Why won't he LET IT GO already?

Question

My boyfriend is insanely jealous of a man that I was with before I met him. I was MADLY in love with him, and he dumped me UGLY after a year together, then had the huevos to marry another woman 5 months later. Now I can't stand to think about him....

My boyfriend says that I still want to be with the other guy, that he is my "second choice" because I couldn;t have the other one, blah blah blah.......he is SO insecure about a man I couln't care LESS about! What the hell is wrong with him?

Answer 1

He needs more cowbell.

Answer 2

Some men have severe jealousy issues. It sometimes stems from low self esteem. Men compare themselves with other men, wondering how they measure up. Like, "Can I satisfy her like that oher guy?" "Was he better looking than me?" "Was he richer?" "Why can't she get her ex out of her head?" and so on and so on. That being said, let me ask you something because in your case, I'm not sure he's acting this way out of low self esteem. You say you are over your ex and perhaps that is true as far as you not wanting to get back together with him. But you are still holding on to the anger of the breakup. That is evident by how you bolded the words, "MADLY" and "UGLY." He had the nerve to marry someone five months after you guys broke up and now you can't stand to think about him. You are still hurt and angry and that's normal. A person can still be angry at an ex-partner and still not wish to be back together with them. First, you need to resolve these feelings. There's some unfinished business here. And your current boyfriend knows it, which is why he thinks you want to be with your ex. He's mistaking your anger for interest. So, resolve the feelings about the other guy first. Meet with him and talk it out if you have to (if that's possible). If not, forgive him in your heart and work on letting it go. It's in the past, where you need to put it completely in order for you to move forward. So, after you do that, then you can continue trying to build and nurture this current relationship. After THAT, if he brings the other guy up and says something like, "I know you want to be with him instead," you can calmly and without emotion say, "Honey, why would I want to do that when I have my little stud muffin sitting right here next to me." He'll see you're not emotionally tied in any way to your ex and will be able to put it in the past, as you have done. Good luck!

Answer 3

Sounds like the last girl I was with. I told her I'll always love my ex-wife in a certain way because she has raised my kids well. I didn't think that was such a hard concept to grasp, but she was so insecure she couldn't comprehend what I was saying. For her it wasn't so much the idea that I appreciated my ex, but rather that she didn't have a monopoly over every square micrometer of my heart. In the end that insecurity finished us off. My advise would be to spend a weekend with me in Corpus Cristi and see if he wants you back when we're done.(whoops, did I say that out loud?)

Answer 4

You talk to any guy abou thow you were MADLY in love with some previous BF who dumped you UGLY and had the stones to marry another girl - and that guy will be jealous as hell. I would. But then I wouldn't listen to much of it. I would be gone too.

Answer 5

well since you did say you were insanely in love with that guy. it kinda leaves a mark in a man's heart that once you have fallen in love so deep it will always be a trace of it in your heart. Don't worry about it just tell him (THAT A HOLE IS NOT WORTH MY LOVE HE FREAKEN DUMP ME AND MARRY ANOTHER IN 5 MONTHS SCREW HIM. YOUR MY BF NOW AND IF YOU TREAT ME RIGHT YOU'LL EARN MY LOVE) in a miler way of cause lol. if you show some form of hate to that other guy it normally gives your current bf a sense of (ok she's not going back to him she hates him) kinda thing.

Answer 6

Sounds like he is very insecure (as you stated) which stems from being very immature. If he is that jealous now, what if you continue to be together and some guy gives you "the look" (which I am sure they do with a pretty lady like you)...Is he going to blow up over that too......Sounds like he needs to grow up, or you need to move on......

Answer 7

Ok, reverse pychology on him. Next time he brings it up ask him if he would like to break up? Tell him your not going to keep dealing with his insecurity. Tell him to get over it or leave.

Look, it sounds harsh but he is an insecure whimp. You you want to be with someone like that it is your business, but shock is the only way to stop it.

I am not jealious of anyone, wanna go out with me? LOL

Take a stand, or your going to have this cry baby whimp for as long as you know him..

Answer 8

For some reason I get the idea that you only add to his jealousy by the way you have spoken of the first man. He knows way too much information, and where did he get it from but you? I think if you love this boyfriend he needs your reassurance, and your silence of the first love.

Answer 9

Just by virtue of how your wrote this, you are still emotionally involved with the guy who dumped you.

You need to be honest with yourself, decide what you want, then be willing to provide your current BF with some sense of security because he obviously sees what I did, OR, you need to walk away and let him find someone that will emotionally connect with him.

Answer 10

What is wrong with you? You do not need a man who "insanely jealous". You need a supportive, grown-up, understanding, and secure man. If he wants to continue with you, you need to lay down the law...tell him how you feel...tell him it is your last conversation about this (and stick to it) and tell him it is over unless he can accept you are telling the truth. You do not need a man who thinks you lie.

Hope this helps.

Answer 11

I think he just loves you. Here's the deal. The thought of you thinking about someone else drives him nuts.

Just let him know, and reassure him that you are thinking about him.

My wife is the best at this.