I had an affair with a coworker while I was living with my husband before we got married. Now I am married and have two children. My husband never found out about the affair. I regret what I did. I still work with the man I had the affair with. Occasionally he will bring it up like he wants to revisit. However, I tell him I am happily married. Do you think I am asking for disaster. Once a cheat always a cheat?
2007-05-23 01:17:25 · 20 answers · asked by Junebaby 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This all depends on how strong you are. But once a cheater, always a cheater in one form or another.
2007-05-23 01:22:17 · answer #1 · answered by Patty G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No once a cheat always a cheat are you talking about your self?? the only way you will be in trouble is if you are tempted to have an affair with this man again are you? if not you look at him serous and you tell him look is over this is the past and this is where it will stay..you can continue to work with him but do not associate with him not even for a casual lunch.. stay the hell away from him... and let him know you are a happy married woman now. good luck.
2007-05-23 01:24:46 · answer #2 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An affair of the heart is not necessrially something to be ashamed of. If it were that; then it is an experience in your life that has helped forge the person you are today. All our experiences...good and bad....do that for us.
Either you still hae feelings for him and his advances bother you; in which case you need to revisit yor thinking; either to find other employment or recognize the feelings and deal directly with resolution either by seeing what you now have in your marriage or what you would have in him .... but.... mostly...
you may smile and treat him nicely when he makes unwanted pases and he views these little glimmers as hope for something. If so....stop....our ego's sometimes get in the way and we like to know we are still wanted by others....kill that ego quickly....
I suggest you take a hard stance and tell him there are laws against sexual harrasment and that you will no longer tolerate his advances or insinuations about a revisit. Be firm. Let him know while it may have been nice, that it is over and you do not appreciate his attempts and will do what ever it takes to resolve them...or...finally....in the alternative.....let things stay as they are. As I see it...these are your three choices and no matter what all of us may say or advise....you have to pick the one that is "true" to you...then act...
Good Luck from someone who has been there. By the way; I told her she was an incredible person and that she gave me some nice memories but that it was over and all she was doing was driving me away from any hope of a friendship or working relationship. She stopped!
2007-05-23 01:36:22 · answer #3 · answered by diamondjimp2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not necessarily, Amy. It is entirely up to you. I think you are handling it admirably. Keep the guy at a distance and keep your marriage intact, for the sake of the children if not out of respect for your husband. I don't believe in the adage, "once a cheat, always a cheat." I believe we create our own destinies, and from the sounds of it you are creating a wonderful one for yourself. Good for you! The affair meant nothing in the scheme of things. Tell that guy that, and go happily on your way. I truly admire you for making a decent life for yourself. I wish I had more friends like you.
2007-05-23 03:52:36 · answer #4 · answered by John Timothy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you cheat again or not is entirely up to you. If you FEEL like doing so now, it's not a very good sign. I'd much rather you'd told the guy "I'm happily married, don't need your attention, don't want your attention, and want professional respect and treatment from you. And, if you can't do that, you'd better find another job." Avoid (if you don't want to reconnect) any circumstances that could lead to a repeat. Your question makes me think you'd kinda like to keep him in reserve.
2007-05-23 01:26:09 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't be friends with someone who would allow you to self-destruct. Plus, you already know he is a liar. Once a cheat always a cheat unless you are diligent about keeping your marriage. Does this ex-lover want to visit your husband too? If not, he is tempting you and if you allow that you deserve all the consequences that follow. You might not end up in bed with him, but your dirty little secret may get out.
2007-05-23 01:26:21 · answer #6 · answered by molly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on you. If you have any kind of sexual tension with this guy, then you need to look for another job. If you really are happy in your marriage, you truly regret what you did, and you have no emotional or sexual attachment to this guy then you can be around him and not have another affair. I guess my concern would be that since you are on here asking the question, you still have some feelings for him. It would be best for all involved if you got another job.
2007-05-23 01:26:03 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not healthy. You need to get a new job. Your husband will eventually find out. And its not healthy to keep seeing the person you cheated with. It can happen again and then you'll be more sorry. Get away from this person..
2007-05-23 02:20:54 · answer #8 · answered by jjeano661 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're feeling tempted and still harbour feelings for this man, I think it'll probably be a matter of time before the fire is rekindled.
If you can't trust yourself around him, the best thing to do would be to find another job...
2007-05-23 01:30:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This dude obiviously has something to hold over your head if he is bringing it back up after all this time. Jobs come and go, marriages are alot harder to fix when trust is gone.
2007-05-23 01:23:22 · answer #10 · answered by jessjones 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Limit contact with this man. If it means changing jobs, then by all means, CHANGE JOBS.
What will happen to your marriage if he wants to continue with the affair and you say "no" and he goes to your spouse? You need to end contact IMMEDIATELY.
2007-05-23 01:33:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋