Confession I didn't need to hear?

Question

I got married a few weeks ago and my husband tells me something that happened 2 years ago. We had just started dating and he went on a cruise with 4 groups of friends. I couldn't go because I have kids and he got his ticket months before we met each other. Only been together maybe a month! He told me the other day that he met a girl on the ship but only talked, nothing happened! But he said his friends kelp asking him if he slept with her and her friends had a bet on who was going to get laid first. They told there friends they did sleep with each other. he said he wanted to look good and build himself up to his friends, but it has eaten at him since. I asked him why he said he did if he didn't. I also asked why he felt he needed to tell me this! He said because he didn't want anything to come out and it would look bad if something was said and it not have come from him... I know in my heart he didn't sleep with her but having a hard time with him lieing to the friends,I look stupid...

I want to thank all for answering this question! I know my husbands heart and I know without a shadow of a doubt he is being honest with me. He said it was stupid thing to lie about. These so called friends are not part of our life due to other issues that have happened over the past year. They were not loyal friends to him when he needed his friends. And because he didn't want to chance the lie being broodcasted to me he felt it would be better for me to know the truth from him. The chance of me hearing this from the ex friends are very slim due to the fact we don't speak or every see them.. There is one person in this group that would love nothing better than to spread this news to me, she is a member of my family and so very vendective and hateful. But I can honestly say that the people that was on the cruise wouldn't breath a word. Just this one person that I will never speck to again would dive at the chance to beat me down, it's going to be very hard to pick best answer. TY all .

Answer 1

I can understand why your husband had a need to tell you this info seeing there is someone out there that would use the info to hurt you. This happened two years ago and you should let it go. Seeing that you do not speak to these people and no chance of you finding out from someone else tells me he just wanted to come clean with something he shouldn't have said. Men like to feel moncho about silly things and I'm sure he regrets showing off in a immature way. I think he is telling you the truth and your not stupid either. If by chance it does come up later on down the road, just respond with >>> yeah he told me about that and drop it. This way your husband isn't embarrassed by looking bad to these people. And I'm sure he will be forever thanking you for not ratting him out. You know the truth and that's all that matters. Your married to him now and remember>>> Let no man come between us!!! Good luck and congrats on your marriage

Answer 2

Sometimes people tell things because they really need to get them off of their chest and they really don't think about how it will make the other person feel.

It sounds like your husband is being honest and up front with you and truly does not want you to get side swiped later down the road when and if something is said about the incident later.

This way if something is said you can just smile and say "yeah, he told me about the bet." then leave it at that. With that one statement you let them know that he tells you what is and has gone on in his life, you don't keep secrets from each other and that you now trust him implicitly.

He did not say it to make you look stupid but think of how you would look when you got the deer in the headlights look if you had not known.

My only advice is accept his confession, if you want reassurance then ask him if there is anything more to the story and when he says that there is not, believe him and let it go and move on.

He is married to you, it was years ago and he loves you.

We do not all make the best decisions in certain situations as I am sure you have your share of things that you wish you could take back if you could.

Answer 3

I had to read this story a few times before it became clear that you're trying to ask a question while defending his behavior at the same time. You're a true, loyal wife and he's a lucky man. His story might be true, but the fact that u asked this question means u know something is going on that u can't quite identify. U said that "he wanted to build himself up to his friends, but it has eaten at him since" Do u realize what an arrogant, inconsiderate response he gave u? If it's been eating at him since he would confess TO HIS FRIENDS that he didn't do anything with this woman. Instead, he chose to only tell u. He told u something u didn't know before, yet his friends still think he was with this woman, and that's the way he wants it. He's managed to look like a stud in front of his friends and insult u at the same time. That's what should be eating at him, nothing else. You should ask yourself why he chose to tell u now after 2 years. Did he get in a fight with a friend who threatened to tell u the truth and that's when he came up with this story? U say that u know in your heart he didn't do anything...what does your common sense tell u? And what would he think if u had a similar story to tell him..."Just before we were married I just talked to this guy but I told my girlfriends I slept with him because we had a bet" I'm sure he'd feel like a king then.

Answer 4

If the two of you had been together a month at the time of this then I say its no biggie ( even IF he slept with her). A month isnt a commited relationship in any world. Basically, either he slept with her, felt guilty ( or not ) and is clearing the air in case it comes out later OR it is exactly as he says. If he doesnt or hasnt lied about other stuff to you, then I would just chalk it up to a guy trying to impress his friends. This is all during MONTH 1 though. IF he still lies to impress them now that he is married or puts you second to his friends or starts dropping other "bombs", then maybe you have a problem. I wouldnt feel stupid though about something that happened at that time. congrats.

Answer 5

I would not let his friends bother you about this. At that time you had barely started seeing each other. What matters is now and he loves you and he married you. If the friends would ever bring something up about this and that he had done something with this nobody they wouldn't be considered friends to me or your husband. Let the friends think what they want and probably they don't even think about it at all. Everyone has moved on and they know you both are committed ....and good friends would never think you were stupid because of something that he claimed to them that he did! If they are decent friends they would probably look at him strangely if anything.....because after two years they know you and more than likely they like you alot. You are a part of him now and they know that. Just be happy with your husband and be thankfull that he came forward and was honest to you about it. Even though he never had to tell you he did because he loves you enough to realize that he would never want to lose you. Let it go and enjoy your life together and don't ever go there on the subject with any one of the friends. It is not necessary for it to ever come up again. best wishes on sharing the rest of your lives together sweetie.

Answer 6

I suggest you don't give that another thought.
Men are made in strange ways and will never understand what upset the women.
I'd think it is better he cleared it up with you. That way, you will be confident you do know what truly happened. Friends can be nasty as I have witnessed.
They go to great lengths at breaking up a relationship if they are jealous or just for fun.

So just enjoy the newly wedded bliss. Do not spoil your life and be disturbed with something that did not happen. At least he did not lie to you. He was just 'showing off ' to friends. May not be good. But it is past. Do not spoil the present and future.

Answer 7

No, you *feel* stupid, no one else knows this but you and him, so you can't *look* stupid to anyone.

Your partner picked a stupid time to tell you something to make you worried and insecure. And something that's just silly all around, to boot! Everyone lies to their friends to try to be more cool, more popular, etc. It was a dumb move on his part way back when.

I'm betting that it came up at like the bachelor party or something "remember that girl you slept with on the cruise, did you ever tell Kate that?" and now he's afraid that his lie will come back to haunt you both. So he shared to get it clear out of the air.

At least he shared it before someone opened up their mouth with the fib?

Answer 8

You are now sharing your bed with a sensitive, caring man. He wants to clear the air, and although it may affect you differently, it is gossip. As in when some women gossip, they have to, or it will drive them to distraction, and they can't function.
On the cruise, his thoughts were always of you, and the lying, and the good time he was having. He is sorting all this through right now. Be patient and gentle, the perfect lifetime bedroom partner. He isn't saying anything to hurt you, although it is an intimate setting, and you expect all praise and love. His is an admission of temptation, and he was having a good time, and lied to avoid a confrontation on a cruise, with his friends. He also wasn't on enough solid ground with you, to bring up your name as a defense. Let him have his sentimental moments, and hug him and thank him for thinking of you above all others, especially in the beginning. It is a sign you were meant for him. Twenty years from now, you will be surprised how you will remember his tender love, and his admissions of loyalty to you above all his friends, even in the early months.

Answer 9

I think that your new husband needs to get over it. If his friends bring it up he can joke around and say no we were just kidding, we didn't sleep together, but I think he is thinking about it too much, maybe he is worried that his friends will bring it up and maybe he did sleep with this woman and doesn't want to start anything between the 2 of you. You were only dating a month when this happened, so I would get over it.

Answer 10

I am sure a lot of people would do the same. Build thier image and stuff. You married him because you love him and trust him. I would just let it go. I know it is hard, but no use getting worked up about. Besides, who hasn't fibbed to look good infront of others? Be grateful he came clean with you. It is better to hear the truth from him now, than the lies from his friends later down the road.