learned to just let go the things that aren't really worth arguing over. Sooo many things aren't worth it yet people still argue over the petty things. About the only things worth fighting over are abuse, substance abuse, cheating, way over spending to the point of financial problems, etc... Anything else can be let go if it's going to cause a fight. You married each other, remember your vows. Good luck!
2007-05-23 15:47:10 · answer #3 · answered by fourzenuff 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Separate residences, shared responsibility for your daughter.
Limit your interaction unless it involves caring for your daughter. In time, if you get along better, increase the amount of time you spend as a family.
I was in your shoes for a long time and it gets easier when you are not under the same roof and allow some distance and communicate when you have some space and time to breathe.
2007-05-23 15:49:25 · answer #4 · answered by yoak 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The very, very best thing you can do is get both of you into a couples' counselor. Talk to him. Tell him you are unhappy, and you know that he is, too. You want to work things out, but you both need help. Then ask him to go with you to counseling. If he won't go, then go yourself. It will make a big difference, whether it solves your problems, or shows you that they are not resolveable. Either way, you win.
2007-05-23 15:45:39 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me and my wife go through the same thing... We have bin married for 4 years and have a 2 year old...If you really love each other you will make it work no matter what...Marriage is a lot of work and it is not always fun...My wife and I got some counseling to get a 3rd party prospective and its done wonders...good luck......
2007-05-23 15:50:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to sit down with a counselor and figure out why you fight with each other and fix the problems. It's not as easy as it sounds but it can work if you both want it. Good luck, I hope you can work it out.
2007-05-23 15:44:31 · answer #7 · answered by Miki S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋