Advice On Dealing With A Mothers Boy?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been going out over a year and I really feel
the relationship should have moved on by now. Despite the fact that I am
23 and he is 24, he still lives with his parents while I rent. We live
at oppososite ends of the city so seeing each other means commuting all
the time.
I would like us to rent an apartment together, but he will not move out
of his parents house. He uses all kinds of excuses, but mostly says he
doesnt want to waste money on renting when we could save for a house.
The fact is I know he will never do this as he is a poor saver and lacks
motivation. We have no privacy really, and I am wearing of the
situation. Eventually he agreed to move out and I decided to drop the issue and
wait for him to take the initiative. Well he didnt, and I have now
told my landlady Im leaving in 4 weeks. I told him this, expecting him to
tske the hint but instead he just said that I could still visit him at
his house when I wanted. It seems he intends to stay with his parents
for the long run.
I dont want to be pushy but we are in out twenties and I want this to
move on to a more adult relationship. In your opinion, what can I do to
get him out of that house???? I HAVE to move now, and I am short on
time.

Shadow

Answer 1

This all sounds kind of familiar to me - For a while I dated a guy who was 28 and lived with his parents and I had an apartment. We lived about 45 minutes apart and we would spend as much time as we could together. When my lease was up we decided we would move in together... he started to find excuses not to come and see apartments - but I needed a place to live so I found a place closer to his family (even though this meant a longer commute for me). Move in day came and went and he just kept making excuses as to why he wasn't there... he wasn't feeling well, his friend was having a problem, his sister was home from college - whatever. He also told me he couldn't afford it but saw no problem dropping 80 dollars on DVDs at Best Buy or going out drinking with his friends. Our relationship faded away and I was stuck with a year lease and a long commute.

Unfortunately, you can not change him. You have accept him as he is or move on. My advice do what is best for you.

Answer 2

Maybe he is not ready to move on to a more adult relationship, and you are pushing him so much that he feels treathen!

You are in your twenties, and you are being dating for over a year, but there is not an exact measure on when is the perfect time to move togheter, or marry, or have children, it depends on every person's feelings, values, objectives, and depends on how the relation is evolving. So, nobody can tell you what you should do.

But you and he are so young, that it shouldn´t be an issue to you, not yet believe me. And if you love him, and expect something else to happen between you two, you don't have to force him to do anything he DOESN'T WANT TO DO.

And for what you are telling, it's so obvios he just doesn't want to, you are not dealing with the mother's boy, you are dealing with him. And maybe you haven´t even take the time and effort to understand what is your boyfriend really thinking, feeling, expecting from you and from the relation.

You should have a long and sincere talk about what are your objectives, about your plans and his plans, about your timming and his timming, and find out if you have the same program for life.

And if you don't, you should'nt make a big problem out of it, you migth find the coincidences, and try to match some of the diferences. But you both would have to make some efforts and changes on your own ideas.

And finally, if you really think that both are in a whole diferent path, then you will have to start thinking if he is the one for you.

Answer 3

When someone refuses to leave their parents' home once they have reached an age at which they can strike out on their own and support themselves in their own life, you can surmise one or more of the following:

1. They are lazy, and like that they have everything done for them
2. They are very attached to their parents, and don't want to move away from them
3. They remain to care for their parents
4. They are not ready to face the world as an adult as yet

While not all of the above are 'bad' things...they all represent an individual who is not ready to take on the responsibilities of the relationship you wish to have in your life.

Find a person who is in the same mindset you are....instead of trying to change a person who clearly is not.

Answer 4

You've backed him into a corner where he had to decide to either move in with you or stay with mom and dad. He chose mom and dad. That tells me it's time to find someone else.

I'd ask your landlady if your place has been rented yet. If it hasn't, see if you can renew the lease. If you can't, better start looking for a new place in a hurry.

Answer 5

Does he have a stable job?

If he does, it sounds like it has not yet grown up.
You may want to consider your relationship.
How do you feel about him.
You might be happier with someone more mature if he insists on staying with his parents.

You said he agreed to move out. You said you have given notice to your landlady.
Perhaps show him a suitable house/apartment for the both of you and see how he responds.

Answer 6

Don't listen to Puck. Some of these guys are just lazy, but some just aren't emotionally mature enough to make the transition. And I'm not saying that in necessarily a bad wayI myself lived with my parents into my 20s. I wasn't lazy necessarily, it just took me a little longer to be able to deal with adult responsibility.

Just try to give him the time he needs. If it's too long for you, move on. He'll be ready when he's ready.

Answer 7

It looks like his mind is made up, he refuses to leave the comforts of home, best that you get another apt or talk to your landlady about whether or not your place has been rented and, or renewing your lease. I wish I could tell you different I'm really sorry.

Answer 8

sounds like he dont want to live with you; just use you as he sees fit so ide run the other way. If he loved you he would surely jump at the oppurtunity to be with you as much as possible ; as in living and sleeping with you every night.

Answer 9

This belongs in the singles and dating category. Your cheap, idiotic, immature boyfriend has nothing to do with Women's Studies.

Just to be courteous, I'll answer anyway.

Get rid of IT.
IT is still a f*cking baby.
IT is not ready to be with an adult.
IT is lazy; and IT procrastinates;(like many men), and if IT is allowed to freeload, IT will.
If IT ever actually moved in with you, YOU would become IT'S new mommy, and you would no doubt end up cooking IT'S food, washing IT'S clothes, and wiping IT'S @ss every single f*cking day for the rest of IT'S life.
Who the hell would want that?
Do yourself a favor and get a pet instead.

Answer 10

First, speak to your landlady, apologize & tell her she needn't look for another tenant.

Organise to spend a whole month without seeing your boyfriend, and tell him you need to think things over.

Then read your letter to us again. Decide what to do after that.