My mother wants me to tell my pregnant sister-in-law that her baby name choice is a poor one - help?

Question

My Mom is very forceful and assertive, high-powered career, etc. She's a great person but definitely feels like she has a claim on everything her kids do. She won't tell my brother herself that she dislikes the current name choice (Zoe) for the baby girl they expect.
I think telling a person you think their baby-name choice is ugly is one of the most insulting things you could say to expectant parents. Not to mention it's absolutely not her place to determine the child's name.

Should I pretend I did it? If I do that my mom may be angry when they use that name despite her opinon. Should I actually think of some way to express what my mom thinks (that it's too trendy) by saying something like "oh, I've heard that name a lot," or something?

I know you'll say I should stand up to my Mom. Trust me, that's impossible and would start World War Three. Please believe me, that particular advice isn't useful (sorry) in this specific situation. :) Any help is appreciated!

wow, I'm so impressed with all these answers so quickly! I think it's true that I should tell my brother in a commiserating way, like "oh gosh, you won't believe Mom, she actually thinks she should have a say," or something like that.

I don't want to stir up trouble with my sister-in-law. I'd rather be direct with my brother. And my Mom really should stay out.

Answer 1

If she is so assertive, she should be able to express her opinion to your brother herself.
You don't have to start "World War Three", just simply tell her you don't want to be involved. It's unfair of her to put you in that position. You don't have to get into it, just keep it simple. Easier said than done, I know, but you've got to start somewhere!

Answer 2

When I was expecting my kids my mom was not real fond of some of the names I choose. It did not hurt my feelings, I just let it go in one ear and out the other.

Maybe it is not what you say but how you say it. Rather than saying wow Mom hates the name you choose. You could rephrase it in a nicer way. If it comes up, say something like "I am sure that is not the name mom would choose good thing she got to name us and not our kids" or something like that. Another way might be to have mom create a name list and give it to your brother "Grandmas Choices". The list is full of mom's ideas and I am sure it will not include Zoe!

Answer 3

The name choice for a baby should be the parents' choice. No matter how forceful your Mom is, it's not up to your Mom to name the baby. Sure, you all could suggest a name, however, the final decision is up to the parents. Period.

No, you should NOT pretend you did. What you could do is advise your sister-in-law that your Mom is not crazy for the chosen name and that she would prefer another name. If the parents feel that a name change is appropriate, fine, if not, too bad. You did your part and that's as far as you can go.

Answer 4

I would leave it alone. I didn't like my grandaughters name either, but it wasn't up to me. When they first told me, I laughed. I thought they were kidding. THey weren't.

I never told anyone what my child's name was until it was born. When you've already named the baby, there's not much anyone can do.

People have different opinions and whoever is having this child is the most important opinion, not grandma.

I truly do not like my grandaughter's name, but it is none of my business and I would never try to make my son or his wife change their mind. They obviously like the name or they wouldn't have named her that.

It's a very popular name that I thought would grow on me, but it hasn't. I just have to remember that I'm only a grandparent. Their parents made her and their parents have the right to name her whatever they want.

If someone had tried to tell me that I should name my child something else, I would've been very ticked off.

Answer 5

Zoe is a perfectly nice name. Your mom should butt out and keep her opinion to herself on this one, and you should tell her that (tell her also that you, in fact, like the name, so that she doesn't think you're on her side). My mother wasn't crazy about what we named our daughter either (although she had the good sense not to tell me). But when she was born and developed a close relationship with my mother, she eventually learned to love the name.

Trust me -- it won't start World War III, because no one will support your mom if she decides to hold the name of your niece against her, her parents, or you.

Answer 6

If she doesn't like it, that's her problem. However, I strongly disagree with your point about how "telling a person you think their baby-name choice is ugly is one of the most insulting things you could say to the expectant parents." No offense, but sometimes parents NEED to be told that their name choices are utterly horrific, if only for the sake of the poor child. Now, Zoe is by no means a bad name, but think of all the knocked up sixteen-year-olds trying to name their babies Sparkle Passion or whatever. Sometimes, expectant parents need to be told the brutal truth.

Answer 7

Tell your mom to say something. It's not your place to say.. I would just stay out of it and tell your mom that you're not having a part in it. And IF it starts WWIII then it does... but your brother and sister inlaw are going to name their baby what they want regardless of what other people think. NO ONE like the name I picked for my son, but I didn't care. It's my baby, I made him, I carried him, I gave birth to him and he's getting the name I pick. Don't be scared of your mother. She'll get over it sooner or later! Good Luck@

Answer 8

Zoe is a nice name in my opinion, but maybe not so nice in another person's opinion.
Your brother and sister in law obviously love the name - (my mom is the same way) I would tell my mom "it's their child, it's their decision" plain and simple. Don't say it rude but I wouldn't mention it to your brother because it's going to be in the back of his mind and it will bring him down whether he admits it or not. To not have a parent behind a decision, plainly sucks. I would definitely just tell your mom to let them be. I guarantee that when the little one meets the world and they name her Zoe, your mom will fall in love with her and she'll be honest with herself and admit (maybe only to herself) that she looks like a Zoe. Perspectives change when the baby arrives.

Good luck :)

Answer 9

Trust me, you CAN stand up to your mom. Some of my options below are ways to tell her; others are not.

Don't lie and say you did it; you can always say you forgot. That's passive-agressive.

You can tell mom "it's not my right to tell my brother what to name his baby".

You can tell your brother "It really bothers me that mom wants me to tell you that your baby name choice is ugly. It's her opinion and my opinion is that the choice is YOURS and I'll like any name you choose." Then you can tell your mom honestly that you passed on her opinion. Keep in mind, he's your brother and he also knows what your mother is like.

You can tell your mother, "why would you want me to insult my brother by telling him their choice of baby name is ugly? I love my brother and don't wish to insult him."

If you like the name they've chosen, you can honestly tell your mother this. You can also tell your brother this if it's your opinion, and, if you wish, you can add that mom's pressuring you to tell him he should choose a different name because SHE doesn't like his choice.

You can research the name Zoe and find famous and successful people named Zoe and every time mom pushes, tell her about some of these people. Like Zoe is the name of a hip botique in Princeton, NJ. It's also the name of a Development Firm and a Food Manufacturer and a well known Restaurant. It's unique and special. It's currently a very popular name. Zoe means "life".

It will also encourage the baby to be a truly unique person to live up to her name.

Answer 10

Why don't you tell your brother and sisinlaw that mom doesn't like the name and that she tried to use you as a pawn!
Also, don't forget to tell Mom that you like the name Zoe. I personally think that it is a beautiful name and is not too trendy at all. I would have loved to have that name.

anyways WWIII is inevitable so just steer clear.
Don't forget to tell "mom" that it isn't your job to voice her opinions, either, and that if she wants to tell them what she really thinks, she can do it in person or on the phone.
She should do it herself!

Answer 11

I understand that you said standing up to your mom will start WW III...my husband's family is worse than your mom sounds....HOWEVER...You should NOT do what you mother is asking. If SHE doesn't like the name then SHE can voice HER opinion. It's not YOUR place, and it'll put you in the middle of your mother and your brother and his pregnant hormonal wife. Not a good place to be.

Do not lie to your mother either...she'll find out and THAT will cause WW III.

You're going to have to stand up to your mother eventually or you will feel the way you feel right now for the rest of your life. She will do the same things to you that she is doing to your brother and sister-in-law. Do you want you mother to name your kids too? Stand up to her...no matter how hard it's going to be.

Good luck!

P.S. Zoie is a beautiful name.