Prenuptial Agreements...?

Question

A buddy of mine plans to propose to this woman he's been dating for a year. He has some substantial assests and therefore wants her to sign a prenuptial agreement. He asked me what I thought. Well first of all knowing him, he's going to do what he wants regardless of what I tell him. Nevertheless I asked him if he really loved this woman. He said, "yes". So I said, "Well why ruin the romance...?" I think bringing up something as serious as a prenup before (or after) proposing to the woman you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with is inconceivable! You're planning the divorce while she's planning the wedding! Maybe I'm too old fashined and sentimental. But despite the assests I may (or may not) have, I couldn't possibly imagine this scenario. If he's not convinced that she's marrying him because she loves him, then maybe he needs to do a little more "digging" before he pops the question. What do you think?

Answer 1

Coming from one hopeless romantic to another you've pretty well got it sewed up! Your friend should definitely continue to get to know this woman some more (if he really wants to make a go at marriage with her). No one ever knows what the future holds, but marriage is meant to go the distance, (not to the divorce court)! And a prenup seems to be starting your marriage with division (which is NEVER good!) And doesn't the law recognize everything you owned before the marriage as YOURS and everything you and your spouse develop afterwards to be split bewteen the two? I would also suggest to your friend marriage counseling. This would be a great way to do some interacting between the two of them to be able to do some additional "digging" as you put it. lol. Counseling can definitely bring out underlying issues that may be currently dormant (including his questions about her sincerity). I hope everything works out!

Answer 2

Ok, if they are going to marry, then make it about love and not money or assets. If she loves him she will love him for him. Not the coin he has got. I am pessimistic because I went through the divorce process. But peep this. Latest statistic is that 53% of all marriages end in divorce. That is just over half. The odds are against any body having a sussecful marriage. I agree with your friends approach. If she truly loves him. Then it isnt about the money. It is about love. So protect your money.

Also he should have the prenup done more than three months before the wedding so there is no pressure on her and have it reviewed by different parties for both lawyers. That way it can not be voided because of misunderstanding.

Answer 3

If he's worried about a gold-digger, I'd say the relationship needs more time. Some women are just in it for the money, so if she's in a hurry to get married, he should apply the brakes for a year or two. A prenup is ok in theory, but given a choice I think I'd prefer to avoid a bad marriage in the first place than having to dig out a prenup later.

Answer 4

I don't think it's planning for the divorce. There are a number of good reasons to get a prenup even if you are basically broke. It can protect you from having to take on whatever debt they had in the beginning of the relationship. If she suddenly ends up being able to buy and sell him twice, it protects her if she finds out he's been cheating on her and wants out. I think in this day and age if people with a lot of money get married a prenup is just par for the course. My boyfriend has way more money than I do and truthfully I wouldn't be insulted if he asked me to sign it. No I'm not marrying him for his money, didn't find out he had it for a while after we started dating which was him trying to make sure why I was dating him, but I don't want him or his family think that's what I'm after so it's not something I would stress out about.

Answer 5

First of all, what exactly does a pre-nup have to do with "ruining the romance?" You seem to place all the responsibility on the man, that if he wants her to sign the prep-nup, then his love for her must not be strong, but what about her? If she refuses to marry him based on the fact that he would like to protect himself from whatever the future MIGHT bring along, then wouldn't it be her that is lacking in the love department?

Does an individual go out and get life insurance for thier child which is only good until the child is, say, 10 years old, because they are planning on the death of thier child at a young age? Same with car insurance, do you feel you must not appreciate your car all that much if you have to have it insured in case it vanishes, because the money is all that's important to you? In both instances I say no, you are merely preparing for POSSIBILITIES.

In today's society, when the divorce rate probably outnumbers the marriage rate on a daily basis, it means nothing that this man would like to ensure that IF anything were to happen, he is not left at the whims of the courts to decide the future of the assets which he spent his time and money to acquire.

It does not mean he does not love her, or that he is planning on an "inevitable" divorce, he is merely making an adult, mature decision. Now in doing this, he should, however, place an end-date on the decree, that is, to say, after, say, five years, the pre-nup is null and void, because after that amount of time, if perhaps the assets involved a house, for instance, though the woman did not bring it into the relationship, she probably spent alot of time making it her home, and so by that point, perhaps it would be about as equally both of theirs.

If she truly loves him, and she's not marrying him simply because he is "well-off" so-to-speak and can provide her with good things, then the idea of a pre-nup should not seem bothersome to her, simply a matter of protection, and, though this may seem tacky, something to also perhaps keep her from straying, should the idea ever cross her mind during the time of their marriage, as she will have to contemplate the fact that should that marriage end, she will leave with what she came in with.

To sum it up: No, a pre-nup is not a bad idea, depending on what it is his assets are. Some comic book and baseball cards? Not worth it. A house, other property, expensive vehicles, a big boat, stocks and bonds perhaps? Definately, she wasn't involved in the acquisition of these items, why should she have a right to them if things go south with the union?

Answer 6

A person doesn't accumulate a bunch of assets because he (or she) has no practical sense. (Only spoiled children of the super rich would squander.) That person has to listen to his heart and his brain. If he has children of his own or he is the custodian/trustee of family assets, he has the feuducial duty to protect them as you know how far lawyer-sharks will go to earn a buck. A prenup doesn't to have to mean to the other person, just put a limit.

You are telling him to listen to his heart only. But obviously, his brain is talking to him as well.

Everybody gets married with great love in their heart. Still 50% end up in divorce. You can read from the columns here that a woman (since your friend is a man) can just suddenly feel she is no longer in love for reasons many men cannot comprehend. This is beyond your friend's control.

Sure your friend can dig up prior history of the lady. It is useful only if she has divorced a few times. But women feel "unloved" or "falling out of love" after the marriage.

The reason most couples don't have prenups is because they start with nothing and with the intention to build. So that is covered by law as 50/50 anyway.

Answer 7

I agree one hundred% with the guy, there is not any way that i might sign a prenuptial settlement. a marriage is consistent with have confidence and to have those recommendations before even marrying is disgusting, i think of the guy might desire to seek for a good woman no longer somebody who's clearly in touch extra approximately money, which by the type she hasn't labored for - she purely got here approximately to have a wealthy grandfather. She feels like the gold digger.

Answer 8

coming from a womans point of view, I would agree with you. A prenuptial agreement is for people marrying just to marry, Not because they are in love. I am getting married next year and if he asked me to sign a prenup I would probably look at him like he was crazy. It would just be a sign that he is only marrying me because im his only choice. So yes I think he should get a private investigator to check this girl out, hes been with her a year!!! thats not long enough in todays society to know everything about someone. People lie and hurt others to get to where they want to be. Thanks!!!!

Answer 9

we never even thought about prenups..but a little rockiness in our marriage and my husband pops up the word Post Nup.
It made our marriage even more rockier. Not cuz I'm a gold digger, but the thought of my husband planning the divorce made me realize, he wasnt going to try hard to work on our marriage at all.
he should get to know her a little bit more before popping the question.

Answer 10

i do not agree with prenups. sorry but why marry someone if you plan on divorcing them by being so negative as to think of a prenup...get what i am saying here? it justs sets itself up for failure anyway...think of the 40's n the 50's when this stuff did not exist yet the marriages did last! see what i mean here?