Train Him Well (My Husband)?

Question

How do I get my husband to understand that I WILL NOT do all the house work. I work 52 hrs a week (I also work Sat) from 9-6pm He gets home from work at 2pm sometimes 12pm and will not do any house work and when he does do some house work he throws it in my face about how I not doing my duty as a WOMAN. (P.s He does do SOME house work) But how do I make him understand chores are the last thing in my mind when I come home from a stressful day at work? Any suggestions???

P.S. I didnt mention that we have only been married for 3 yrs and for a year I was not working So yeah all the house work was done. I think he was spoiled hahaa

Answer 1

Hire a maid service to come in once a week and split the bill. It shouldn't be too hard to keep up with the daily maintenance. He is wrong but will never admit it. Handle this situation and don't bother arguing about something you can't change.

Answer 2

You just have to re-define what is housework and when should it be done. Let certain things pile up till the weekend. Buy a dishwasher. Prepare large portions so there is plenty of leftover or good enough for 2-3 days.

Shrug your shoulder and just say that's the way it is. Most working couples have to do this. If you can afford it, hire someone to clean once every week or every month. Just simply learn to look at a "messy house" and accept that as a fact of life. If he can't accept that, you have a battle for the rest of your life.

BTW, you are only working regular hours for 6 days a week (52 hrs). These days, many professionals work 10-11 hrs a day regularly. That's the norm in the American workplace.

Answer 3

You both need to sit down and make a chore list. Stay firm about it. Don't let it slip once or he will just keep letting go. You have to make it known that you both work outside the house and so he has to help inside the house also. And when he brings up that crap about not doing your duty as a woman , tell him to can it. That you would have time to your duty as a woman if you didn't have to do what he said he would do. If he wants his back scratched , he has to be willing to scratch yours as well. Be strong , be firm. Good luck. It's not easy and it won't happen over night. Try and be positive when he does do something. They are like kids, they need to be reassured. Even though they don't thank you every time you do something for them , because that would probably be always, they do expect you to notice when they do something no matter how small it may be. Try it and see what happens.

Answer 4

Speaking from experience on this one. The first three years of my marriage were good, but stressful. It's a big adjustment for anyone. You as the wife take on and were glad, maybe somewhat egar to do as much and take on as much around the house as you can and yes, men do get used to that. But as the marriage went on and I started putting in more hours than him, some of the house chores I had to put on the back burner and get to them when I could. We didn't live like pigs mind you, but if I didn't get to a load of laundry when I normally would, to me it was no big deal. So one day I came home from a very stressful day at work, had gone by the grocery store, put the food away, and started preparing dinner. Keep in mind I haven't sat down since I walked through the door going on 2hrs later, and my husband comes in the kitchen and says, Hon, I don't have any more clean underwear. They're all dirty, when are you going to do the laundry? I turned off the stove, wiped the sweat from my face ( because our air condition was broken) and said okay sweetie, which thing do you want me to do first. Do you want to eat or do you want the laundry done? I'm only one person with two hands. He looked at me and said he would like for both things to be done. I said ok. I took him by the hand to the laundry room. Showed him the detergent, told him how to work the machine, and how much detergent to put in it. I smiled and said that I have a lot on my plate right now and that we are a team. And a team works together and right now I need some help from the team. He kissed me and said sorry, he didn't realize how much stress I was under and that he'd be glad to help. Then I went back to making dinner for the two of us.

Now, I know as well as anyone that not all men are going to do that. But talking to them, telling them that you are a team and that you do need their help, makes them feel important and wanted. Every man I know likes to feel that their woman needs them.

So my advice is just to talk to him honestly. Sometimes men don't realize what all we take on and that we need some help.
Good luck to you and let us know what happens.

Answer 5

Two words: Divorce papers.

You're supposed to be a team and that means BOTH do housework. If he expects you to fulfill a duty simply because you're the "woman" of the house, then you need to decide if this is a marriage you even want to be in. If my fiance gave me crap like that, he'd be out the door.

I suck at doing chores but I at least attempt to keep my place clean and focus on the areas I use more often.

Answer 6

Don't do the chores. He probably doesn't care about doing them because he doesn't care if they get done. My husband is like that. If you can;t stand for them to get done then do them and don't complain.
OR Get a part time job, then you will have time for what he feels are your duties as a wife.
OR You should have plenty of money, you both work full time. Hire a maid or take part of the chores off your list. Go to a dry cleaners for example.

Answer 7

There is a reason why he is being this way...either he feels unappreciated and not loved (something is missing). IMO if you want to make this work then you need to talk to him (not in compalining and nagging mode) and ask him what is wrong...? Also you claim he does "some" work....do you show him appreciation for it? Just because you work a lot of hours exhaustion isn't an "excuse" or "good reason" to have your husband help you out at home. your husband has to show motiviation to help you at home. FACT:
You chose your job, you know you have a husband and things to tend to at home...your JOB is not the first thing as a priority...your husband is. Your home...yes you need finances but know that w/ out him (as him for you) wouldn't have someone to come home to, have emotional support and love...you have to give love, understanding, emotion in order to receive...
When you leave work...leave work at work...exaustion and all...come home and don't COMPLAIN....
If you feel your working to much tell him and see how you can work it out...
There is a website...www.drlaura.com she has a book about feeding /understanding husbands...
Read it...it's great! Will help you understand your husband a lot more.

Answer 8

I've been through this before...lol It changes for the better alot when his clothes AREN'T washed, his supper ISN'T cooked and he AIN'T getting any....Sometimes you have to fight back the good ole woman's way. Your duties as a woman are only 50/50 when you both work. He gets off sometimes earlier, he can pick up some of the load. Sounds like he wants a maid. Tell him to hire one. Ask him what his duties are???? Good luck.

Answer 9

You have to tell him that you are the immediate bread winner in the house, that you either make more money, or the fact you work more hours. But you need to make him understand that problems go wrong in a marriage when the wife is not happy, all men know that. My pastor (father in law) taol my husband and i the day we got married, An unhappy wife, is an unhappy life!

Answer 10

"Duty as a woman" my hiney. Seriously. Caveman days are in the past.

Let him know that a marriage is a partnership, not a slave-trade. If he wants a house kept, he needs to do his share of things. Negotiate who does what, and stick to it. If he wants to be passive aggressive and let the dishes pile up to the ceiling, just throw them all away, use paper and assign him another chore instead. He'll figure it out eventually, that you're not his mother.