I have been with this man for 7 years, and we have a four year old daughter together. He is a great father and has done nothing really bad to me, I just don't feel interested anymore. I feel like he won't do anything around the house, he doesn't barely work, he is in University right now and tells me he wants to get a job where he doesn't actually have to work. It work ethic is well below average. He has never for four years, changed our daughters diaper, gave her a bath, or dressed her. I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, car maintanence(he doesn't drive), lawn maintanence, everything. I feel like sinlge mom of two kids! I just feel like it might be easier on our daughter if I get out now instead of when she is older and more attached to him. Any advise would be appreciated.
2007-05-23 06:17:17 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Either get out or get counseling. If he doesn't change then you gotta leave. Frankly - he probably won't. You have made it too easy for him.
2007-05-23 06:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by Moondog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you ask him to do more, or are you enabler, that is, do you just willing to everything, without complaint, and so perhaps he is not aware that you would like assistance? And you also say that he is in college right now, does this take up a lot of his time studying and so forth? College is not easy, and it is necessary if he would like to make a good future for you and your child. He may say he wants a job where he doesn't have to work, but honestly, perhaps he just means where he does not have to work for someone else, after all, there's isn't ANY job that requires NO work. If there is, please, sign me up for that one, lol...
My wife, for instance, does much the same stuff, minus the lawn, car maintence and the like, but I work full time, so she feels useful by doing the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of our two daughters. I have tried to help in these areas, but she tells me that is HER job, and she loves doing these things. Perhaps, if you have done these things for so long, he just feels that you enjoy doing these things.
Have a discussion with him, NOT AN ARGUMENT! If you just come out and call him a lazy person who never helps around the house, he will just get defensive, and he may respond with, "you never ask for any." Sure, perhaps he should be able to just see where to help and jump in when he can, but some people just need a little prodding to know when you need help and when you'd rather just do it yourself. Maybe just make a short list of things that you feel he can do, tell him you are tired, that you need assistance. If he is any kind of many who truly loves you, who perhaps just didn't realize you needed help, he will gladly accept a little responsibility. But keep in mind he is a student as well, that, for him, is a job right now, and takes his time, so it required a little understanding on your part as well.
2007-05-23 13:30:56 · answer #2 · answered by Dark Prince 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, get out! Im sure you have had the: get a job, clean the house, do some laundry talk with him, and he has probably in his mind "doing nothing wrong". Let him know he has to go, it's longer a vacation for him and it's time to go. Yes, it will probably be hard on your daughter for a little while. But that will be better than being in the same relationship going through the same misery for 10 more years and by then Your daughter will know what's going on. Which may or maynot affect her choice in partner and whether she follows her mothers (Yours) actions. I hope you get what I am saying.
Even if you break up for a while, and you take him back, the dude seriously needs to do some major growning up.
2007-05-23 13:30:11 · answer #3 · answered by Lexi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with him first, tell him exactly how you feel, let him know that the future of the relationship depends on how this pans out. Then the two of you come up with CONCRETE ways he can show you that he is a man, that he can take care of business. If he has a hard time with this step, or doesn't cooperate, or he helps make the list but never follows through, then you know it's time to go. I agree, before your daughter gets too much older....now would be the time to go rather than later, so give yourself a decision date...say six months tops....Good Luck.
2007-05-23 13:25:45 · answer #4 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't deal with the things you are right now.But,then again we are two different people.
You have a reason to be the way you are.A household should be equal,and it should be equal for both partners for a relationship to work.
Have you tried speaking with him?Communication?
If you are willing to try once and speak with him about the way you feel and the way how his actions will interfere on HIS life and in the relationship as well,it might help.And,who knows,he might impress you.But,that takes a lot of work.
But,if you are really tired of it,which I really don't blame you,you will do good in your own.Believe me.Just remain strong and don't let anybody tell you anything or let anybody attempt to ruin your life.
After all you are his woman,not his slave.See what's best for you.It may be good to try to work it out.But,it might be best to leave as well,specially that your daughter is young,as you said.Only you can see what's good for you.But whatever you choose,you will be fine regardless.Don't let anybody stress you down.
One thing though,do not let it keep happening.
2007-05-23 13:26:04 · answer #5 · answered by Carol 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is really never a good thing, but sometimes tough decisions have to be made. He needs to step up and be a man by taking some responsibility (which he's not). You have every right to get out if that is what it takes for you to live your life happiest and what you feel will be best for your daughter. Either that or tell him he better step up and work harder or else you're gone.
2007-05-23 13:22:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I would like to say I am very sorry for your situation. I know the type of man that you are dealing with. It is sad that you even have to do car and lawn maintenance. If he isn't any help why is he there???? I say; you know what is best and it sounds like you're ready to leave. Good luck, there are good men out there.
2007-05-23 13:22:00 · answer #7 · answered by recy2cup 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he does sound more like your child than your mate. You have a perfect right to feel you'd be better off minus him. He's merely a heavy load for you to carry. It would not only be easier for your daughter.......but for yourself as well. He definitely needs to accept responsibility for life. And you need to kindly let him know how you feel.
2007-05-23 13:26:45 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut your losses and leave him. He will only make you unhappy in the long run. You will be very surprised at how your life will change for the better when you put your child and yourself first for a change. Good Luck!
2007-05-23 15:31:44 · answer #9 · answered by TABBY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is really focused on school. Maybe give it some more time. Don't give up on him yet. Wait until he completes school. He really needs to grow up though. You need to let him know how you feel. If he doesn't work with you, concerning your feelings, then I'd be mad.
2007-05-23 13:25:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋