As the mother of his kids do you feel more important?

Question

If you are no longer with the dad of your kids do you feel you are more important or have more rank than the new wife/gf in his eyes? Do you feel you could come between them if you wanted to? If you are a man is this true in how you feel about your childrens mother?

i am the new wife not the ex

Answer 1

I am actually a stepmom, not who you were asking this question too, but I feel that the mother of my husband's children will have a place in his life forever. Not just until the kids are 18, because after that, there's graduations, weddings, births, and the cycle starts over again with grandchildren. That's why (to me anyway) it's so frightening the number of "baby mama's" out there. One can't just father a child and expect to have no contact with the mother afterward. It's too hard for the child or children involved.

And it should be all about the children.

Answer 2

I am both a mother and a step-mother, with my son's father, our relationship is strictly about my son, we don't make small talk and we both know that we will never be together nor do we like each other, but we still both have respect for each other, so no, I do not think I could or would come between him and a new g/f. As far as the ex, I think that I rank higher, even though she is the mother of his children. She has done some pretty bad things to make him lose all respect for her, which is why she is the ex. He literally hates her, I pretty much do most of the communicating with her. I sometimes get mad, because he makes comments about her in front of his kids. But, I always let his kids know that I respect that she is their mother and even though I don't always agree with things she does, it has nothing to do with them and we just want them to have a happy life at both homes.

Answer 3

Tell the honest truth I wish my ex and her boyfriend would take the kids more often . As far as the rank crap goes what the hell are you talking about ?

OK your husband is living with a woman how does that make you feel ? Do you know what there doing in there home or are you inventing what there doing . How long have you been inventing your husbands life?

I think you should ask yourself if you trust your once husband with your kids .

I understand that was your job when you where together and you probably had things running real smooth but you have to understand your job is over with him .

Answer 4

He is always going to respect you for being the mother of his children and probably be the only one he will really trust when it has anything to do with those kids. A biological love is tough to compete with. My husband has two kids with his ex wife and he absolutely adores me. I never feel less because I am not the real mother. However, when there are serious problems he discusses them with her immediately and then tells me about it. Which is fine, i perfectly understand there isn't anyone that is going to love your children like their real parents. Does she feel more important? To him no, to him about them of course thats their mom. And he will always care about mom in a different way. A mature person would understand that is the best for the kids. We all must get along so they can be happy.

Answer 5

No, I wouldn't feel more important or that I ranked higher, nor would I want to. HOWEVER I would EXPECT the children to rank higher than me, her AND himself in his own eyes. The children should always be the priority. I also don't know about the "coming between" part because I would never dwell on something that was obviously over and that he has moved on. So trying to come between them, wouldn't even be a thought for me.

Answer 6

Ranking should not be an issue if you are secure in your relationship. I could care less about how he rate's my importance as an ex as long as he is taking care of business concerning his children. If you started a relationship with a man whose relationship with his ex was not completely over, and by that I mean, he has kids by her but you've never met her, he tells you horrible things about her but since you can't communicate with her you don't know if they are true, or he gets confrontational when asked about his ex, it ain't over, he still has feelings for her and she won't try to contact you because she is loving every minute of your misery and they are both laughing at your ignorance of the whole situation. Hopefully this is not the case with you.

Answer 7

My ex and I divorced and we have 2 children. He and I are both remarried now. We get along great, and he does call me for advice, down to his marriage with his new wife, but as far as rank goes, I don't think I would come before her, only because he has to live with her, and most men aren't going to live in hell regardless of how they really feel. She is very insecure and hates the fact that we are still friends, but I am very happily married now and I love my husband dearly. She doesn't mistreat my kids, however, she just avoids them the whole weekend while they are there. As for me, as long as the kids come first that is all that matters.

Answer 8

I am not more important to my ex than his new wife (I hope) but I know that if it came down to a choice between the wife and the kids...he would pick the kids. My ex's wife has an insecurity issue with the kids and so I have talked to ex and they are all in therapy to try and prevent the family from breaking up. I hope it doesn't happen because my ex needs to have a life and he obviously loved this woman enough to marry her.

Answer 9

As the Mother of his children - I have no other place but the Mother of his children & since he's in a new relationship - provided he's keeping his children as a priority in his life with his new person - I am still the Mother of his children - that's about it. I wish him the best of luck in his new relationship - hope him and the children always have each other at anytime and as much time as possible throughout life & I move on with my own life to hopefully be the best Mother I can be and maybe find true love of my own someday - in that order!

Answer 10

I don't know if I am more important or not, I would hope so. My ex tells me all the time he is grateful to me for the children I gave him. He also says he will always have a special place in his heart for me because of our life together. He also has a girlfriend and spends most of his time with her. Do I think I could come between them? Probably not. I do believe he means what he says.