My wife died three weeks ago from a Berry's anuerysm and I don't know what to do? We have an eighth month old together and I have a 12 y/o stepdaughter. I think I'm loosing my mind, I still have trouble eating and weird things make me cry. I miss her so bad. I feel bad for my children. I think it's starting to finally set in. I don't know what to do.
2007-05-23 01:59:08 · 17 answers · asked by Ravenous 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thakfully, you are doing exactly what you should be doing.
You are grieving. You are reaching out to gain support from the people and resources around you. I can never imagine in full the pain that you are suffering. You and your children have lost the physical, not the spirtual!
Our grief comes in many forms and we are not alone. You miss your wife, lover and friend. Your children miss their nuturer, thier teacher, thier protector, so for them the emotions may differ in some ways.
Talk, to them. Share memories! Talk about how hard it is and what is scarry for you now. Then move forward together! As a whole family remind yourselves of the love you share and shared. In honor of your wife give the children the love and comfort she would want them to have.
Most of all, take care of yourself. Love yourself enough to care for your physical as well as your emotional health.
It is OK for you to accept assistance. You have had a great change and loss in your life. You are needed and loved by your family and they want you to be there for them. You can't do that if you do not take care of yourself.
Remember! There are many happy and wonderful things to remember that will help you to smile.
I wish you well, you are in my prayers and I am sorry that you have suffered such a loss. I have been married 25 years, next year and although I know that one of us will eventually have to face what you are going through. I hope that I will be able to have family and friends to support me if I am the one left behind.
You will be guided and watched over!
2007-05-23 02:30:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally have not lost a spouse but my sister did a year and a half ago. She was 27 and her husband was 28 he died from a massive heart attack. They had a 3year old daughter and a 13 month old son. It was really tough for her and our family. He was her first and only love. She still has not slept in their bed and his bathroom and clothes are exactly the way he left them. All you can do is pray and keep yourself busy with good friends and family its one of those things that time is the only thing that will help. My sister has since started dating but still misses her husband deeply. She knows that the Lord has a plan for all of us and we just have to make everyday as memorable and happy as we possibly can because we are not promised tomorrow. I am truly sorry for your loss, you hang in there and raise your babies the best you can and you will be rewarded. My heart goes out to you.... best wishes
2007-05-23 09:12:32 · answer #2 · answered by HelloPeeps 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello
I am very sorry about ur partner's death...
But life doesnt end here for u... U need to be strong...
I am sure u loved her very much... so for the children's sake
u need to be very strong and proide them with all care and happiness...
do not neglect ur kids... pray so that god can give u some courage and even if ur wife is dead i am sure she will always be in ur mind and reside in ur heart... think of the gd moments u spent together and think about how u would have taken decisions together b4 deciding on anything...
also if u wish to get married(which i think is ok) u should find such a wife who will accept ur children and look after them well... many women do not like to take care of other's children... so be very careful about this...
or simply put a maid to look after ur children and who u can trust...
gd luck... will pray for u...
2007-05-23 09:06:36 · answer #3 · answered by Rose 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never lost a significant other. But i have lost 2 grandmothers and to watch both of my grandfathers cope is heartbreaking. Embrass your family more than ever. Not only do you have to be tough for the kids but you have to be tough for yourself. I dont really have any advice, but dont ever be afraid to call on other family members to watch the kids or just help out with anything you need. Be strong and keep your head up. Easier said than done. You've just lost the other half of you. You dont realize how much that person completed you until their gone. I wish you all the best and this too shall pass...good luck and god bless!
2007-05-23 09:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi. As a person who lost a loved one (not a spouse) to Lou Gehrig's Disease (long, slow, and ugly), I noticed his spouse, and the stages she went through. The reality "setting in" part is so hard. If you have good buddies, family, now is the time to reach out. No shame or weakness in that. If anything, your children will be better off for it; you won't feel so repressed. In the interim, check out this site: http://www.groww.org/ There are plenty of message boards for you to connect with others who are in similar situations; talk helps, btw. All my best to you...You're not alone.
2007-05-23 09:13:00 · answer #5 · answered by Artemisia G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's been four years since my husband died. I'm childless, and have often wondered how I would have coped with having children that were looking at me for guidance. I sympathize with your situation. There's no right or wrong at present, you have to do whatever is necessary to cope at this point. I suggest that you rely heavily on family and friends as they often know before you are aware yourself what you need. Try not to isolate yourself from those that you know care. Don't push yourself to 'do anything'. You need time to 'regroup', assess the situation, figure out what is in your own best interest (and the best interest of your chn. of course), and just how to exist. It helped me to know that my husband would have wanted what was best for me. As unfair as the situation is, it was more unfair for our spouses' lives to be cut short. But we'll all eventually arrive at death's door. It's not within our control as to the time table or events that occur before our own life is over. Gather strength wherever you can find it. I read as many books on grieving as I could find, I searched the net for material I thought was helpful (I liked the web site "www.towardthelight.org") and I used my time typing and deciphering poems that he'd written (and I had saved). Anything that makes you feel connected to your own spouse might help. You also need a support system that you can run ideas by when you question your own judgment. Just the 'exhaustion factor' can be enough to cloud your judgment. Your responsibilities are heavy....lean on others. Everything you describe in your inquiry sounds 'normal' to me. Don't pressure yourself to figure everything out ....it's time to be kind and forgiving with yourself. TAke care.
2007-05-23 09:09:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
i have not experienced this situation, but please take these words of kindness.
live one day at a time. get through till lunch, then try to focus on the evening. take it one step at a time. do not forget her. take the natural grieving process and let it run its course. you will feel lost. you will feel lonely. she is always with you. remember your good times together.
start a journal now for your children highlighting why you love their mother and why she meant the world to you. they will thank you for that when they are older.
talk with others and accept their sympathy in helping you deal with this pain. let it out, it's part of the process. do not hold your sadness in, this will only harbor more sadness.
keep your head up and talk to your wife as if she is still physically by your side. she will always be with you. pray.
2007-05-23 11:29:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my father passed away suddenly when I was 12 and I saw the way it affected my mum. It helps to talk to the people around you they want to help share your your burden but may not know how, cry allot it will help.
time makes it easier you have a lot on your plate now but I am sure there is lots of help there for you.
If it all seems to build and get to much maybe you should speak to someone who is trained to help.
I don't know what else to say i just hope you don't mind me answering your question.
my condolences to you in your time of need
2007-05-23 09:13:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you Need to talk to someone...A friend Family member...Dont be scard to ask for help..Its ok to feel the way you do & you have to think about the kids they Prolly miss there mother more then anything right now Maybe your step daughter can go talk to someone & see how this is effecting her it's hard when ur that young to lose a parent i lost my dad when i was about 8-9 & it was hard on me but me & my mom went & talked someone. & it's Normal to have trouble doing thing's & cring my mom still cry's when some one bring's up something about my dad, But you need to eat & stay healthy for ur Children
2007-05-23 09:05:16 · answer #9 · answered by Sarah.H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for your loss. Check your newspaper or google to find grief support groups for yourself and for your children, especially the 12 year old. There are people out there who can help you get through it.
Best of luck.
2007-05-23 09:02:11 · answer #10 · answered by Nasubi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋