I can not stand this guy! He tries to control my BF. He says that they are one (what?) They have a joint bank account and everything. He gave her a promise ring and insist she refers to him as her fiancé-they are not married! (we're 21) He is childish and arrogant ,and so weird. She actually has plans to marry this guy, which is why I am so worried. I think she knows that I dislike him, but I’m not sure. We haven’t spoken about it or him. I don’t really want to, b/c there is no telling what the outcome will be, and I don’t want there to be friction between us.... Sooner or latter I know we will have to. Advice?
2007-05-23 08:21:44 · 11 answers · asked by Pam Grier is an icon 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Get her away from him and sit down and talk with her. You'll have to be straight up honest with her about how you feel about him and why. However, make sure she knows that you don't want this to come between you. It may cause some friction between you, but you have got to tell her how you feel. My best friend told me (after I was divorced) that she didn't like my ex. It kind of pissed me off, but it was because if she would have told me how she really felt and why, then it may have opened my eyes up and it could have saved me a lot of problems in the long run.
2007-05-23 08:29:13 · answer #1 · answered by mindylee413 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personal experience: DON'T!! My best friend of 12 years (1st through our senior year in high school) we were inseparable. She started dating this guy that got really controlling and she just changed as a person in a whole. It was the same thing- sort of. He got pissed if she didn't call any free chance she got. If she was 2 minutes late to meet him- he assumed she was chaeating- he was just nasty! I got so tired of her blowing me off for this guy that I said I didn't want to see her if she was with him. We didn't talk for 6 years.
She kept dating the guy and threw our friendship out the door. She dated him for 4 of those 6 years. Even after she broke up with him, we didn't try to bury the hatchet.
Things finally cleared up and by a strange course of events, we are now talking. We're 23 now. I would give anything to have that time back, but she and I needed to grow as individuals. We were together every day for 12 years and it was so heart breaking not to have her there anymore.
That is what happened to me when I opened my mouth about my best friends boyfriend. Your friend just needs to realize how bad he is on her own. Eventually, she will figure it out and she will need a good friend there to comfort her.
I know it's hard, but sometimes people just need to make conclusions on their own.
2007-05-23 08:35:17 · answer #2 · answered by Phoenixsong 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as if she already knows you hate her boyfriend because she doesn't want to talk about him with you...It's already caused friction. Why wouldn't she want to talk about her fiance to her best friend? She may be afraid that if you talk negatively about him, she may feel as if she has to choose between you or him. If you still want her as a friend, you are better to not tell her exactly what you think about him unless she asks. Unless he's lying, stealing, doing illegal activity or abusing or tormenting her, you'll have to learn to tolerate having him around her. You can make some suggestions but outright telling her why he's no good is not your job. You're not her mother. She'll likely resent you. It's ok to let her know you are worried about her safety or if she gets hurt. Don't make her feel like a loser for having a bf you hate. If you are mature yourself, you can ignore the quirks that may irritate you about him and be patient and find some way to make peace with him. She would be happy for your support, even if you don't like him. In time, she may find he's wrong for her, but I think she will be grateful to have you as a friend for never trying to control her or make her feel stupid. Friends support each other through thick and thin.
2007-05-23 09:05:03 · answer #3 · answered by Eva Selena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*Everyone is going to have a fit, when you bring this up.
.It's in your best interest though to just be straight with her and to be totally honest. The truth hurts.
.Anyways just say something like:
"Hey ____ I need to talk to you for a minute, there is something that has been on my mind for far too long...and I feel like it needs to be adressed."
"I'm not sure if you know, but I have a dislike towards your b/f and I feel like he's ____, &____ towards you and that he is awfully rude to me more often than not, and I don't feel that's right. I also think that he is controlling and that a lot of the things he does/says to you and myself are completely out of line and uncalled for. I understand you love him and all, but at the same time, I feel like he is tearing our friendship apart right in front of your face...and you're letting him do it."
." So I guess what I am getting at is that.....if this doesn't stop and your boyfriend can't come to accept that you and I are best friends, and he continues to give me attitude...then I don't think we can be friends anymore, because I can't put up with it and I do not think I should have to fight to try and be your friend...it's ridiculous.!!!"
~~You can say whatever you want, I was just trying to give you an idea of what you could say :):)
.....Anyways good luck with everything and keep me posted on what happens and what you decided to do.
2007-05-23 08:38:16 · answer #4 · answered by Shut your mouth when u tlk to me 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hon, You are on a very slippery slope ! All you can do is be lovingly honest and open ! Then back off, we can not force our will upon others.We all make choices and deal with the results. Have you prayed for your friends eyes to be opened?
2007-05-23 08:40:05 · answer #5 · answered by lonewolf 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same problem with my BF her man is very controlling and thinks he is the sh!t and I always let him know I don't like him . but to keep the peace btw me and my friend we will not discuss him or anything that's going on with them this way i wont' get mad and say things that she knows is true but does not like to hear. but trust me if i see that he is being a jerk i have know problem telling him and if she ever gets mad at me over it she know that I'm out of the friendship. i respect her but sometimes as outsiders we tend to see what others pretend they don't see that's why we are true friends and will not let this jerk come between us.
2007-05-23 08:47:06 · answer #6 · answered by sexyswells42 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the bond is between ur bestfriend & you, dont allow this asshole to ruin it 4 the both of you, b/c that might just be what he wants to do.. be there for ur friend & as hard as it may be dont fall into his trap- eventually his true colors will shine through & you will be ther to help ur friend through it until then "unfortunately" you might have to be the silent friend with a smile & a shoulder okay..good luck...
2007-05-23 08:28:21 · answer #7 · answered by kimmiegaddy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend that hates my boyfriend. She is single, are u? It really does not matter what you think as long as she is happy and he is treating her well. She probably is really in love and happy. My advice is tell her you are happy for her don't be jealous that will make u only not friends in the end?
2007-05-23 08:44:37 · answer #8 · answered by Kelsy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay girl
If you hate him that much just sit down with them and ask her if she knows how you feel about him. If it go wrong just walk away from the friendship! It's not rigth for her not to listen to you.
2007-05-23 08:27:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There was something about his on Ask Mickey
www.askmickey.typepad.com
2007-05-23 08:24:28 · answer #10 · answered by Gabe Q 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋