I know everyone wants an answer to this one. I've been told by my therapist that the rule of thumb is 2 years for every year together...is this really how long it takes. I have no problems dating, but no one gets to me the way he does.
2007-05-23 04:33:40 · 7 answers · asked by go1den1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Forget the rule of thumb because what if youve been married 20 years or more? Everyone has their own way to deal with the pain and grief and time is different with everybody so there is no good way to tell how long itll take. I cantell you tha the more you think about it the longer itll take. With each passing day the pain will decrease until the time comes you can move on. What Ive come to see usually 1 to 2 years after a divorce, most people feel comfortable enough and ready to handle the stress of re-entring the dating scene again. Divorce is change and change, although sometimes good, is never easy to anyone so its never easy or quick to adapt to the change especially a change as big as divorce. Your last sentence tellsme that youre not totally over him yet and tha youre on the rebound, and this feeling will still come into play. You maybe also trying to force the loss of the feelings by dating which is both good and bad. Until you can really deal with those feelings and put them where they belong, youll never be able to enter into a meaningful relationship. There is no sure cure for what ails you here (other than keep your mind busy on other things) and only you can know for sure when youre "ready". Good luck
2007-05-23 04:52:49 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon...
it's going to take time to grieve and heal. it always does.. you have big adjustments to make.
i think that it's healthy to become involved and do things for YOU right now... you can join a gym, take an art class (whatever interests you). try a hobby... discover yourself! this way, you will be productive in your spare time, and it might take your mind off things...
spend time with family and friends... get OUT and go to dinner with a friend, or shopping, etc. meet new people if possible.
i was in therapy after my divorce, and i was told that it takes the average person one or two years to move on... right now, you don't have anything to give to another relationship, and life should be all about YOU....
i think that casual dating is fine.. but becoming seriously involved with someone else right now would be a Rebound Relationship, and those never seem to work out.
take care of you. you deserve the best life has to give!
2007-05-23 11:43:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will get over him when you get over him. There is no "right" time, no rules. When you are meant to meet someone else, it will happen. Just find yourself, become an independent woman. Read, go on a vacation, who cares if you eat in your room, or on a beach, sometimes the best way to meet men is to be alone! No competition!
2007-05-23 11:45:16 · answer #3 · answered by lee911 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that 2 yrs thing is a bunch of crap . I was over mine the minute he beat me and put me in the hospital and I still have nightmares from him beating me !!! you will find someone that gets you and understands you . You just have to give it time date and have fun and stop thinking of that loser . He is an ex for a reason . good luck .
2007-05-23 11:41:29 · answer #4 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on you. I was over my ex by the time the ink dried on the divorce papers and I have never looked back. We are still friends...because we have kids together but I have no other feelings for him
2007-05-23 12:19:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is why he is the one you married. but don't worry, there is someone out there who will make you feel better than he did. you just have to wait for him to come around.
2007-05-23 11:56:18 · answer #6 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how would you ever find someone new with that rule?
2007-05-23 11:41:20 · answer #7 · answered by mariadunloe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋