My marriage is in trouble, Help....?

Question

My husband and I have only been married for 2 years(with 2 kids)the only thing we do is argue all the time. 2 days ago we argued and I packed my things to go but ended up not going. I was thinking " I love this man, and I could not live without him". Today we argued again and I cried like I always do. I can not take the rollercoaster emotions this marriage is giving me, even though I love this man, what should I do? Is this normal?Is this is what marriage all about? Maybe we are not ready for this (young married couple) Help..

Answer 1

Every marriage hits high points (smiles/hello’s/I love you’s – everything great), and low points (arguing, bickering, not speaking, separate beds).

The biggest problem is lack of communication. You expect things one way, he expects those same things another way. You both cannot have it your own way and both be happy. You need to come to a compromise – a middle agreement. You give a little and take a little. He does the same. You don’t get everything your way – only 1/2 of it.

You need to communicate and get everything out in the open, even though it will hurt you both, once you start venting your hidden frustrations. Once the problems and issues are on the surface, it is now a level playing field. Come to an agreement to first address all of the issues and write them down in a list. Next, discuss each one individually and come to a mutual compromise (you must both be happy with the agreed compromise). ALSO!!!! You have to set guidelines for the discussion – no yelling, screaming, silent treatment, walking out, name calling, be-littling, childish stuff, etc.) Your adults, so act like adults.

How to do it – 3 ways:

1> Do it yourselves (recommended). Go out and have a relaxing meal with the understanding that no problems are to be discussed during dinner. Enjoy the meal. Go home (kids away for the night – this will take a while) and start making compromises.

2> Get a mediator. Find someone (friend/relative) you both like and trust and who will be honest and impartial. They need to be trusted to hear your personal issues, as they will know everything. This person will not reveal your issues to anyone (not either of you two unless both are present). It like a marriage councilor without the high price tag.

3> Seek a professional marriage councilor. You can tell them anything and everything and they will be the impartial mediator, for a hefty price.

Marriage is a life-long job. You actually have to work at it full time. You have to give and take and communicate. If you are both unwilling to do all three together, your doomed. Without knowing the specifics, it’s hard to give solid advice.

Before you call it quits, try all three before you sign the divorce papers. If it’s that bad, how much more could you possibly stand to lose by trying?

Best of luck :)

Answer 2

First of all you guys need to take time for the two of you. Not with the family nor with the kids. Seems as if you guys having been moving quit fast which sometimes develops problems within the marriage. He may feel a little threatened by the kids. Meaning he's not getting the attention as he did before also he maybe a little overwhlemed b/c of family life happening to fast. Take a vacation or a few days together without the kids to enjoy one another. You can respark the thing that got you together. If you don't i'm sure you will be through with the fighting in just a matter of time. You need to continue to take this time alone with each other too. Don't end it here. You will be together and can work the issues out when stress of job and family life are pressuring you.

Answer 3

I feel for you sweetie - stress and life can certainly take it's toll on a young couple with young children. Please give yourselves a break from the fighting about all the little stuff - it is NOT important that the laundry is piling up and that dinner burnt because your really not the best cook and that he's always leaving the toilet seat up. What is important is that you have two children counting on both of you to show them how to grow and live a wonderful life full of experiences.

You know you love this man - so when you have even the smallest opportunity - look him in the eye, tell him you love him, say I know we are having difficulty right now, but if we were not together to work on it together, I would be lost.

Mean what you say, the next time a agruement begins to arrise - recognize that tempers are flaring - ralize that your raising your voices at each other - the one person who you swore to respect and cherish 7 I know it's hard - but make sure you NEVER say something mean that cannot be taken back.

Try counseling, even if you start by going yourself just to have some kind of support to vent your own frusterations and learn how to cope with things. Two years is a very short time, but right now life is hard for so many people. Your not alone!

If you want to vent and maybe get some advice - email me - till then - your in my prayers!

Answer 4

It sounds like you need some down time. Just the two of you, if nothing else, spend a night on the couch, reconnecting. Once the kids are asleep. You can have a cheap, romantic night, without leaving the house. Make some popcorn, put on a favorite DVD, cuddle, reconnect and remember why you married him and love him. Give it some time. You both sound like you have some communication issues. Determine the problems, make compromises (that is what marriage is all about) and FOLLOW through with them! Good Luck to you, and hang in there!

Answer 5

This story sounds just like my friends, she's been married 2 years and they have one baby and they argue every single day. So they have tried a trial separation and so far it has helped them to see things in a different light. They are also going to start going to counseling.

Have you both considered material counseling? Its pretty normal to have arguments in a marriage and the first 3 years of marriage are the hardest, if you can get through those then you guys will be fine. God Bless~

Answer 6

No its not normal and bad for the kids. I truly believe in just the couple getting away for a little while if you can. Time away for a long weekend or something without the kids. So the two of you can rekindle the flame. Its tough with kids but every married couple need to find alone time and not just in the bedroom. You will get to know each other again. When the arguing starts just leave the room and take a walk outside. No matter how hard it is "leave". He will see you are fed up with it.

Answer 7

No, it is not normal to argue like that. Marriages have ups and downs but it sounds like you are having more bad times than good. If you love you husband you guys should try counseling. it can help. If things don't get better maybe it is time to move on. You said you were young, do you want to waste years of your life arguing and being sad? Do you really love your husband or do you love the idea of being married? having a family?

Answer 8

I do not declare to comprehend the issues you're going via considering the fact that I'm nonetheless younger myself ,and no longer married. I will nevertheless attempt to aid you comprehend why your man turns out to desire to run solo. Most guys on the age of 20 are nonetheless developing up. It is a identified indisputable fact that ladies mature quicker than guys,and that is not continuously a well factor. With that mentioned I handiest have a couple of questions to invite you. one million. Have you requested your husband why he does not desire to do one of the most things you men used to do in combination? two. Did you each make a mutual choice to get married? three. Could it's that considering the fact that you 2 are youngster unfastened for the weekend that he simply desires a while to himself? four. Does he do that each and every weekend? Getting solutions to a few of the ones questions might aid you determine precisely why it's he is staying some distance clear of you. If for a few purpose that does not aid check out Marriage counseling. All younger couples want aid establishing out their marriage an that therapist will probably be in a position to aid furnish the equipment for a greater more potent marriage. Even if he does not desire to visit a Marriage Counselor you must nonetheless move so you'll greater comprehend why he's the best way he's. How you can be in a position to position up with it greater,or no longer.

Answer 9

Communication is key. You should not get so upset to the point of tears and/or rage and/or threatening to break up your home. How can a man love a woman who could consider leaving him over an argument? Seems as though you two need some marriage counseling. If he refuses, then you should find some help for yourself and your family's sake. I'll pray for your family too. Think positive thoughts, tell him you love him and be serious about making it work.

Answer 10

Having two kids in two years is rough. You can get through it.
If you want to. It's hard the kids drain your energy. But deep down in there is the love you had to marry right? Why did you get married ? Think about those things.
Make some time for yourselves. Dinner after the kids go to bed.
Hire a sitter even once a month for two hours -
get some girl friends in a play group -
TALK - and make sure you get a sense of humor. Why would you leave - think about that - how would you raise your kids - what is it that makes you mad if he nags change?
My husband used to "freak" if he'd come home to a messy house. I try hard to respect that. I hate he never finishes a project - he knows it, and will eventually.
Money... ? Always will be an issue.

If you were out of line do something he likes. If he was make sure he knows it. ;O)