My ex who I share a daughter isnt letting me see my daughter due to my new relationship...?

Question

We were high school sweethearts and were together about 7 years. Things weren't exactly picture perfect the whole time we were together. But we both knew we growing further apart by the day. We'll now that we finally moved on. I left the relationship definetly wanting to get back into another one. Well, now that I am in one and she isn't but from what I see and hear, enjoying her single life. She isn't letting me see my daughter. I pay her monthly support under the table. I applied to put myself on child support and awaitng the court date. But yet, she tells everyone that I never want to see my daughter. And how I'm a dead beat Dad. Which isn't the case. What can I do once the court date arrives for child support? How can I use this childish behavior to my advantage?

Answer 1

Document everything you buy by keeping reciepts and notations of everything. Any money you pay to her start either a receipt book or pay her in checks so if she tries to say she never got it you can pull bank statements with check copies. Also you can record your phone conversations as well, some say it can't be used in court but if celebrities can do it i say so can you. Keep all the evidence and never lose your temper with her no matter what that way if you're in public or recording the phone conversation there's no one to lie to say you're instigating a fight or something.
You almost have to become a detective when handling this so just remember keep documentation of everything and start recording her too.

Answer 2

Well, you shouldn't have been paying her under the table, because now if the court grants her child support none of that money you paid her will go towards that (which it would have). I am suprised your lawyer hasn't pointed that out to you. They can even grant back child support for the time you have been separated in some states and that money would have gone towards that. Hopefully you have records of the money you paid her so that you can prove you have been paying. The other issue is you can't claim that child support paid on your taxes and she won't have to either.

I would call your lawyer and tell him she is refusing to let you have visitation and see if you can't get an emergency hearing on custody and visitation. It is illeagal for her to prevent you from seeing your child, that will be addressed in your court case and if she violates a judges order she will be in a lot of trouble.

As for using her childish behavior to your advantage, you need to remember that you will have to deal with this woman for the rest of your life...you have a child together and that is something you can't get rid of no matter how hard you try. It doesn't exactly sound as if she has moved on or she wouldn't be so vindictive.

I would let the rumors she is trying to spread roll off your back. She is just trying to damage your reputation, your true friends will know she is full of crap. If people ask you about it say to them that you are trying to take care of your child in an appropriate manner and your ex-wife is making that difficut but it is a personal matter that you and your lawyer will address.

Good luck...I am sorry you have to go thru this. Divorce sucks!

Answer 3

I hope you have documented all the money you have given her because if there is no proof you could be stuck with a very large unfair bill for back child support. She could say, "Oh, I thought it was a gift." and if there is no proof otherwise, that could suck for you. Courts see childish behavior like this all the time, just tell them what she has been doing, maybe document your contact, or attempts thereof, with your daughter. It would be a good idea to work out an official parenting plan with the courts because right now she's in control and sounds like she's abusing it. She may be a little jealous to see you with someone else now, even if she doesn't necessarily want you back. Just be calm about everything. Good luck!

Answer 4

Document EVERYTHING. You shouldn't be paying stuff under the table, because now there is no record. If you paid her by check, go get copies of all the checks from your bank. Unless you have some way to prove the childish behavior, then you are in trouble. The courts want documentation and evidence. If you have joint or shared custody, then call the police every time she doesn't let you see your daughter. That will document that you are trying to see her. As for her behavior, if you have voice mails, letters, or anything like that from her, save them all. If its just your word against hers, the courts are most likely going to side with the mother. Unless her behavior in court is horrible. Good luck! Women can be so evil at times.

Answer 5

why are you paying child support... i hope you realize that all of the money you have given your ex under the table is going to be considered a "gift" by the court... i know, you're trying to help your daughter, which is a good thing... just wanted you to know the court probably will not take the monies you've given your ex into consideration when it comes to a child support order.

You said you left the relationship "definitely wanting to get back into another one..." and i hope you took the time to readjust to life, grieve and HEAL before jumping into a new relationship -- if not, you don't really have much to GIVE to this new one....

It's not actually legal for your ex to deny you visitation. i would venture to think you have rights. Your ex isn't allowing you to see your daughter because she is bitter and jealous. from personal experience, i'll tell you that it's emotionally detrimental to children of parents who deny them visitation with their father/mother. You will have to bring up visitation on your court date, and make a PLAN. I think you'd be best retaining the services of an attorney.

You can use your wife's childish behavior to your advantage by acting like an adult with common sense on your court date. Calmly ask for the things you would like when it comes to visitation and the child support. Act like a man... don't let your ex get under your skin or cause you emotional upset. the judge will take your demeanor into consideration and will appreciate and respect you much more if you act respectable.

i know things will work out in the end for you. i'm sorry to hear you can't see your daughter right now, but i'm sure that this will all be worked out in court.

take care of yourself.

Answer 6

Once in court the Judge will order child support and give you visitation rights which will be spelled out in the final decree and if she fails to obey the decree she can be held in contempt of court and possibly punished for it. But til the court date and since there probably arent any official seperation papers spelling out any child visits, there is not much legally you can do, sorry. But get everything spelled out in court so itll be put on the final decree. Also child custody and support are the only 2 areas that can be brought back into court after the final divorce decree is filed so keep that in mind just in case.

Answer 7

Keep asking to see your daughter and document it every time so when yiou go to court she cant say you didnt ask. Keep paying your child support until you go to court so that looks good and dont worry she cant stop you from seeing yoiur daughter, But she probably will still try to cause you trouble some people never move on. And remember about your new girlfriend this will not be easy on her with an ex like that. Dont let your ex control your new relationship

Answer 8

I suggest you find an attorney to get a court order for everything. She can not keep you from seeing your daughter, even if you were never married. Yes it will mean that child support will be spelled out, and depending on the state will depend on the % you will have to pay. Try and rest in the knowledge that whatever happens your daughter will know in the end what happened.

Answer 9

I do hope you can document all support payments, and proof that they were accepted by her as support payments. You should have gone through the court immediately. The payments you have made may be considered anything, even a gift, if she won't agree they were support. And you may owe back support. When in court for the support, also get a court order for a visitation schedule. Good luck

Answer 10

forget the child support court date. take her to court for custody. if they say something about support, say that you have agreed on x amount of dollars per month and that has been what you were paying. you may have to wait a couple of months because i doubt your ex is going to agree that this is what you were paying, so you are going to have to get proof by sending checks, making copies and showing when they cleared. at this point that may not even work, you might end up having to pay more, but at least at the end of it all you will get to see your daughter. and she is worth the extra money. to be honest i don't think the fact that you aren't able to see her because of your new relationship is going to make a difference. it's just the fact that you aren't able to see her, period, and you are already supporting her. that is not fair and that is what the court will see.