my fiance's x is telling me stuff about him when they were together such as he abused her and everything, but my boyfriend has said she was the abuser. I feel like I should know my fiance by now after being with him for 2 years and he has never done this to me...
2007-05-23 07:06:09 · 45 answers · asked by happybunnyjg 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your fiance x is trying to down grade him. I dont think she wants to see you guys together. You should know him by now since you said you have been with him for two years. Don;t listen to her
2007-05-23 07:09:14 · answer #1 · answered by The_Morbid_One 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Despite what the truth may be or not, what matters most right now is how YOU and HIM relate to each other. Trust your relationship above all. Because basically, it's him you have to live with eventually and not his ex. Even if she is telling you some things that may be true, people do change for the better and sometimes it may be even because you helped bring out the best in him that way. In relationships, you have to trust your partner, because if it turns out she was lying and you let that affect how you view him, your going to lose his confidence. But at least if you always believed him and he turned out to be the liar, then at least you were consistent in being a good partner. Just don't ignore the signs and don't let yourself be abused.
2007-05-23 07:16:06 · answer #2 · answered by mgirl88 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your fiance to tell you what happened in the relationship. If you've been together for 2 years and haven't seen abusive behavior from him toward you or others, it's likely that she's not telling the whole truth. It's good to hear the 'ex's' opinion to keep in mind, but she may be exaggerating the truth or lying to try to dissolve your relationship. Keep your eye out for distructive behavior and stay on your toes incase. Just remember, no matter how much we love someone, abuse is not love. Good luck!
2007-05-23 07:14:51 · answer #3 · answered by Addie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 dont listen to her- she prolly just wants him back
#2 find out more about him from friends and family
#3 do your own research- has he ever been arrested or have a police file?
Even then, who knows...that is something that only time will tell and what would you do if he did abuse you? Maybe you should tell him the consciences if he ever did abuse you. That maybe motivation for him not to. If you still have doubts, why not talk to a marriage counselor about it BEFORE you get married. That way you can start off with a healthy marriage.
2007-05-23 07:13:53 · answer #4 · answered by cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I went through the same thing and I thought I new my bf to when we were together but you know what it is true MEN NEVER CHANGE look at me now I went through alot of emotional abuse for 2 years and finally had enough now I am a single mom with 2 kids my son is 2 and autistic and my daughter is 8 months old.
2007-05-23 07:10:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well she could be just jealous or be trying to save you.
I I would say that with in a 2 yr period he would have done something if he had been doing what he says.
Call her on it, ask her if she called the police or went to the hospital for the abuse. Ask her to get it, she can do that it's not that hard.
If she can't and doesn't produce anything then i wouldn't worry and tell her to go jump in a creek.
2007-05-23 07:10:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would get a second opinion. this girl is not a good source just because she is his ex. this means that she very well could be trying to scare you away so she can reclaim him as her own. try to find someone else that the TWO of you are cool with. as long as he has never hit you I'd believe him over her any day but you always want to make sure so that you don't make the mistake of marring an abusive guy.
2007-05-23 07:10:55 · answer #7 · answered by play hard 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust him. If you've been with him for 2 years and he hasn't yet shown any signs of violence, he's probably ok. Just keep your eyes open. He could be a good actor so look for signs such as possessiveness, anger, pushing, and putting you down. If you see these signs, RUN AWAY!
2007-05-23 07:10:13 · answer #8 · answered by katydid 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been there. When my husband and I were dating, his ex told my friends that he was so abusive and she was sure he was beating me. Well, I am not the kind of woman who will take a beating from any man. One of my friends actually believed her! He was so concerned for me and I said, you know me better than that. Any man who hits me is in for a surprise because I won't go down without a fight.
I called her up and asked her what she thought she was doing. My exact words were " You should be careful sticking your nose in someone else's business. It might end up broken." I never heard from her again.
She is just trying to cause problems for you!
2007-05-23 07:14:45 · answer #9 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read "The Battered Woman" by Lenore Walker (the first and still the best book on the subject).
See if he fits.
He very easily could have abused her, and simply hasn't abused you. Or hasn't abused you yet.
Check his background. Arrests? No long term friends? Alcohol or drug use or excessive use? Fits of anger for no apparent reason?
2007-05-23 07:12:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out more about the lady who is telling you this stuff. Is she with someone else right now? how is her current bf feel about their relationship? Talk to her past boyfriends if you can.
Also if you can, talk to some other past girlfriend of your fiance.
After all that, you will see the truth.
Good luck.
2007-05-23 07:09:57 · answer #11 · answered by Tourang B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋