When you meet "the one" and you're engaged, it is ok to ask him to throw out old gf's memory stuff?

Answer 1

If he's starting a life with you - then why would he even want it? You shouldn't have to ask him to toss it out - he should be doing that voluntarily.

Answer 2

No! Absolutely not! It's not ok to ask him to throw away the old gf's memory stuff! It's completely acceptable to have him put it in a box, and store it somewhere so that it's not prominant in his mind. She is an ex girlfriend afterall - and you are "the one" for him. Pictures, letters, etc... they are all part of HIS history. Even she played a part in him being the person he is today - the man you are in love with!

Take it from experience on this. I was married once, which led to divorce ultimately. She was one who would never allow me to have one single shred of privacy, which is still important even when you're married! I didn't have pictures, letters or anything from any of my ex girlfriends prominantly displayed ANYWHERE. I DID have them in a box, tucked away in a storage closet. Did I look at them when we were married? NO! I didn't have the urge to stroll down memory lane. BUT, that doesn't mean it's wrong to have those things in case I ever do want to? And even if I did open that box, there would be nothing wrong with it either... I'd be looking at a past time in my own life, and having fond thoughts of someone I once cared deeply for. That's a happy thought... it does NOT mean that I'm any less happy today, because of the happy thoughts I have while looking at those things though!

Keep his items intact... If you force this part of him out of your life, it may later lead to feelings of resentment later by him towards you. It's like a scrapbook of one chapter in this past.

Good luck!

Answer 3

its ok if he agrees and you can see he is definately ok with it. otherwise, don't, because those are his memories. his memories and experiences are what makes him the man he is and the man you want to marry! i have people that i've learned alot from and eventhough the relationship did not work out, i would not erase it for anything. is'nt that what life's about- learning! he's with you now! ask him about some of his stuff. you would be surprised, he may have some funny stories, or some sad ones. when he see's what a good woman he has, you won't have to ask him about throwing away anything. he'll probably do it on his own or store it in the attic until your old! dont make someone's old stuff reuin all the good stuff thats coming your way. live well!

Answer 4

It all depends on how you feel about them. If it really bothers you than you could ask. I feel that if you trust him completely than you wouldn't need to worry about those kind of things. If you are completely comfortable with him enough to marry him than the old gf memory stuff should just be a thing of the past. It was a part of his life that may have shaped him into the person he is today and maybe that's why he chooses to hold onto these things. That's just my opinion but everyone is different!!

Answer 5

I have 2 minds on this. I burned all my ex's letters,
etc., when I got engaged to my husband. I had already returned things when I had broken up with the ex. I do have a few pictures in a box--nothing I wouldn't want my kids to see--but they are my memoires of college, and I think I should be allowed to keep them. Not out in front of my hubby, but they do not infringe on our relationship. I also have 2 pieces of jewelry that my ex gave me. They were things that he would not take back, and I just put them in my jewelry box. I don't wear them, and I doubt anyone will ever know that I didn't buy them myself. I think anything that upset my husband, I would get rid of.

Answer 6

Yes. There's no reason to keep old items around from previous relationships. If they keep them and want to, that shows they might not be ready for a mature, adult relationship with someone else. Of course that works both ways. But most of the time, things are usually gotten rid of etc...

Answer 7

Of course he should get rid of it.....don't 'ask him' to throw it out- just ask him what he plans on doing with it -- that way its not telling him-- and he had best say that you can throw it out!!!
if not -- thats not right.
***I kept my ex's stuff for 20 years - class ring and all- even after I got married -- and- my ex and I are finally back together--- so- the only way you would hold on to something is if you still care about that person----thats why I did..

Answer 8

what kind of stuff is it and how much is there? i don't plan on throwing my old bf memory stuff out when i get married. let him keep it. i get jealous and i'm a phone checker but people deserve some mementos of their past loves. it didn't work out between them for a reason.
if you get the feeling he still thinks about her or has her on some pedestal then make him throw it out.

Answer 9

He needs to be the one to do that. Those memories are part of the person he became for you. When you marry someone, they bring with them past relationships. Remember, he's marrying you, not her. When he's ready to throw them out, he will, don't pressure him.

Answer 10

I don't think it's ok; I think it is a sign of insecurity and an invasion of privacy. Everyone has the right to their past. If someone asked me to get rid of my "memory pile", I would tell him to grow up or get lost.

Answer 11

Listen, just because someone had a life before you came along should mean that they should be required to rewrite history. If someone want to remember in their own way then that part of their life shouldn't be simply tossed out. My Sister made her fiancee throw out his mattress because he had made love with another women in it. How ridiculous is that?